That's Lobstertainment So I says, "Super Collider?|I just met her.
" And then they built the Super Collider.
|Thank you.
You've been great.
Humorbot 5.
0, ladies and gentlemen.
Our next standup's a veteran|of four comedy traffic schools.
Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! - Yeah!|- All right! Earth.
What a planet.
On Earth,|you enjoy eating a tasty clam.
On my planet,|clams enjoy eating a tasty you! Maybe I'm not loud enough.
On Earth,|everybody is looking for a squid! On my planet- Reload.
So these three parasitic worms|bore into a human's head.
And they walk up to the bar|and then- Uh-oh.
Wait! Stop! I've got more! Aw.
My whole life I worked on that act.
- And they hated it.
|- You're a crazy lobster doctor! - You shouldn't be a comedian!|- But comedy is in my valves.
My Uncle Harold was a big star|back in the era of silent holograms.
- Your uncle was Harold Zoid?|- This I cannot deny.
Why, I've been a fan since back when|my hips were made of bone! As it happens,|I still have some of my original 78s.
He's a lot funnier|than you could ever be.
Maybe, but perhaps if I wrote him|and asked for a few hundred pointers This letter has to be very personal,|so I'm writing it in my own ink.
"Dear Uncle Zoid,|Greetings from your nepheW.
Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy?|Remember? NoW I'm the most important doctor|at the company Where I Work.
But my life is bereft of laughter.
" "I beg of you, Mr.
Funny Uncle.
Teach me the comedy business.
|Sincerely, Zoidberg.
" Isn't that nice? - What's that scribble-di-gook?|- It's a letter from my rich nephew who just might be my ticket out|of this flophouse, he might.
Yeah, you'd better run! "Dear Rich Doctor Nephew,|I can help you be funny.
The first funny thing|you must do is put your money in check form|and come to Hollywood.
" "Sincerely, Harold Zoid.
|cashier's check.
" Did you hear that?|I'm going to Hollywood! Welcome to Hollywood! I must warn you there's no refund if you get|discovered and leave the tour.
I'm kidding.
That never happens.
Now, to your right, you'll see|30th Century Fox Studios.
Fox uses searchlights|to blind pilots then film|the resulting plane crashes.
- Neat!|- Ahead you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,|star of the hit film Bravehead.
Do we have any fans of Calculon star of the robot soap|All My Circuits? I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll want to get a close look|at his Bel Air home.
Yes, I will.
- Are you my hot-water heater?|- No.
- We met once.
Remember?|- Absolutely not.
Remember I was bugging you a lot? - You remember, right?|- Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.
Unless you can heat water|to 212 degrees, I'm not interested.
Have you got an extra GOTO 10 line?|I don't need a Bender.
That was the other guy.
|My name's Boiler.
- Nice work, Boiler.
|- Thanks.
And call me Bender.
That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid|to discuss my dreams.
Next time you see me,|don't be surprised if I've eaten.
Uncle Zoid! You look young enough|to be thrown back.
Rich nephew! Come over here|and give your uncle a nice, big meal.
So, here we are.
A still-famous film comedian And a rich, respected doctor|with surviving patients.
Eating in a restaurant,|as we both often do.
- So, you want to be a comedian, is it?|- It's my lifelong dream.
That dream dies now!|You're unfunny and untalented! - That's why you're perfect for drama!|- Hm.
Serious drama? Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.
I'm putting together|a big drama picture as we speak.
The script is dynamite!|I know because I wrote it myself.
By directing and starring I'll be back on top|after 50 miserable years - of fame.
|- Ah, fame.
- Where do I come in?|- This film has a juicy part for you if you completely finance it|with your money.
So, are you in? Uh, okay.
How much|do I have to invest? Not much.
Not much.
|A million dollars.
Then it's settled.
|Another big Hollywood deal! - What can I get you?|- Is bread free? - Yeah.
|- We'll split an order.
- What's with Monstro?|- He promised his uncle a million bucks.
I've been here a day,|and already I'm a Hollywood phony.
Perhaps I could call on|TV's Calculon to help now that I'm in show biz.
- Since when have you been in the biz?|- Long enough, little man.
Long enough.
I would be remiss|if I didn't bring you scripts that can make you|an international film star.
Tell me about the project.
- It's a movie.
|- Interesting.
Tell me more.
Get this.
For a scant|$1 million investment you can be the star.
And? - And it'll win you an Oscar.
|An Oscar, you say? That would get me out|of television once and for all.
Let me see the script.
Wait! Harold Zoid? - Was this written by the Harold Zoid?|- Written and xeroxed.
Good heavens.
A chance to work|with the legendary Harold Zoid! He's one of my idols! - You can guarantee me the Oscar?|- I can guarantee anything.
- Then I'll do it!|- Hooray! Here's your checkbook! Ladies and gentlemen,|our director the legendary Harold Zoid! Thank you.
|A more classic movie plot there isn't.
A son doesn't want to follow|in his father's business.
And that business is being|president of Earth.
The son is vice president.
That makes sense.
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