16. Fears (第1季)【完整台词】

What am I most afraid of? Hmm.

Let's see.

Global warming and getting a "B.

" The phone ringing in the middle of the night.

That I'm too much of a perfectionist.

Honey, this isn't a job interview.

Oh, man.

Job interviews.

Nothing.

Yeah, right.

What about the pigeons? Oh, I don't like them.

They're shifty.

Losing Mitchell.

Oh! Hotel bedspreads.

Ooh.

Never getting my driver's license.

Or getting one and the picture sucks.

Dying alone.

Oh, Haley, sweetie, did you find your shoes? Mom, please, not today.

I just wanted to know if you found your shoes.

Why are you hounding me? I'm freaking out right now.

You need to relax.

It's just a driver's test.

It's my third driver's test, and if I fail again, I have to wait six months to retake it.

That's six more months of you driving me everywhere.

Then I'm, like, "There's no way I'm wearing that.

" And she was, like- Like.

"Well, if you don't wear it, then you can't play.

" And then I was, like, "That's fine by me.

" Honey, like.

And then she was, like, "Well, if you don't play-" Like! Like! Mom! Stop! Stop saying "like" all the time.

You're embarrassing me! Stop it! Like, like, like, like, aah! Hmm.

Haley.

Found your jacket.

Why is everyone on me? God! Ignore her.

She can't focus on two things at once.

Always a good quality in a driver.

Sweetie, we need to get you some shoes for the dance tonight.

No, we don't.

I'm not going.

What are you talking about? Why would you not be going to the dance? [Exhales] Because school dances are lame.

A bunch of immature boys trying to impress you with how cool they are when they're really just a bunch of dorks.

[Australian Accent] Ready to go down under, mate? Yes.

- What are you doing? - [Together] Treasure hunting.

Wow.

A few days ago, the cable guy was under the house.

When he was leaving, he said to Haley, "Wow.

That's quite a collection you've got down there.

" Here's the thing.

We have no idea what he's talking about.

All week, Luke and I have been getting more and more excited about what it could be.

I bet it's really cool old magazines.

Yeah.

Or a bunch of necklaces made out of animal teeth.

Or bugs frozen in amber.

What if it's really expensive bottles of wine? Or a suit of armor.

[Video Game Sounds] What if there's ancient Indian arrowheads under there? What if it's gold bars? Oh, you think? For God sakes, why don't you go under the house and look? [Man] Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Hey, Cam.

Cam, where did we get this dolly from? From Janice and Olivia.

They brought it over yesterday.

Lily loves it.

Seems a little frilly, you know, coming from them.

What, because they're lesbians? That's sort of an offense stereotype, don't you think? Yeah, I suppose.

I'm sorry.

Oh, hey, did they bring back our coffee maker? No.

It was too big.

They were on their motorcycle.

We got off to an awkward start with our pediatrician, a very nice Asian lady- Irrelevant.

Named Dr.

Miura.

So I took the bold step of inviting her over for brunch.

[Chuckles] I'm sorry.

Uh, bold? She said no patient had ever done it before.

Yeah.

Subtext, "This is weird.

" I didn't hear any subtext.

Do you hear any now? [Exhales] I don't even know why we're doing this.

Because what if Lily gets sick and there's a Tamiflu shortage? Who do you think's gonna get that medicine? The patient she likes, that's who.

Well, maybe if you bake her a cake, she'll give us free X-rays.

It's all about making connections.

Why do you think the dentist gives me all that free stuff? Um, because he's a huge queen and he has a big crush on you.

Really? Do you think so? [Manny] Mom? [Gloria] Hmm? - I have a fever.

- Ay, mi amor.

Come here and I feel you.

Ooh.

I don't wanna get you sick.

It could be fatal.

Then by all means, stand next to me.

Let me feel you.

Ay, papi, but you're not warm.

Uh, probably because you were cooking and your hands are warm.

I better skip the party tomorrow just to be safe.

Oh.

Yeah, the party.

What? [Whispering] The party.

I understand about 20% of what goes on around here.

The party is at an amusement park, and Manny's afraid of roller coasters.

Poor kid.

I don't know where he gets his fear from because his father's not afraid of anything.

No bulls, no heights, no helicopters, no fast cars- But go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come.

Then you'll see fear in his eyes.