1
[QUACKING]
[WARBLE, ZAP!]
[ROARS]
"Adventure Time"
Come on, grab your friends
We'll go to very distant lands
With Jake the Dog and Finn the Human
The fun will never end
It's "Adventure Time"
FINN: Hey, Kim Kil Whan.
We solved the mystery
of the haunted office.
It was Clockbear the whole time.
Yeah, uh, Jake's around here somewhere.
Man, it's crazy to think
I was born here.
In this alley.
Popped right out of my dad's
head for some reason.
Yaah! You scared me there,
what with the appearing out of thin air
and staring at me all creepy.
And now just you're reaching towards me.
[COUGHS]
Let's go, son.
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Son?
I ain't nobody's son
but Joshua and Margaret!
Though it is weird that you got
exactly the same stretchy power as me.
[LAUGHS] It's not weird.
It's fate!
We have to leave, like [GRUNTS]
Right now!
Wait! Can Finn come with us?
We're kind of a package deal.
Oh, that's kind of a bad idea.
Our home world's atmosphere is,
uh, poisonous to his kind.
Well, then, I'd better write him a note.
Destiny calls!
Whoa!
FINN: Jake?
Who are you, anyway?
My name is Warren Ampersand.
I'm your alien bio-dad! Heh-heh.
Why do you keep laughing?
[LAUGHS] I'm nervous.
[WARBLE!]
[LAUGHS] Ah.
[COUGHS] Welcome to your home planet
Nerraw.
Great fantasy sci-fi vibe, man.
And that black hole really adds
an extra dimension to the place.
Years ago, I left this beautiful planet
and travelled to Ooo
to implant my destiny-rich, stretchy DNA
into a compatible host.
That explains a lot, actually.
But now I'm dying.
What?
I used the last of my strength
[COUGHS] to bring you home.
[GASPS] He's here!
Huh?
- Is that Jake?
- It's really him!
Did you see him? Look over there.
- Look.
[GASPS]
- [GASPS] That's Jake!
Warren, how does everyone know me?
Because you're the most important
person to have ever lived.
Behold!
The Jakeseum!
A museum? All about me?!
[ALL GASP] It's Jake!
- Jake! Jake!
- It's Jake!
Will you sign my prophecy book?
Will you sign my pretzel?
This is wild.
But it feels so right, you know?
[GASPS]
Hey!
It's my 5th birthday party.
And my graduation.
And when I put a snail in my mouth.
And when a snail put me in its mouth.
And
No.
I don't remember this one.
[LAUGHS]
That an artist's interpretation
of the great prophecy.
Tomorrow, you are prophesied
to battle Ixcano,
a monster with tentacles
stretching across the galaxy
to strangle everything.
You alone can banish him
to the darkness.
I've researched your world
and created the ideal child room.
See?
Space stuff
dinosaurs
and cowboys.
Cool.
But you know it's a little late
to try connecting with me, right?
[GASPS] Is that clown cake for me?
[CHOMP!]
[CHUCKLES]
I got you something else, too.
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[TWINKLE!]
What do you think
of your old dad's present?
I love it!
Still never gonna call you dad, though.
Oh, I wouldn't dream of asking.
But I hope you don't mind
if I still wear this.
[TWINKLE!]
[ALL CHEERING]
Good luck, Jake!
Savior us!
[LAUGHS]
This is the Sacred Temple
of Pannishment.
The temple door can only be unlocked
by a stretchy dog.
With key ha-a-a-a-a
Uh
Beyond this door,
there lies an ancient, awesome weapon
called The Panzark.
I am so ready for this!
This must be why I can stretch!
Yeah, that totally tracks.
Hup!
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[GRUNTS]
This is so complicated and rewarding.
You're doing great, son!
Almost there.
[GRUNTING]
[ALL CHANTING "JAKE"]
[GRUNTING]
[SIGHS]
[DOORS CREAK]
[CROWD CHEERS]
[LAUGHS WEAKLY]
The Panzark!
[GRUNTS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
Yay!
[MOANS]
Saving the galaxy's exhausting.
I'm dying
for a soft pretzel with mustard.
[GROANS]
"Pri-tzels!"
Oh.
"Pri-vate.
"
WARREN: Hello, there,
you handsome, young devil.
Have we met?
Oh wait, it's just me!
I didn't recognize
this smooth, young skin
or these vigorous kneecaps.
[SNORING]
Oof!
It's another clown cake
with a side of cocktail hot dogs.
Dude, weren't you, like, dying?
Shush, son!
Ixcano approacheth!
[RUMBLING]
[CREATURE GROWLING]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
Oh, dang.
I'll go grab the Panzark.
So how do I
You just gotta stretch
through the convolutions of the Panzark
to activate its kill beam.
More stretching, huh?
[GRUNTS]
Here comes the hero.
Stretch, baby! Stretch!
[GRUNTING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
You're doing it, son!
Ugh.
This is too much.
[GRUNTS]
[LASERS FIRE]
[GROANING]
Jake!
CROWD: Jake! Jake! Ja
What's going on?
Where's that Ixcano jerk?
I have a confession.
There is no Ixcano.
I made it all up.
So you're not really dying?
No, I was dying.
I needed to siphon your
precious, stretchy essence
to keep me young and virile.
I use these belts as a conduit.
The more you stretch,
the stronger I grow!
I've done it hundreds of times
to hundreds of sons.
But I never felt guilty before.
Maybe it's because you're so
much cooler than my other kids.
Well, I am cool.
Or maybe it's this feeling
your kind calls low-key affection?
I I low-key affection you, son.
[SMOOCH!]
I'm sorry, Dad.
I wasn't powerful enough
to destroy Ixcano!
- [SOBBING]
- What? No.
It was just me stretching
the whole time.
The Panzark.
The people.
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
I'll prove it.
I'm Finn!
I like pizza and dangerous girls.
And here's Joshua!
I'm no Warren Ampersand,
but I guess I raised you.
[CHUCKLES] Do more!
I'm Lady! Neigh.
Oh, I know.
You like parties!
Here's a bunch of party bears!
[LAUGHS] Make more party bears!
And make the tree house!
Put party bears on the tree house!
Put party bears in the sky!
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY] Okay.
Keep stretching, you old phoney.
It only makes me stronger!
Belt switch! But how?!
Old-fashioned grifting, ya rube!
[SOBBING]
My real dad taught me that trick.
But I was a proud pop!
I'm the proud pop
of a whole bunch of pups.
The belt totally applies to me, as well.
See?
Five stretchy pups.
Whuh-oh.
You saved me after all!
[WARBLE!]
[GROANS] Out of juice.
I need those pups!
Don't even think about it!
Can't wait to meet my grandkids
and drain drain their essence.
JAKE: Aw, nah!
Leave my kids alone!
If you destroy me,
you'll be stuck on that rock forever!
My pups are worth it!
Not the singularity!
I just wanted to live forever!
I see now.
This fleshy form has taken me
as far as it can.
I'm going 4-D, baby.
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