11. A Moving Day (第10季)【完整台词】

Hey, you guys.

I packed up some dishes for the new house.

I even found your old sippy cup for when the little one comes along.

- Aww.

- Thanks, Mr.

D.

Thanks, Dad.

Is, uh, Mom still in there making that judgy face? Haley, you've known her for 25 years.

Just call it her face.

Haley's pregnancy is off to a rough start.

Nausea, moodiness, trouble sleeping Claire's got it all.

Me, I'm just trying to keep the peace here in Hormone Town.

Oh, can you believe it, Claire? Our little girl is growing up.

Yeah, it seems like just yesterday we were carrying all these boxes downstairs after she got arrested and kicked out of college.

- [Chuckles] - Ah.

Yeah, I've been through a lot, too.

I've been a limo driver, a lead singer, a ranch hand, a Dapper Dan at Disneyland, a t-shirt designer, a sign spinner and now a nursing student with a baby on the way.

It's all going according to plan.

- Oh.

- So, we're gonna take some stuff over.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let's get a, uh Let's get a mother/daughter picture.

Oh Oh, honey, I don't We we really don't have to.

No, no, no.

It'll be cute.

Uh, Dad, you're being weird.

No one wants this.

Hang on here.

Nope, that's my finger.

[Chuckles] So many fun filters.

Both: Just take the picture! Claire, look at the positive.

One of our kids is finally moving out.

After her pregnancy test, I've had enough positives.

Kind of reminds me of two other unmarried, pregnant, lovestruck kids who moved in together about 25 years ago.

It's not the same.

I don't know.

Acid-wash their jeans and put a dream catcher in Dylan's ear, and it's exactly the same.

Honey, I had a dream last night that they left the baby in an Uber, and I had to shrink myself down to commandeer a hummingbird to find it.

I'm just glad it wasn't another Jake Tapper sex dream.

I'm mad.

I'm scared they're in over their heads Claire, it's happening.

They're having the baby.

The train's left the station.

Get on board.

[Sighs] Fine.

You're right.

You're right.

I'll I'll try to be positive.

Good.

I was gonna go pick up a house-warming gift for them.

- Why don't you come with me? - Oh, okay, let's do that.

Wait a second.

How do you board a train that's already left the station? I don't know.

Maybe you could catch up to them on a hummingbird with Jake Tapper.

Well, you're off the hook.

I'm flying to Branson solo, and I guess I'll be sitting next to a stranger at The Osmond Brothers: A Tribute to Hip Hop.

Well, I'll catch them when they come to Compton, but thank you.

Well, it's the least I could do after what you did for my sister, Pam.

My sister, Pam, is coming to pick up Cal to to take him back to Missouri.

She was supposed to be in prison another three months, but my wonderful husband, Assistant D.

A.

Pritchett, wrote a letter advocating for her early release.

It was nothing.

It actually was nothing.

I never wrote any letter.

It just It didn't feel right.

Pam showed no remorse, and her sentence was fair.

And And then for some reason, they decided to let her out early anyway.

Fortunately, uh, parole records are sealed, so Pam and Cam will never know, and I don't have to go to Branson and hear the Osmonds ask if they can get a "what-what.

" - [Doorbell rings] - [Gasps] That's her! Cal, that's your mom! She's back from her, um trip? Up the river.

Pam! There she is! - Hey, y'all! - Oh, it's so good to see you! - Hi! - Hi.

- Momma! - [Gasps] There's my little chicken nugget! Ooh, my goodness! I missed you so much.

How have you been? They read to me every night.

Aw, don't worry, baby.

That's all over now.

Oh, almost forgot! Look what Momma made you.

I'm gonna put it on my bike! Oh, he's gonna put it on his bike! Oh, Pam, it is so great that you're out.

It must've been so lonely in there.

Well, there was some companionship.

Good.

- I dabbled in lesbianism.

- Oh.

Didn't hate it.

But there was just too much talking afterwards.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get you some iced tea.

- Yeah.

[Chuckles] Again, I'm I'm so sorry that you can't stay upstairs.

- We have this new renter coming in, and - Cram it.

I know you didn't send that letter.

What? H-How? That don't matter.

All that matters is you're gonna pay.

Oh In prison, they called me BOTOX, because even though all the ladies want me, I will wreck your face.

Sherry, I-I don't know if I like these.

They're so short.

No, that's the style, boo.

I just don't know if I have the ankles for this.

Yeah, those pants are no good for Latin people.

They make you look like you're trying to run across a river.

Well, I think you look great.

You should only wear pants like that from now on.