15. My Funky Valentine (第1季)【完整台词】

Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh, happy Valentine's Day.

[Clicks Tongue] Aw! Oh! So, Fratelli's tonight? Hello, cannoli canoe.

[Jay] I like it.

Nice fit.

Swanky material.

Jay, you look so strong and sexy.

Like an Olympic wrestler, but with money.

[Both Laugh] Your turn.

Okay.

[Chuckles] This is my favorite day in America.

Happy Valentine's Day, gorgeous.

[Gasps] They're huge! Oh, my God.

Yeah, those will work.

Beautiful.

You can wear 'em tonight.

I have a surprise.

[Gasps] Don't tell me you're finally taking me salsa dancing! And who's David Brenner? Only a Vegas legend.

Is he a magician? 'Cause I love magicians.

He's a comedian.

A comedian? It's Valentine's Day.

I thought we were going salsa dancing, not to watch a comedian.

You're gonna love him.

Trust me.

The guy's hilarious.

Okay, tell me one of his jokes.

He doesn't do jokes.

Does he have a mallet? No.

So then how does he get hit in the head? He doesn't get hit in the head.

He- He makes observations.

He tells the truth in a funny way.

Come on.

He's been on Johnny Carson a hundred times.

Who the hell is Johnny Carson? Oh, for God's sake.

Gloria and I are from different generations.

And I won't lie- It isn't always easy.

I mean, last week she thought Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.

No I didn't.

It was a joke.

I don't get it.

Maybe that's because there's no mallet.

Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.

[Mitchell] was to stay in Northern California.

Did you indicate to her how long that you were gonna take? Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy.

Happy Valentine's Day, Lily.

[Clears Throat] Notice anything different? Oh, that is cute.

Cute? We spent a lot of time on this.

[Chuckles] I don't see how.

You just cut up one of your boas.

Uh- Actually, no.

We repurposed it.

It was sort of a Bob Mackie meets Martha Stewart project.

Okay.

Well, we just thought it would be a nice surprise.

It's hardly a surprise.

I mean, you dress her up for every holiday.

I was giving her a bath last night, and I still saw traces of Martin Luther King behind her ear.

- All right.

Not in the spirit.

We get it.

- No, I'm-I'm sorry.

No.

It's adorable.

I just- I'm really nervous about my closing argument.

Oh, you've been rehearsing for weeks.

You're gonna be great.

Let's hope so.

Hey, and I was wondering- Since you're gonna be in court all day- You can open the chocolates.

Score.

[Doorbell Rings] Hi, Dylan.

Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs.

Dunphy.

Oh.

Dylan, thank you.

That is so sweet.

You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old.

Huh.

Conflicted.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Take this sweet gift as a token of my affection, my unending love and admiration- Oh, my God.

Yay, it's big! [Gasps] Oh, my God.

I love it.

It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Seriously, you gotta put a black light on it.

It'll blow your mind.

Wow! Dylan, I didn't know you could paint.

Oh, I didn't.

I just took a photo and I put it through this program that turns it into a painting.

Oh.

Oh.

So you two actually did that.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's go put this over my bed.

Not- No, no.

Mm-mmm.