Nice.
And don't forget bug spray.
It's perfect for spraying in the face of hitchhikers.
Whoa! An RV, camping gear.
Are you running from the law again? Dude, it's the ultimate Oregon road trip adventure.
More like revenge trip.
Every year, my tourist trap competitors prank the Mystery Shack.
Last year, those hooligans duct taped Soos to the ceiling.
- That was a fun 78 hours.
- Well, no more.
This year, we're visiting every tourist trap along the Redwood Highway, and I'm gonna prank back every single one.
Bow-wow.
Time to let the Road Dawgs bark.
That is us.
We are the Road Dawgs.
Thanks for letting me bring Candy and Grenda along - for our road trip, Grunkle Stan.
- The more, the merrier.
Just sign these non-disclosure agreements.
None of your parents are lawyers, right? What do you say, dude? You comin'? I already went to the trouble of packing all your stuff.
Even the stuff you kept in that secret box under the bed.
Whoa! What the - What's that? - Uh, nothing.
Just Wendy stuff, from old times.
Bro, I thought you were finally past all this.
I know, I know.
I know she's not interested, and I know it's over, but how do you just turn off the way you feel about someone? Two words, Dipper.
Move on.
Yeah, dude, and a road trip's the perfect place to meet new people.
_ 2x16 - Roadside Attraction Man, RV's are amazing.
I can't believe we're sitting at a table in a moving vehicle.
Ooh! Informational travel pamphlets.
I want to read them all and gain their travel knowledge.
Kid, those useless pamphlets have never helped a single person.
The only wrinkly old travel guide you'll need is me.
Now look alive.
We're coming up on an attraction run by the most black-hearted proprietor in all of Oregon.
Don't let the face fool you.
This woman lit my car on fire on two non-consecutive occasions.
Whoa! I'm going in, girls.
Whaaaa! Okay, like Soos said, meet new people.
- So, uh, come here often? - No.
I'm a tourist.
You're funny and cute.
I mean, not cute.
I mean, you're not not cute.
Whew, let me start over.
My name is Dopper.
Dipper, hop to.
This ball of yarn ain't gonna prank itself.
Something on your mind, kiddo? Thinkin' about Miss Cold Shoulder over there, huh? Ah, I'm so embarrassed.
Look, earlier this summer, I ruined my chances with Wendy.
Yeah.
Chances.
And I wanna move on, but I'm terrible at talking to girls.
The moment I open my mouth around them, I unravel like like well, I can't think of a perfect metaphor, but you get the gist.
At this rate, I'm gonna grow up to be a sad loner like - Toby Determined.
- Whoa, never say that about yourself.
Lucky for you, I'm an expert on women.
Listen to me, kid.
When it comes to girls, always be confident, and be funny, but not too funny.
And be kind of annoying, but in a loveable way.
I don't know, Grunkle Stan.
This sounds kinda jerky.
Hey, "jerky" is just a term non-jerks use to bad-mouth innocent jerks.
Confidence, comedy, some third word starting with a "C.
" The three C's of the Stan Pines Dating Technique.
At the next tourist trap, try out my advice - on the first girl you see.
- Cool.
Grunkle Stan, thanks.
Hey, I'm full of good ideas.
Speakin' of which, everyone, now! Why, you gol-darned son of a no-good! _ I'll get you, Stan Pines! _ Ah, Upside-down Town.
The nausea capital of the state.
Whatever you do, don't use the bathrooms.
Road Dawgs! Nice! - Whoa! - So weird.
All right, kid, this is it.
Be confident.
Hi.
I'm Dipper.
Crazy place, right? Oh, hi.
I'm Emma Sue.
You know, if you pretend we're right-side up, it looks like everyone's hair is standing on end.
Huh, yeah.
Weird, right? Pretend you're screaming.
Okay.
You gotta take a picture of me, though.
Let's see whoa! Ho ho, just kidding.
- You are the worst.
- You bet I am.
I'm bad, Emma.
Kind of a jerk.
Emma, come on.
We have to get to Canada - before your mother gives birth.
- It's a long story.
- Maybe you could tell me sometime.
- Here's my email address.
Write me and I'll tell you all about it.
A girl gave me her email, and it wasn't out of pity.
Ha ha, yes! Ugh! I'm okay.
I'm better than okay.
Mabel, hi.
There's my Grenda.
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