Shatner's log: Airdate: unknown.
The impossible has happened.
It would take days to recount|the event's I've witnessed.
So, settle in.
It all began Quiet you! This court martial is now in session! The honourably sexy Zapp Brannigan residing.
Bring in the accused! Oh my! Phillip J.
Fry.
You stand accused of travelling|to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent|death sentences.
You understand the charges? "Yes", so noted.
Do you plead guilty? Double "Yes".
Guilty! I will now carry out the sentences.
- Kif, my gun.
|- Wait! He plead not guilty.
Order! Order in the court! Very well then Mr Fry.
Please recount the events that lead you to be guilty.
The Professor said he was taking a brief nap, so we only have time for 6 movies.
Lets take these 6 Jim Carrey movies|and record over them.
You know what 6 movies average|out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Those words are forbidden! Quels mots? Star Trek? Shut your gills! That sound! Patrol Car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued.
Perhaps we could hear more about|these forbidden words, from someone with a sexilly seductive voice.
With pleasure.
You see the show was banned after|the Star Trek wars.
You mean after the vast migration of Star Wars fans? No, that was the Star Wars trek.
By the 23rd Century Star Trek fandom had evolved from the loose assosciation of nerds with|skin problems into a full blown religion.
«And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship|where they would be no Tribble at all.
» «All power to the engines.
» As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.
And so the Trekkies were executed in|the manner most befitting virgins.
He's dead Jim! Finally, the sacred texts were banned.
.
The last copies of the 79 episodes and 6 movies were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3.
Along with that blooper reel where the door|doesn't close all the way.
Last, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.
Another classic Science-Fiction show cancelled before its time.
I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.
Next witness! Will Bender the robot please take the stand.
She's all yours buddy! I'd only met the defendant Fry once, but I knew he was up to no good.
Please use the beeps.
Mr Nimoy.
I came as soon as I heard|what happened centuries ago.
I can't believe your show was banned.
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
You know.
1966, 79 episodes, about 30 good ones.
Oh really, I've done too many things|to remember one particular TV series.
But if you want to discuss my books of poetry C'mon! Remember that episode where you go|high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No.
Perhaps you're thinking of my one man|show about Vincent van Spock.
I mean Van Gogh! Damn! You can't escape it! Oh you're right I can't.
Jeez, don't get upset.
I mean, OK I outwitted you but No, it's my fellow cast members.
This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard.
Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend.
But I just signed a 6 month lease on my apartment.
I can't walk away from a commitment like that.
Very well my friend.
Why did the world turn its back|on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your co-stars may be gone but we can|still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yesss! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3!|It's forbidden, I forbid you! But we have to.
The world needs Star Trek to give|people hope for the future.
But it's set 800 years in the past! Yeah, why is this so important to you? 'cause it, it taught me so much.
Like how you should accept people.
Whether|they be black, white, Klingon or even female.
But most importantly, when I didn't have|any friends it made me feel like maybe I did.
Well, that is touchingly pathetic.
|I guess I can't let you go alone.
I'll go too.
With Leonard's permission of course.
We're entering the Omega system.
Warning: You are now in forbidden space.
Forbidden shmershmidden! What are they gonna|do? Write a letter? I'm so scared! I've lost control of the ship! Dip! Dip indeed! It's all stuff from that forbidden show.
So many cardboard sets, so many memories.
- If only the others|- I guess thats my cue.
Bill! Eldo! - This is wonderful!|- Oh man.
I feel like hugging you.
Well I would but you have no body! And we're both men.
Nichelle! George! Walter!|DeForest! Welshey! Welshey? We did some musical reunion specials|in the 2200's, but the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodelling.
Ever since then, Welshey has been a|welcome participant in our escapades.
I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshey's cousin's|house to stay in the guest room, when our ship was pulled down to this|planet and crashed.
Just like yours.
When we woke up, we had these bodies.
Say it in Russian! Ven ve voke up ve had these wodies.
- Now say nuclear wessels!|- No! You'll love it here! Everything is provided for us.
And we never age.
Check out these abs.
But who's doing all this for you? You know we never thought about it.
We're famous celebrities we're used|to this sort of treatment.
It is I! What a cheesy effect! I am not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Welsheeeeeeeey! This court will now hear some very sensual testemony from this court's ex lover, Turanga Leela.
Go yourself.
Behold another power, different|from the one you saw earlier.
Hey! A body! Buff, tanned.
Yeah, this is mine alright! Alright you gas! What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet.
Over and over I watched them.
|Especially the 5 with the energy beings.
I am Melllvar! Seer of the tapes!|Knower of the episodes! Tremble before my encyclopeadic|knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh.
No one knows more|about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ.
Long have I waited for the one who played Spock.
At last, we can begin.
Cool! A Star Trek convention! Melllvar can you give us some idea|of how long this is going to last? Until time stops.
You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events Can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question! No you have to stay even longer.
Sign it to Melllvar.
Melllvar has three I's.
I think I've done enough conventions|to know how to spell "Melllvar".
Say "nerd"! Nerd! I'm Slim Shady.
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