Quiet.
It's starting.
'This is a political announcement for Holden Thorpe.
' You dragged us here to see Thorpe? He's a fascist, like Himmler without the whimsy.
'Another American for Holden Thorpe.
' 'I'm Marty Crane.
' - Dear God! - 'For 30 years I was a cop.
'Then I was shot by an assassin who wouldn't have been free 'if it weren't for the bleeding hearts in Congress.
'I used to carry a gun.
Now I carry a cane.
'I'm voting for Holden Thorpe.
He's running because I can't.
' - Well? - I don't know what to say.
- I'm in a state of shock! - Aren't we all? You were wonderful.
This calls for a celebration.
- What'll you have? - Give me a beer.
Dad, how did this happen? I was in the park, there was a rally for Thorpe.
I talked to his people, told them I was an ex-cop and they shoved a camera in my face.
- They're exploiting you.
- No, they're not.
I like Thorpe.
How could you support that odious hose-head? He once said, "Cancer aside, tobacco is good for the economy.
" He's for more cops on the street.
It can't hurt, now everyone's armed.
We don't have many guns in England.
You don't need guns.
You've got kidney pie.
Hello.
- It's Duke.
- Oh! - Sherry? - I couldn't, Niles.
I'm too upset.
I'm glad you liked it.
I've got a lot of showbiz secrets to tell you.
They can make you cry on cue by pulling a hair out of your nose.
What? Really? Guys, quick! Channel 14! My other spot! This one was my idea.
Remember Lyndon Johnson showing his scar? 'Hi, I'm Marty Crane.
'Crime isn't pretty.
If you don't believe me, look at this.
' - Can I help you? - What's on today? - Kenyan blend.
- No, no, no.
They still poach elephants.
What else? - Dark roast Brazilian.
- Not till they stop rain forest loss.
- Salvadoran? - Not with their human rights record.
We're down to the Hawaiian Cona blend.
Or have they slaughtered too many macadamia nuts? That'll be fine, thank you.
- Niles.
- I can't stand it.
I just walked by a store with 22 TV sets in the window showing Dad's butt.
I saw it.
I don't know what's worse - seeing his butt, or what it stands for.
I just can't believe our father is actually endorsing that self-serving fear-monger.
I've given this a lot of thought and I realise Dad isn't the problem.
He's supporting his candidate.
The problem lies with us.
- Us? We've done nothing.
- Exactly.
"For evil to triumph requires only that good men do nothing.
" - Edmund Burke.
- I have that quotation framed.
I mean to put it in my office but keep forgetting.
Anyway, the time has come for you and me to get involved.
How? Support Thorpe's opponent, Phil Patterson.
- I'm voting for Patterson.
- I had something more in mind.
I spoke to some people at Patterson's headquarters.
They'd like you to do a TV endorsement.
Niles, I'd love to help, but you must realize that, as a radio psychiatrist, I can't take the chance of alienating my listeners.
People needing help might be put off if they knew my politics.
Think about it.
A candidate like this doesn't come often.
He's hard working, he volunteers at a soup kitchen.
He cares about people.
He believes in what we believe in.
- Buy chocolates, send a kid to camp.
- Can't you see we're talking? Thank you for your call, Susan.
We'll be back after this message.
'Crime: it's epidemic.
It strikes fast and it can strike you.
'I'm Holden Thorpe.
Send me to Washington because ' it's better than having you here.
He makes it sound like it's either vote for him or be found murdered in bed.
I wouldn't worry, Roz.
What are the chances of finding you there alone? - Sports fan, how they hanging? - OK.
I was talking to Roz.
Ten seconds.
'Vote for me.
My programme gives the streets back to the people.
' That's good.
With your tax programme that's where they'll be sleeping.
We'll be back for one more call after this newsbreak.
Then, next up, Bob Bulldog Brisco and the Gonzo Sports Show.
- I've asked you not to do that.
- Way to be impartial, Doc.
Thorpe's a good man.
You voting for that pretty boy Patterson? He's great.
His reapportionment plan makes sense.
Forget it.
He's happily married.
So is Thorpe.
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