Oh, Dr.
Crane My God, after all our years together all the good times, all the bad times can't loan me a meager four thousand dollars? You must appreciate how hard it is for me to approach you about this.
I thought I meant more to you than this, but apparently I don't.
And they call themselves "the friendly bank!" What do you need to borrow money for? I saw the most exquisite Biedermeier footstool.
For four thousand bucks? Niles, your mother and I didn't pay that much for our first house.
I know, dad.
I lived there.
Well, I keep telling you, you don't have Maris's money tothrow around anymore.
You're going to have to start cutting back a little.
I have cut back.
Last month I told my masseur I could only see him once a week.
Oh, I remember that scene in "Grapes Of Wrath" when Ma Joad did that.
You know, if you need to save a bit, you should do what I do and cut out coupons.
Coupons.
Well, what a wonderful way to economize.
Well, I could clip them and give them to my personal shopper.
Oh, Niles, good morning.
Hey.
Daphne, has Bebe Glazer called back yet? 'Fraid not.
You're still consorting with that barracuda? Well, a barracuda is what you want in an agent, Niles.
It's just that the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner.
I must admit she's rather hard to get a hold of these days Oh, really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted "I summon thee" three times.
Hello, Roz.
Hey.
What have you got on the new owner? Oh, plenty.
Yeah? His name is Wilford S.
Boone, but he likes to be called "Big Willy.
" Well, there's a little snapshot of his psyche right there.
He's an eighty-five year-old Texan.
Practically no formal education but he went from errand boy at a radio station to owning his own media empire worth six hundred million.
This is great, I don't even know what "Renuzit" is, but it's twenty cents off and I want it.
You're clipping coupons? I'm economizing.
Oh well it's about time, you spend money like a drunken sailor.
She said authoritatively.
Excuse me, could we get back to the subject at hand, please? What are you so antsy about? Dad, Wilford S.
Boone- Big Willy.
Please, Roz, I just can't say that yet, alright? Wilford S.
Boone owns thirty radio stations across the country.
If he likes you he's been known to syndicate your show nationwide.
So, I'm trying to find out if we have anything in common an angle, if you will.
So what are his interests, Roz? Well, it's all in there.
He likes whittling, rodeos, the novels of Zane Grey Gee, Fras.
It's like you two were separated at birth.
He also owns a 5,000 acre cattle ranch and the world's largest collection of antique six-shooters.
Oh dear God, I'm sucking up to Yosemite Sam! I think if we really want to impress Big Willy we should think of some Western theme to do for the show today.
Great idea, Roz.
Why don't we just start the show off with a segment on how to get in touch with your inner young'un.
What a fascinating theory! Do go on.
What's going on? Oh, this is great.
I told Gil the new station owner is a Greek tycoon.
He fell for that? Hook, line, and souvlaki! You can keep your overripe Camembert and malodorous Stilton, they can't compare with the salty insouciance of Greece's glorious Feta.
It's not just for shepherds anymore! This is Gil Chesterton saying Bon Appetite, or as we say in Athens, Kali Orexi! Oh Gil, you've been had.
The new station owner isn't Greek, he's from Texas.
You are so easy! Well, I hope you're happy! I've just given four stars to a restaurant called "A Taste Of Greece.
" Which, trust me, is no misnomer.
Well that's what you deserve, trying to suck up to some senile old coot! Hell, he probably can't eat anything but strained peas and farina! Uh, Mr Boone? Yeah, that's right.
Pleasure to see you.
I'm Dr.
Frasier Crane.
This is Roz Doyle, Gil Chesterton and I'm Skippy the lunch boy.
So, uh, that's two strained peas and a farina for the big guy.
Oh, uh, Skippy? Change my order! I've got a sudden hankering for baby-back ribs and corn bread.
Oh, I've been looking for you Dr.
Crane.
I have a little problem and they told me you're just the fella who could fix it.
Oh, I hope I'm not imposing.
Oh, no, don't be silly, Mr.
Boone.
Well, actually I prefer "Big Willy.
" Don't be silly, Big Willy.
You see, I'm engaged to be married.
Oh, congratulations.
Well, sweet young thing.
Just nuts about me.
Problem is, she smokes.
Oh lord, that is a very bad habit.
Oh, it's a vile habit! Would have destroyed my affection for her if, well she didn't possess certain compensating gifts.
Anyway, as a favour to me, could you help her? Well, I'll certainly try.
Just keep in mind, though, addiction is fraught with many complex issues.
Length of habit, motivation Forgive me, sometimes I don't express myself too clearly.
When I say, "could you help her," what I meant to say was HELP HER! Consider it done.
Much obliged.
She'll be in touch.
That's me, Dr.
Frasier Crane, bimbo wrangler.
Frasier, stop it! This is a golden opportunity! You makethis little tootsie quit smoking and we're halfway to syndication.
Did someone just say the word "syndication," or do I just hear it every time I lay eyes on my favorite client? Oh, Bebe.
Is something wrong, dear? Well, yes.
We just met Big Willy Oh, he thinks I'm some sort of a magician.
He wants me to play therapist to his little fiance? No doubt some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples that she's willing to rob the coffin and just Oh, dear God! Isn't it wonderful? We met last month and it was love at first sight.
First sight of what - his bankbook and a cardiogram? Two minutes.
I'm hurt that she can even joke about such a thing.
I love that dear sweet old man with every fibre of my being.
I'm sure you do.
I'm afraid there won't even be a wedding if you can't get rid of that rotten habit, and he's just ordered me to see that you do! God, you'd think a touch of emphysema were the end of the world! What's that in your hand, woman? Sorry, pudd'n.
Bebe slipped.
Just that all-important last puff.
Well, see that it is! Well, Dr.
Crane, I'm heading out of town for three days.
When I get back on Sunday, I expect my little gal here to be smoke-free by then.
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