Hi, Mom, hi, Dad, how the heck are you guys? MAGGIE: Hi, honey, we're fine.
How was school today, Ben? Fantastic.
-That good, huh? -Wait till you hear.
When the principal was finished doing the announcements over the PA she got a shock when she touched the microphone and yelled out a naughty word.
So that's what made it a fantastic day? You bet.
Boy, you could hear that dirty word echoing through the halls.
Well, look who made it through another day of school.
Yeah, just barely.
Hey, Dad, do you think I could borrow about $217? Okay, I'll settle for 5.
ANNOUNCER: WZLP time is 4:15 and that's jackpot call-in time.
Two thousand big ones in the hopper right now.
Just waiting for you to call 555-LOOT and tell me the name of this song.
[ROCK SONG PLAYS OVER RADIO] -That's-- -I know the song.
Ben, I got it, I got-- -Dial already.
-All right, all right.
-Hurry up.
-Go, Mike, go.
CarolÂs been driving me crazy playing that song.
Boy, am I glad she's my sister.
Doesn't that get you right here? Hi, listen, I know the song.
It's-- Aw, it's a recording.
All the lines are busy.
What a shame, Mike.
Well, maybe next time.
Yeah, Dad, since I didn't win the 2000, how about the 5? This isn't your day, Mike.
I got news that will cheer you up.
Wait till you hear what Mrs.
Gunn said over the PA.
Don't you dare quote her.
Hi, Mom, hi, Dad.
MAGGIE: Hi, sweetheart.
-Carol, a breath of normalcy.
Ha, ha.
Oh, listen, I need a note from one of you for that field trip next week.
I need canned food for the charity.
MAGGIE: Great.
-And I really need a nose job.
Sure.
-Did she just say--? And I said--? -Yes.
-No.
-Yes.
-Carol.
-Carol.
-Carol.
-Yes? -Did you just say--? -What's this--? -After you.
-Go ahead.
-Did you just say--? -Honey, what's this--? I give up.
Did you just say you wanted a nose job? I knew you guys would be upset.
-Oh, we're not upset, honey.
-Of course not.
-We wanna know what this is about.
-But we certainly aren't upset.
We'd be upset if we thought you were serious about it.
I am.
Well, then, we're upset.
I've been thinking about this for a long time.
And then this girl in my Latin class came in after having it done.
And, Mom, she looks great.
But, honey, you have a cute nose.
You have a perky little button nose.
Yeah, you have your mother's nose.
I know.
No, Mom, Mom, it looks good on you.
You can get away with a big nose.
No, I mean, because all your other features are big too.
I don't mean big, I just mean-- Carol, give up.
[PHONE RINGS] Carol, who says you have a big nose? Well, I do, and that's what matters, right? Hey, Carol, someone named Charlotte Bowser is on the phone.
Oh, great, she's giving me all the information about her plastic surgeon.
Carol, wait, we're talking to you.
Oh, I know, but this is important.
Wait, wait a minute, did I just hear right? Is Carol actually considering plastic surgery? Mike, this doesn't concern you.
Okay, all right, but before I go, I just wanted to say bravo.
This isn't like Carol.
You know, where did she get this hyper-concern for her looks? Maggie? What's wrong with my nose? Your nose is beautiful.
Your nose is the first part of you that I fell in love with.
When I get a picture of you in my mind all I see are those two come-hither nostrils.
Look, look at this, as far as noses go this is perfection.
God should have such a nose.
What am I saying? This is the nose of God.
Because you're frustrated with Carol does not mean you have to take it out on me.
Oh, I'm not frustrated, I'm just confused.
I mean, why would our sensible Carol wanna get her face rearranged just because someone named Charlotte Bowser did it? Hey, hey, hey, is it true? CarolÂs getting a face transplant? Ben, let me give you some advice, all right? Don't listen to Mike.
That applies not only to this case, but to life in general.
Jason, you know what? This nose thing is just a phase.
I mean, a lot of teenage girls go through it.
And I know it's hard to believe, but even I did.
-Oh, I believe it.
-You do? I mean, with great difficulty.
You're right, this is a phase.
And I know just what to do about it.
We sit her down, we talk to her, we ask her reasons and we have an intelligent dialogue between a responsible child and her supportive parents.
We ask her all the right questions and Carol will see that she hasn't thought this thing through at all.
A nose job, or rhinoplasty, is an outpatient procedure normally involving a local anesthetic that wears off in about four hours.
It's recommended that the patient remain in bed for one additional day.
There's discoloration of the nose and orbits of the eyes as a result from hematoma from blows of the mallet.
And it costs only $2400.
What did I say? She hasn't thought this through at all.
First of all, I'm still the same Carol who gets straight A's and thinks everything through.
And this is not a whim or an adolescent phase, if that's what you're thinking.
Oh, not me.
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