11. Up All Night (第1季)【完整台词】

What's the most irritating thing my parents say to me? "That's too much cologne.

" "That's how girls end up dead.

" "Don't talk black to me.

" "It's inappropriate because she's your teacher.

" How do you even talk black? End words with "izzle"? [Alex] It's "talk back," you idiot.

Oh.

"Act more like an adult.

" What does "act more like an adult" even mean? [Laughs] Look at you, you're soaked! That is so lame.

You're the one who wanted to do it! What are you two doing? Oh, I picked up one of those Water Weasels.

You hook it on the end of the hose and it flies around in the air.

Just like a weasel.

Yeah.

Look at how awesome.

He's so wet.

I put the weasel in my pants.

He totally did.

[Laughs] [Alex] Dork! Is there a reason why my window's wet? Hmm.

Very difficult to say.

I don't know.

Up top- Ow! Ow! What's wrong? Little- Sweetie, you okay? Little twinge.

Yeah.

- I'll call 911.

- Maybe the firemen will come.

- No, no! No, no! - [Alex] Give me it! The firemen in our town have a reputation for being hot.

Do I resent that? Of course not.

These guys are my friends.

I play basketball with them.

I bake for 'em.

My question is: What's hot? [Jay] Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Coming.

Manny, it's inappropriate because it's your teacher.

What's the big deal anyway? [Vehicle Approaches] It's a surprise.

You'll see.

Oh, my God! [Gloria] Ay, Jay, you didn't? Yes, I did.

I got us into that new Benihana.

They got a chef there that can flip a shrimp into his own hat.

What the hell? Dad! There's my boy! [Laughs] The hell is he doing here? Jay.

No.

He was supposed to pick up Manny yesterday and disappointed him again, as usual.

Now he just sails in here out of the blue? I don't like the guy.

Do I have reasons? Yeah.

Good reasons? Yeah.

How many reasons do I need? None.

I don't like the guy.

[Man] Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey So I would have called, but while I was buying this boat for a friend, - I got chased out to sea by another boat y "tiqui tiqui".

- Were they pirates? I didn't stop to ask.

Well, it's not hard to tell.

Did they have curvy swords and sing songs about how fun it is to be a pirate? [Laughing] Wow.

Jay.

Such a beautiful house, huh? So, we were just headed out to dinner.

What, you think I show up empty-handed? I brought dinner- lobsters! Did you catch them with your bare hands? No.

- But I bought them with my bare hands.

- Wow! And I have some nice wine, a good Cuban cigar for Jay.

Hey, why don't you take a picture of him with your new camera phone.

- I don't have a camera phone.

- You do now.

Awesome! All of this excitement, my heart is just going.

Now, listen to me.

You bring that with you when you come visit me this summer.

We'll go in a race car with my friend, and after that, maybe a bullfight.

I know all these guys.

The matadors, they're like artists.

You're quite the bullfight artist yourself.

I, uh- Manny, why don't you show your father to the kitchen? Por favor.

Dios mío.

Someone put on some music.

- Tonight, we dance! - Oh, we're gonna dance.

Oye, mi amor, ÿestá bien que me quede aquí esta noche? Ay, Javier, yo no sé.

Espérate para ver qué puedo hacer.

What did he say? Does he need money for the lobsters? Jay, be nice.

"Be nice.

" I could be sitting grill-side, watching a guy build an onion volcano.

Instead, I got Rico Suave in my kitchen, and I got a stolen boat in my driveway.

If it was for me, he'd be out of my life.

But it's good for Manny to be with his father.

I just can't believe you ever fell for that act.

Colombians can be very persuasive.

They can make you agree to things before you even know it.

You must have been pretty naive.

Yeah.

But now I'm with the right man, okay? Right.

Javier is only going to stay one night.

Good.

Wait, what? [TV, Indistinct] [Sniffling] Don't be mad.

I just got up to change her.

[Sniffles] Well, Mitchell really wanted to Ferberize the baby.

Ferberize.

It is a method of getting the baby to sleep through the night by, yes, basically letting her cry herself to sleep.

Torture.

It's not torture, Cam.

It's just hard if you happen to be a person who hates to hear another person suffer.

[Sobbing] [Lily Crying On Monitor] [Mitchell] Or two people suffer.

[Wailing] [Crying Continues] No, no.

You got up to comfort her, which only teaches her that every time she cries, her daddy will come in and cuddle her and put on her favorite- [Chainsaw Whirring] What are we watching? Brian De Palma's controversial masterpiece Scarface.

[Machine Gun Fire] For the baby? She happens to like it.

I don't know if it's the colors or the sounds- Oh, here comes the nightclub massacre.

She loves it.

Watch her little eyelids.

It's so cute.

They get so heavy.

[Phil] Oh, that's bad.