So I decided it was time I got to know some of my colleagues in the media.
- But a convention? - Mm.
You've never shown any interest before.
They've never held one in Aspen before.
Just think, hundreds of radio psychiatrists, all in the same location.
One well-timed avalanche and the dignity of the entire psychiatric profession could be restored.
[LAUGHS] Oh, good one.
I can always count on you for some witty retort.
I insult you, and you compliment me.
Could the request for a favour be far behind? Damn.
You are perceptive.
- Oh, stop it.
- Oh, all right.
Listen, Niles, I'd like you to do my show for me for the week I'm gone.
Me standing in for you? I'm sorry, Frasier, I couldn't presume to fill those big, floppy red shoes of yours.
Please, please, Niles.
Look, I'm begging you.
The station wants to replace me with Helen Grogan, better known as Ma Nature.
She does a gardening show, and I'm just a little worried that a week of discussing well-rotted manure will weaken my listener base.
It hasn't yet.
Very well.
You leave me no alternative but to call in my marker.
What marker? Oh, I think you know.
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
- You can't.
- I will.
That was three years ago.
I don't recall there being any statute of limitations.
I distinctly recall that when you asked me to go out with Maris' sister, you said that you would owe me one forever.
But you only spent one evening with Brie.
That hardly compares to what you're asking me to endure.
Shall I refresh your memory? Midway through the opera, her ermine muff began to tremble.
As it turned out, she had used it to smuggle in her adorably incontinent chihuahua.
Just as I thought we'd reached the low point of the evening, I suddenly felt a sandpaper tongue licking my earlobe.
Alas, it did not belong to little Hervë.
Fortunately, my shriek coincided with the onstage murder of Gondalfo.
Roz will expect you on Monday at 2.
For your information, Brie had a very tough row to hoe growing up.
It's not easy going through life with only one nostril.
Did I mention she had a cold that night? Monday at 2 it is.
WOMAN: We're at the point where all communication has broken down.
- He won't even listen to me.
- Linda.
Do you how annoying that is, not to be listened to? - Linda.
- It's driving me crazy.
I was hoping maybe you would speak to him directly.
Excuse me one moment.
Thank you for the brilliant job of call-screening.
How do I get out of this? Did you think of saying there are other callers on the line? Linda, I'd love to go into this in more depth, but, unfortunately, we're nearly out of time and Roz has lots of other callers waiting anxiously on the line.
Actually, Dr Crane, all our lines are open.
So you can talk to him? Good.
I'm putting him on the line right now.
- Go ahead.
- All right.
Murray, you're dealing with your problem in a very self-destructive manner.
It won't be solved by refusing to eat.
Do you hear me? [CAT MEOWS OVER PHONE] Oh, my God, it's working.
He's eating.
Dr Crane, what did you say to him? Well, I'd like to tell you, but that would violate doctor-cat confidentiality.
Oh, well, Seattle, I'm afraid we're out of time.
This is Dr Niles Crane, one down, four to go.
See you tomorrow.
That little bit of sabotage was not amusing.
Then why did coffee come out of my nose? Hey, Dr Dolittle, I heard your show.
- It didn't suck.
- "Dear diary" So how's it feel? Like I'm walking away from my lamppost and counting the bills in my garter belt.
[WHISTLE BLOWS] Okay, both of you get out of here.
I gotta set up for my show.
I got Reggie MacLemore on my show today.
Don't ask me why.
- I wasn't even going to ask who.
- He's a guard for the Sonics.
He used to be unstoppable.
Twenty points a game, easy.
Now he's in the tank.
Just what I need on my show, a loser.
Oh, look, there he is now.
What an overpaid, worthless piece of - Hey, Reggie, my man! - What's up? How you doing, man? You never call me unless you need tickets, man.
What's up with that? [YELLS] I love this guy.
Reggie MacLemore, Roz Doyle.
- Hi.
I'm a big fan of yours.
- Thanks.
I'd introduce you to this guy, but he doesn't know squat about sports.
On the contrary.
In prep school, I was an ardent sportsman.
Until an inflamed instep forced me to resign from the croquet club.
I'll see myself out.
Oh, hey, wait a minute.
You're the shrink.
I heard you in my car on the way over.
Dr Niles Crane.
It's a pleasure.
Doc, wait.
You sounded like you really know what you're talking about.
Anyway, there's this sort of problem I've been having, and I was wondering Maybe you could help me out.
Well, what is it? Well, you see, for the last two weeks, every time I get my hands on the pill, I choke.
Well, have you tried mashing it with a spoon? You don't watch much basketball, do you? It's my game, man.
Because of me, we've lost six in a row.
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