-Morning, Roz.
- Niles called.
He'll be over at seven.
- Thanks.
You seem awfully calm today.
- Why shouldn't I be? You're usually anxious in ratings week.
- That starts today? - I shouldn't have mentioned it.
You do this every year.
You convince yourselfwe'll have no good callers, but our listeners always come through.
You're on.
Hello, Seattle.
This is Dr Frasier Crane.
I was reminded this morning of a jaunty aphorism that's credited to the great thinker Spinoza.
Oh, God! - What's your problem? - Hi.
Well, I'm kind ofindecisive.
Well, I'm not.
Frasier Crane Show.
I want to change careers.
I feel trapped.
It's not a great problem, but hold, please.
Frasier Crane Show.
what's your problem? - It's sort of embarrassing.
- Amen.
I was a bed-wetter as a child and I think the problem's coming back.
Great.
Hold, please.
Career change? I got a bed-wetter holding.
Are you trapped because you're a woman trapped inside a man's body? - I don't think so.
- I can't get you on then.
I really wanted to talk to him.
I guess that could be part ofit.
Good answer.
Hold, please.
Bed-wetter, I got a transsexual in crisis.
You've got to beat that.
Ever wet a bed with anybody else in it? A hooker, best friend's wife? No.
- Do you want to talk to the doc or not? - OK.
I guess the third one.
Hold, please.
Hey, transsexual.
- Is that me? - Yeah.
Have you ever run for political office or considered it? - Like congressman? - Perfect.
Don't get me started on rationalistic pantheism or there go the three hours.
I think it's time we went to the phones.
Roz, whom do we have? A bed-wetting adulterer, unless you'd rather speak to Roger on line two who's a transsexual running for Congress.
Go ahead, Roger, I'm listening.
Why did you chicken out like that? She's younger than I am.
She probably dates doctors and lawyers.
- She wouldn't be interested in me.
- Who wouldn't be interested? A certain someone had the chance to ask a certain someone else - from the building on a date.
- That would be Mrs Crowley.
And bailed out again.
The Crane men have not enjoyed success in the romance department lately.
We're all a bit gun-shy.
Gun-shy, sensitive, picky.
You're all full of excuses.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get you married off and out ofthis house.
Hello? Why, Mrs Crowley, we were just talking about you.
Yes, he's here.
Hold on.
Hi.
Really? No, I'm not busy.
Dinner sounds like fun.
A certain someone is inviting a certain someone else to dinner.
Yes, and where would the world be without you Brits and your knack for code-cracking? Sure, I'd love to.
Thanks.
And thanks for asking me.
Bye.
She's invited me to her place tomorrow night.
Guess my little hard-to-get plan really paid off.
Yes, you should write a book.
"How to Get a Date in Two Easy Years".
- Hello, Niles.
- Frasier.
Dad.
Hey, Daphne.
- What have got there? - Patient files.
Frasier's helping me with my couples' group.
Your father's starting a couples' group tomorrow.
Mrs Crowley? It's ironic.
Dad's doing better in that department than either of of us.
Not true.
That's what I wanted to tell you.
Maris and l are back on the expressway to love.
Well, if not the expressway, at least the on-ramp.
I owe it all to the best psychiatrist I have ever known.
- That's very flattering.
- Dr Bernard Schenkman, our new marriage counsellor.
He's a wizard.
Maris is thrilled with him.
It's as if he's discovered the magic elixir to repair the shattered fragments of her psyche.
- I don't know what to call it.
- The words "crazy glue" leap to mind.
Doctor Schenkman's helped me, too.
He pinpointed my primary failing.
- Which is? - I'm too predictable.
I don't know if I'd count that as a failing.
I do and so does Maris.
But I'm going to do something about it.
In half an hour I'll show Maris spontaneity beyond her dreams.
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