(Niles) Calm down, dear.
Listen.
Take a left, then the second right, then a left again.
- OK.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
- Is Maris lost again? She wandered into the kitchen by mistake.
I had to talk her back to the living room.
Any chance of getting a table? No.
They got their check five minutes ago, but they've been sitting there ever since.
- I shoot them dirty looks, all in vain.
- Show me the look.
They're there for a while.
- Shall we order? - Why not? - What are your coffees today? - Zimbabwe and Kenya.
- Ooh, I'll have a Zimbabwe latte.
- I'll have a Kenya cappuccino.
So what's new? The gardener finally won the battle of the wills.
He got Maris to dig up her camellias so he could put in that Zen garden.
- How did it turn out? - It's beautiful.
The perfect place for meditation.
Yesterday I found Maris sitting in the lotus position.
Good for her.
It's bringing out her spiritual side.
She was reading Danielle Steele and making a nail appointment on her phone.
Do you realise that it's a year since I moved from Boston? Really? A year? It seems like yesterday Dad moved in with you.
People can have opposite impressions of the same event.
Look at them.
Sitting there like they own that table.
- Let's both give them the look.
- It's worth a try.
- It worked! - Niles, I'll never doubt you again! Try the look on that table.
I'm going to the men's room.
- Maddening! - What? The moisturiser dispenser in the gents.
The cream is too oily, so I re-washed.
And then the hand dryer breaks down.
How do you get through the day? - Here you go, Zimbabwe and Kenya.
- Thank you.
- Did I say decaf? - No.
Oh, I'm sorry.
If I drink the regular stuff, it'll keep me tossing and turning through my brother's conversation.
(Waitress) 'No problem.
' (Frasier) 'Thank you.
' Nobody's leaving.
Let's take a table outside.
Why not? I'm feeling al fresco.
Oh, how does Mrs Fresco feel about that? Must be a riot on camping trips.
- Would you like a? - No.
Now that chapter two of your life is in full swing, can I ask you something? - Sure.
- Are you happy? - Did you hear the question? - Yes, I'm thinking.
- It's a complex question.
- No, it's not.
- It is.
- Either you're happy or not.
- Are you? - No, but we're not talking about me.
Let's not gloss over that.
You have just told me you're not happy.
Why? I was watching PBS the other night - a documentary on the Great Depression.
Vintage Steinbeck.
Poor people escaping the Dust Bowl, their meagre possessions on rickety, old trucks heading to their "salvation".
You see this scruffy little boy being handed a new pair of shoes.
Frasier, if you could have seen the look on that boy's face.
It was a look of pure and utter happiness.
I have never experienced that kind of happiness in my life.
Not even when I bought these $400 Bruno Maglis.
- Do you like them? - Very nice.
- What about the tassels? - I'm not a tassel guy.
Neither am I.
Nevertheless, there they are.
I have no reason to be unhappy.
I have my health.
I have a wonderful home, a beautiful wife.
- Did your eyebrow just move? - No.
I have my practice.
But I've lost the ideals that led me to psychiatry in the first place.
Who am I talking to? Psychiatry's answer to the drive-through window.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm not just in it for the money.
Oh, I wouldn't say that's true.
If it were Oh.
- What were you going to say? - I'd rather not.
There's no need to.
I know what you've wanted to ask me for years: Did I marry Maris for the money? I resent that! I did not marry Maris for the money.
- It was just a delightful bonus.
- So you really do love her? Of course I love her! But it's a different kind of love.
You mean, it's not human? No.
I mean, it doesn't burn with the passion of a Tristan and Isolde.
It's more comfortable, more familiar.
Maris and I are old friends.
We can spend an afternoon together, me at my jigsaw puzzle, she at her Autoharp, not a word spoken between us, and be perfectly content.
I'm told it was a lot like that near the end in the Hitler household.
Let's shift the subject back to where it belongs.
I asked you whether you were happy.
Just answer.
- Well - (Roz) Hey, guys.
- Hi, Roz.
- What are you doing here? I always wanted to fly a jet, and today they're offering a special on jet-flying lessons.
I came here to get coffee.
Thanks for stopping by.
I'd have been mad if you didn't.
I'm also meeting someone here.
Oh, let me guess.
A man? - Yes.
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