6. Run for Your Wife (第1季)【完整台词】

You walk into the room, and she lights up.

You -- you change her diaper with one hand.

I -- nice.

I'm actually jealous of you.

There are so many things that you do that I can't.

You -- you baby-proofed the entire house.

You took care of all the adoption paperwork.

Without you, we wouldn't even have a baby to injure.

Just a couple of forms.

Actually, that was a lot of paperwork.

And you got her on all those preschool waiting lists.

I can't believe you were gonna wait until she was old enough.

You see, that's what makes us a great team.

We each have our own strengths.

Now Who are amazing parents? We are.

I can't hear you.

We are! Don't you forget it.

Okay.

Did we just lock our baby in the car? Did you put the keys in the bag?! I put the keys in the bag.

That's what we always -- Oh, mitchell, I told you not to put the keys in the bag! Don't freak out.

Come on, don't freak out! Lily, it's okay! a, b, c, d, e, f, g What, are you singing to her? People get arrested for this, mitchell! We have to keep her calm.

h, I, j, k, l, m, n, o, p Do all four doors lock?! Do you have a phone?! [ dance music playing ] what? I didn't say anything.

I couldn't hear you.

I'm cranking one of my mash-ups.

Oh.

Hey, hey! There they are.

How was the first day back in prison? Fine.

Yeah.

What are youuys doing? Your mom and I are racing to the mailbox on sequoia and back.

Why? I don't know.

Oh, she knows.

Hey, buddy, as soon as I'm done kicking a little mom butt here, How about I school you in some mariokart? Can't.

Got to work on my journal.

Lame! Hey, uh, alex, you? I have a history paper.

Well, if you want see a little history Being made right here -- not really.

Okay.

[ door closes ] Ready? Are you? I was born ready.

I came out of the womb wearing tiny, little, golden Go! Wings.

I'm breaking the window! Trina: Emergency assistance.

This is trina.

Help! We locked our baby in the car, and people are judging us! I swear to god, I'm gonna break it! Do not break the window! You'll get glass on her! Sir, please tell your wife to relax.

Everything is going to be okay.

That's a man.

Really? Don't worry, lily! Lily, daddy's coming for you! Sir, we just sent the signal.

The door should be unlocked now.

Check -- check the door.

Check the door, check the door.

It's not unlocked! Oh! [ panting ] oh.

Okay.

That is amazing.

How did they do that? I don't know.

It's just -- We got it.

Thank you.

Did that come from space? Claire: I run five miles a day.

I have a resting heart rate of 48.

There is no way I'm going to lose a two-mile race To johnny ski pole.

[ breathing heavily ] Just saving my energy Drafting off of you.

You feeling cocky? Yeah, I am.

[ laughs ] I love it! But after seeing that t-shirt, I realized something.

The first day of school is tough on all my kids, Especially the one I married.

Boo boo boop! Afterburners engaged! Ooh! Don't choke on my smoke! And down the stretch he goes! I don't believe it! Daddy wins! Do you believe in miracles?! U.

S.

A.

! U.

S.

-- Oh, no! Claire: Oh, geez! [ gasps ] Oh, my -- What was that?! Was that a person?! I'm good! Dad?! I'm good! I'm good! Whoo! Are you okay? You're getting better, sweetheart.

Did I lose the race to make him feel better? Maybe.

But it just seemed like he could use a win today.

We do strange things for the people we love.

We lie to them.

We lie for them.

There may beome bumps along the way, But we never stop wanting the best for them.

That's what makes it such a tough job But kind of the best job in the world.

What are you doing?! Keep your eyes on the road! Eyes on the road! Oh, my god! Oh, my [ siray.

Wails ] oh.

Uh-oh.

Kay.

All right, sweetie, this happens.

Remain calm.

That's the first thing.

Pull over right here.

I'll get out the registration.

Mom, I don't like cops.

Okay, pull over right there.

I don't like cops.

All right, there's a space right here.

I can't pull over.

No, I can't.

You need to pull over.

I can't pull over.

I don't like cops.

You got to pull over.

No can do.

I got priors.

I'm speeding up.

The parking ticket from the mall -- I never paid the parking ticket! Keep moving, sweetheart! Dad agrees with me -- I can speed up! [ siren wails ] it's not a movie, haley! Pull over!