I wish you all the very best of holidays.
Like many, I'll spend the time in the loving embrace of my family, which should give us plenty to talk about in the new year.
Meantime, this is Dr Frasier Crane, KACL 780 talk radio.
Come on.
There's a gin and tonic out there with my name on it.
Father Mike's trying to get everyone to re-enact the Nativity scene.
We know who can play the ass.
(Barks) - I'm wearing her down.
Who's that for? - It's for Roz.
"Amazing trick microphone.
Squirts water.
" Nice.
It's a gag.
We don't exchange gifts.
I'm scheduled to do the noon-to-four slot at Christmas.
Nope.
But my family is getting together after five years.
- I don't care.
- But my sister and her new baby Bulldog, my son Frederick is flying in to spend the holidays with me.
I have never looked so forward to a Christmas since I was your size.
- (Shouts) Did you tell him? - Don't yell.
- You're not giving a traffic report.
- I yelled? Hey, Doc, you know Bonnie Weems? I don't, but she does the auto show, right? Bonnie drinks more than she should at these parties, so the newest on-air personality drives her home.
- That's you.
- I'd be delighted to drive her home.
She'll be delighted.
(Both laugh) Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Dr Crane.
- Oh, merry Christmas, Elizabeth.
I baked you sugar cookies.
Oh, sweets from the sweet.
Do you know who's driving Bonnie Weems home tonight? Yes, I am.
Can you tell me why? Hey, everybody, it's the doc! Roz, why does everyone break into hysterics when I say I'm driving Bonnie Weems home? What is that? Bonnie Weems is kind of an office legend.
After a few drinks, she gets amorous and won't take no for an answer.
Is that all? I'm a big boy.
- I can take care of myself.
- OK! I know we promised not to, but I was out shopping Oh, no.
Don't worry.
I couldn't help myself, either.
Oh, no, really? Great.
- Merry Christmas! - Oh, Roz, you shouldn't have.
- Open yours.
- This is just Oh, Roz, you really shouldn't have.
- Now it's my turn.
- Oh, don't.
Maybe you should keep it under the tree.
Me wait to open a Christmas present? Yeah, right.
Oh, my God, it's great! It's great because I'm in radio.
- That's what I was going for.
- Thanks a million, Frasier.
Have a happy holiday and I'll see you next week.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Dr Crane? I'm Bonnie Weems.
Hello.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I'll drive you home tonight.
- I'm sorry to put you out.
- No problem.
Enjoy the party.
Tell me when you're ready to go.
I'm ready now, baby! - Hello, Frasier.
- Hello, Niles.
Merry Christmas.
To what do I owe this occasion? Nothing.
I just stopped by to get an opinion on a gift for Maris.
It pinches a bit under the arms, but you be the judge.
Oh, hello, Dr Crane.
Daphne.
Shall I put the little red one back on so you can make your choice? - Niles has all the information he needs.
- Fair enough.
Maris and Daphne are roughly the same size.
Give or take a foot.
Frasier, where you been? After the Christmas party, I poured a colleague into a cab, said a quick prayer for the driver, dislodged the wedgie of a lifetime then I did some shopping.
Niles, sherry? - Thank you.
- Santa's going to be good to Frederick.
Bulldog called.
He wants you to take his slot on Christmas.
I've already told him no.
How long will that man nag me? - What are you doing? - I'll hang it on the door.
- It's plastic! - Of course it is.
You think a real one would have lasted since 1967? Here you go.
I'm glad to be out of that black one.
I had to take me undies off to zip it up.
Oh, let me get that.
(Phone rings) Hello? Oh, hi.
- Frasier, for you.
It's the nag.
- Oh, Lord.
Bulldog, I already told you that Oh Oh, hello, Lilith.
No, maybe I should, uh I'll take this in the bedroom.
Everything set for tomorrow? Yes, Maris and I drive to the cabin tonight.
We'll expect you tomorrow around noon.
- I wish I was coming with you.
- So do I.
(Yelling on the phone) Oh, shut the hell up, will you? Daphne, you should come.
We have a traditional Christmas.
It's an actual log cabin with actual deer grazing in our yard.
Maris fires her gun to scare them away from our garbage, but still it's enchanting.
You can't come? No, I'll be in San Francisco with my uncle.
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