17. The Wild (第10季)【完整台词】

This Smith & Wiley lock is the gold standard.

All right, I think we are now ready to put together our beautiful, L-shaped crib.

I-I This can't be right.

One's way bigger.

And what, my babies are supposed to come and go as they please, like they're in a halfway house? Um, so, a minor misreading of the diagram.

I think we're just gonna need to swap a short side for a long side.

And in the meantime, we bent that bracket.

Alex, would you mind running down to the hardware store? No way.

I don't trust myself to drive anymore.

I signed up to be the student liaison for a visiting scholar on campus Sir Kenneth Penrose.

Yes, that Sir Kenneth Penrose.

Rock star of the microbiology world.

I know you must hear this a lot, but you're the reason I took up snooker.

Do you still play? I've had to lay down my cue lately.

I've been working for months on an Ebola vaccine.

Just moments ago, I had a breakthrough.

I can't wait to get to the lab and jot - Hey! - Aah! Whoa! That was my chemistry advisor.

I would not want to be known as the girl who Sir Kenneth? W-Where am I? You don't know the shame.

Now they won't let me drive around anyone smarter than a sociology professor.

You know what else hit the ground today? Me.

While I was bending over to pickup a doughnut off the floor! It was covered in dust balls, but I didn't care, 'cause I'm a disgusting pig monster.

Oh, honey, please.

You're as as beautiful as ever.

Tell that to MugScan.

MugScan is a face-recognition program we use at work.

It was really mean to me.

Good morning, Wayne.

Wayne? I'm not Wayne, you jerk! Gosh! You all right, Haley? I'm fine, Wayne.

One of my shoes flew off in the fall, and I couldn't put it back on because my feet were so swollen.

You know who makes a great shoe? New Balance.

I wear them when I power-walk to Neil Diamond.

Hey, Mom, is this divider a little too high? No.

No, it's supposed to be that way.

That way, if one twin wants to visit the other, he can just go, "Ah, doot, doot, doot.

Hi!" - Aaaah! - Hey! Couple thoughts.

- Pair of 7s.

- Ace high.

Everyone, I'd like you to meet Don Lemon and RuPaul, a pair of black queens.

Mitchell, that's the third time you've wandered over there.

What are you doing? - Nothing.

- He's got something in his mouth.

- Get him! - No.

No, I don't.

- Come here! - No, no, no! - Don't Don't fight.

Don't He has beef jerky! That's the last of it.

I swear.

- He's lying.

Check his pockets.

- No, I - Stop it, stop it, stop it! - It's a family pack! I hope the jerky was as delicious as the irony.

- Give it! - No, stop it! Stop it No! Great.

We're sending beef smoke signals to a forest full of bears.

I'm sorry! I should've shared! Meanwhile, there is a sack full of hiking snacks just up the road! Brie, prosciutto, not to mention a wonderful maple-walnut butter that Gloria recommended on her Pinterest board.

That's it.

I'm going out there.

Jay, wait! If you see a bear, remember blind it with the flash on your phone, then lie on your back in a submissive pose.

I'm not doing that.

If I come face-to-face with a bear, he better run! It's darker out there Aaaaaaaah! Are you sure it was the best idea to attach these before moving them upstairs? Yeah, I eyeballed the space.

It really should fit easily.

Ow! Except Alex apparently has steered us into a jam.

Oh, that must be the pizza guy.

Coming, Carl! You know the pizza guy's name? No! - Hi.

- Hey, Haley.

Surprised to get an order from you before midnight.

By the way, how'd you like that custom shrimp and potato pizza? I don't even know what you're talking about.

Loved it.

Love you.

Gonna go get my wallet! Mom? Okay.

Alex, run downstairs and get a screwdriver.

This whole thing will fit easily once we take the cribs apart.

We don't even know if this thing is gonna fit through the bedroom door.

Of course it will.

But if it makes you happy, I will measure again.

Hmm.

Hmm? See? You always record over my programs Whoa! Gah! Aah! - Oh! - Ow! Okay, no, how about this? We all band together to form one big man to go get the food.

- No! - How's that supposed to work? Okay, back to back, um, and and then link arms.

- Okay.

- Turn around, give me your arm.

See, look? Like this, all right? - Do we look big and scary? - Well, I think so.

Let's move towards the door.

Okay.

Nice and easy.

We're just one big man out for a walk in the woods.

Scatter! Aah! We made it.

Oh! Wait! Where's Mitchell? He didn't make it! One of you two need to go get him! I'm better staying here as a bear decoy.

I give off a natural musk.

Birds land on me all the time.

Squirrels eat out of my hand.

Well, I can't go! Lily needs at least one living parent! Wait! How do we know it's not the bear? It's me! You just left me! Oh, you weren't out there that long.

You didn't get the food?! I almost was food! Okay, I-I wish I never even came on this stupid trip! Well, who forced you? Gloria! It's my delivery ankle.

It's really bad, dudes.

It was already weak from your paintball injury, Carl.

I told you to get it checked out, but you and doctors.

Okay, fine, I know him a little.

When it rains, it pours, huh? - Margaret-Anne left me this morning.

- Aw! Then my dad called me "Craig" on the phone again.

That's the name of his new son.

Oh, God.

Carl, can we at least drive you home? Not now.

I have 10 pizzas going to my enemies, the Sigmas.

Those rich kids get their kicks taking advantage of our "30 Minutes or it's Free" policy use every trick in the book to slow me down.