9. Fizbo (第1季)【完整台词】

[Siren Wailing In Distance] Do we know anything? No.

They're in there now with the doctor.

We're lucky though.

The paramedics said it could have been a lot worse.

My God, how did this even happen? There he is.

Big day's coming up.

- What do you want for your birthday, big dog? - It's okay.

I'm good.

Come on.

Sky's the limit.

Dream big, my boy.

- Well, I guess I could use a belt.

- A belt? Yeah, you're right.

I don't need it.

Extension cord works pretty good.

[Exhales] Every year, Luke's birthday falls right around Thanksgiving, and so it gets lost in the holiday shuffle.

One year we forgot completely, and we had to improvise a cake of stuffing.

Which, by the way, he was fine with.

He's one of those kids, you get him a gift and all he wants to do is play with the box.

Yeah, one year we actually just got him a box, a really nice box.

And we made the mistake of putting it in a gift bag.

So he played with the gift bag.

We can't get it right.

No.

- I feel terrible.

We gotta do something.

- Oh, yeah.

Um, well, you know, the family is gonna be together for Thanksgiving for the first time in I don't even know how long.

I am so with you.

We should blow this out and throw Luke the best birthday party of all time.

Yes.

Yes.

And we'll order a whole bunch of pizzas and set up an arts and crafts table.

- A what? - A crafts table.

You know, where everybody gathers around and they make stuff, and then bam! - They got their own party favor.

- [Snores] Sorry.

I fell asleep while you were describing the most boring party ever.

[Chuckles] Ow! [Man] Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey See you in a few hours.

Yeah.

Thanks again for the karaoke machine.

- I'll get it back to you right after the party.

- That'd be great.

[Whispers] Please don't.

I beg you.

Don't bring it back.

Okay.

Hey, Phil.

Are, uh, you getting a clown for today? Oh, no.

Luke's not much of a clown fan.

- Really? - Yeah.

He never liked 'em.

- Has he ever seen a good one? - Has- Has anyone? [Chuckles] Really.

So anyway, thanks again.

Okay.

Yep.

See you later.

- No clown? No- No clown? - Let it go.

Who throws a party without a clown? Since the late '30s, I'd say most people.

You know what? We haven't gotten Luke a present yet.

- Maybe a clown could be our present.

- Cameron.

Cameron.

If Phil and Claire wanted to get Luke a clown, they would've.

This is not our party.

But- This is not our party.

But I just- Fine.

What would you suggest we get him then, hmm? Get him a gift card.

A gift card? Yeah.

Who hurt you? Hey, Gloria, you got any idea how to wrap one of these things? Is that a crossbow? Yeah.

Am I the greatest grandpa in the world or what? We can't give Luke a crossbow.

He pokes himself in the eye every time he uses a straw.

Are you kidding? I had one when I was his age.

My dad used to give me a quarter for every crow I bagged.

And I used to have a machete.

But times have changed.

It'll be fine.

I'll teach him how to use it.

Hey, pal, how's it going? Am I charming? - Oh, boy.

- Of course you're charming.

- Who said you were not charming? - No one.

But there's a girl in my school, and I want her to like me.

- I need your advice, Jay.

- Really? - She's gonna be at Luke's party.

- Well, I'm a little thrown.

I mean, you don't usually come to me for advice.

Well, this is one area in which you've done pretty well.

He has a point.

I've tried everything to get her attention- opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria.

Nothing's worked.

Here's the deal.

Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff.

They go for power and success.

And since you don't have either one of those things, you're gonna be the funny guy.

No, no, no.

I want the most dangerous reptile you've got.

I have an iguana that eats crickets.

That'd be scary if it was a birthday party for crickets.

Seriously, Jungle Tanya, I need you step it up a notch.

Is there anything that scares the cocoa out of you? Uh, not really.

I do have a bearded dragon.