- You could live here.
- Are you asking me? - Would you like to? - Would you like me to? - Yeah.
- Then I will.
I gave the greatest speech of my condo-board career, which lead to a vote, which lead to the ruling that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his in the sub-basement.
You think that's smart, ticking off the guy who lives right above us? - Well, the move's off.
- What? Just temporarily.
My parents are coming for a visit.
Just to clarify, you're going to stay here, but your parents are going to stay with me.
I'm so glad you understand.
If she thinks you're a virgin, how are you going to explain our plan to live together? I wonder how important it is that she ever finds out.
- Dad scarpered.
- He left? SIMON: Yeah.
- It's true.
Thank goodness I have my children to lean upon.
Oh, don't cry, Mum.
I really thought this junket to America would cheer you up.
It still can.
Get out there and see the country.
Yes, immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this America.
How did you do that? Cam Winston! It was a good idea, taking Mum out today.
- Helped take her mind off Dad.
- Yeah.
Though I'm not sure the zoo was the best idea.
The sight of those amorous wolverines seemed to set her back a bit.
Amorous? I thought they were trying to kill each other.
Well, either way, it seemed to remind her of something.
Hello, Mrs.
Moon.
Would you care for a bite to eat? Oh, that would be lovely, if I thought I could keep anything down.
How could your father do this to me? You sleep down the hall from someone for 40 years, you think you know them I know you're upset, Mum, but it's not like you and Dad had a perfect marriage.
That's because there's no such thing.
You young, modern people think marriage is some sort of promenade through paradise, when it's more like a march through hell with a man strapped to your back and a litter of nasty babies swinging from your teats.
Yeah, obviously this is a very upsetting time for all of us.
But remember, tomorrow is another day.
You're right, dear.
And the sooner you get home to bed, the sooner it'll be here.
But it's only 9:30.
And with every tick of the clock, your womanly resistance weakens.
And before you know it, he'll be on top of you like one of those bloody badgers at the zoo.
Actually, those were wolverines, and there's a chance they may have been fighting.
It has been a long day.
Maybe it's best if I leave.
- All right.
- Yeah.
I'll see you tomorrow, Mum.
- Good night, Niles.
- Good night.
Well, hey, you still up? Can't sleep.
Every time I look outside, I feel like I'm living inside a giant clown's pocket.
I tell you, Cam Winston has not heard the last of this.
I am calling an emergency meeting of the condo board tomorrow morning.
You can't fight this, Fras.
It'll just look like you're attacking the flag.
I'm not attacking the flag.
Cam is using the flag to attack me.
You're right, but you're still gonna lose.
But the building has bylaws about this sort of thing.
If this was anything but the American flag, people would demand that it be taken down.
Face it, Fras, Cam's got you on this one.
- Boy, I have to say, that guy is smart.
- Oh, really? If he's so smart and you're so smart, why don't you two live together? At least he's got a view.
What on earth do you think you're doing? Oh, sorry.
I didn't know you was here.
Oh, Frasier, this is Loretta.
Loretta Well, you know who you are.
[LAUGHING] [GASPS] I love your curtains.
I'm sorry, but we are not entertaining guests this evening.
You'll have to leave.
Wait.
You told me this was your place.
You're probably not even the duke of England.
Oh, yeah? Then why do I talk this way? Well, you're just a big contraceptive, aren't you? I've just about had it with you, Simon.
You have blown my speakers, you have clogged my Jacuzzi and you have ingested half of my bath products.
You are no longer welcome in my home.
- What exactly are you implying? - Get out! Fras, you can't throw him out.
Where's he gonna go? Oh, he'll land on his feet.
Probably end up shacking up with some two-bit floozy.
Simon.
- What are you doing here? - Hello, love.
It appears that the front door to the building is locked.
Yeah, that's how we keep drunks from wandering in.
Well, I seem to be without appropriate accommodation at the moment.
I just thought I'd take you up on your kind and generous offer.
I never said you could stay here.
Well, Frasier's thrown me out.
All right, well, sleep in Martin's Winnebago.
Well, wouldn't I love to do that, but when I got down there, there was this gigantic Humvee blocking the door.
Simon, this isn't my problem.
- Well - You have got to go.
Look, Roz, I'll level with you.
I know that we've had a chequered history, and I'm probably not the sort of person that you'd want in your house.
But I'm asking for your help.
As a friend.
As Daphne's brother.
Please, just let me stay one night.
You won't even notice me.
Just the tiniest spot on the floor would be a gift.
Look, I'll be gone in the morning.
I'll never darken your doorstep again.
Please, Roz, I've got nowhere else to go.
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