4. Free Pass (第1季)【完整台词】

1 CEREAL CRACKLES - Can you hear them? - Oh, yes.

Snap, crackle and pop.

They sounds like tiny people.

Plip-plip-plip-plip-plip! "Help me, I can't swim!" Guys, do you mind? What are they doing? Talking about the cereal.

GRUNTING Red man! Red man! Red man! Red man! - Postman's coming.

- How do you? Oh! I'll go with you.

Friends together Fetch the post together Cornflakes were actually invented to stop people from touching themselves, apparently.

Never did like cornflakes.

Give me an egg atop a cutlet any day of the diary.

TOASTER POPS SCREAMS: Ooh! - Toaster.

- Yes, I know, I wasn't scared.

Let me read the post It's so exciting reading one's correspondences.

I bet these are from all your admirers.

WHISPERS: I promise I won't tell Michael! - Anything interesting? Red bill.

Red bill.

Normal bill.

- Ooh! GHOSTS: - Ooh! They're looking for a house to film a new drama in.

GHOSTS GASP Oh, I smell money! - You can eat them now.

- What? They have stopped calling out.

They are dead.

ALISON: Yeah, I mean, it really is an incredible place.

The building itself is 15th-century.

- Wow.

- 1469, to be precise.

Very good.

But the facade is actually mid-16th.

But the facade is actually mid-16th.

'Tis the finest house in the county.

Tell her it's the finest house in the county.

I don't want to blow our own trumpet, but some people say that it is the finest house in the county.

Shall we go inside? I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.

Actors lounging about the house, learning lines, wearing make-up, prancing about the place in loincloths, topless, oiled up.

- Kissing each other probably.

- Oh, gosh! I don't think it's that kind of film, mate! This was the banqueting hall.

- Great space.

- Boo! Oh! Agh! Oh, I forgot to take out the bins.

Anyway, what could I tell you about this room? Henry VIII actually dined here.

Wow! Henry VIII actually dined here.

Sorry, did I say "wow"? I'm just still amazed by that.

- No, it is wow.

- Yeah.

Yeah, you should've seen the banquet.

He had swan.

- He had swan.

- And hog.

- And hog.

- And dumplings.

And figs.

- And figs.

- Absolutely stank out the privy.

And absolutely loved the place.

Absolutely loved it.

As do we! MIKE: Hmm.

Shall we move on? Er, give us a lift? - Mate? - HE SIGHS - OK.

- Thank you.

Yay! - What's the programme, then? - It's a period drama.

- Oh, what period? - Stuart! - Tudor! - Regency! - Regency.

- Yes! THUD! Sorry! Got carried away! Oh, there you are! Are you a sight for sore? Oh, you are kidding me? When I have control of the hands, I am going to punch you so hard.

I think this place is perfect, if you'd be willing to have us here for a couple of months.

How much would you be offering? - 3,000.

- We'd have to sleep on it.

- 3,000 a day is the most we can offer.

- A day?! SHE SNORES Morning! I've just slept on it and I say yes! - And it's a yes from me! - Great! Just to warn you, though, it is quite intrusive.

- Lots of personnel.

- Sounds fun.

It can feel like you're not welcome in your own home.

- Absolutely outrageous.

- We're used to that.

We've had building work going on.

Is there anything structural we should know about? - Well, the floor in this room - No, no, no! No, there's nothing structural.

Everything's structurally sound as a pound! TIMBERS CREAK We were looking at a property in the next village, but they're a big family and they had some issues about which rooms we could use.

Well, we're easy.

You can film wherever you like, when you like.

Cos it's just the two of us.

Yeah CAPTAIN: Oh, here they come.

The riff-raff.

The lags.

This will be chaos.

Hm.

- Morning.

- Mind your backs! ADs on channel 2, please.

LADY BUTTON: Well, I'm keeping out of it.

Yes, though I might just, erm check.

HE CLEARS HIS THROA Hm.

Um HE CLEARS HIS THROA Oh, that looks absolutely lovely, that, doesn't it? You going to put an egg on it? He's put an egg on it! HE CHUCKLES - Can I have some veggie sausages, please? - No.

- On a roll.

- No.

- Disgusting.

- You be beautiful wigs that I ever did s Ooh! SHE RETCHES Have you left your tongs on, Tina? Is this meant to be 1820s? Those are Rococo chairs and tables.

You can tell by the legs.

They're Rococo legs.

Hi, I'm Adam, I'm the first assistant director.

- Nice to meet you, hi.

- Hi.

Mike.

Sorry What do you mean, he's still in make-up? We're not meant to have more than 15 people on this floor, and some of these things weigh as much as people, so that's It'll be fine.

I'm sure that's an exaggeration.

- But the survey said - Yeah, the survey also said that we need to replace the drains, and we need this money to do that.

There aren't that many people, anyway.

As long as there isn't anything that's too heavy.