2. Kiss And Tell (第10季)【完整台词】

One, two, three! CLAIRE: Hey, guys! We're here! Welcome! Pool's cool, snacks in the kitchen, I've had some rosé, so fun Mitchell is in the house.

Showing quite a bit of leg.

- This is very - World-cuppy? Ah.

JAY: There they are! My adult children still sponging off me - after nearly five decades.

- Love it.

Sorry, thought I'd bend that into a joke, but it stayed real.

- Hi, kids! - Hey, Grandpa.

- [CHUCKLES] - CAMERON: Come on, Lily.

Come on.

- Hey, Phil.

- Hm.

- [CHILD SHOUTS] - What's up his can? I don't know.

Not easy being a white man these days.

You feel me.

So, I got Dad and Gloria's anniversary present.

You guys both owe me 40 bucks.

Wait.

It's their anniversary? I-I thought it was Gloria's birthday.

Oh, it can't be Gloria's birthday.

She gets mad even if you mention it.

I once asked when it was, and she left a dismembered Bratz doll in my purse.

- Ohh.

Ohh.

- Huh.

Then why are we here? You know what? I'm gonna go check what the cake says.

Oh, I'll have a glass of "cake," too.

- Okay.

- [CHUCKLES] Quick, before she comes back, I need some relationship advice, and this is kind of in a gray area ethically.

Oh, and it's okay to ask us because, as gays, we wouldn't dare judge anyone while living such a deviant lifestyle? Even the most beautiful version of our love is a mortal stain compared to the worst thing you could do? Maybe I should talk to somebody else.

- No, tell us! - No! Spill, girl, spill! Okay, so just between us, you know I'm with Arvin and he's working in Switzerland.

Well, I did something bad.

I kissed Dylan.

- [GASPS] - Whoa! Whoa, Dylan's still around? I-I thought he joined a cult or something.

I heard he ate Mentos and a Coke and exploded.

I don't know why I did it.

It meant nothing, but I feel horrible, and Arvin keeps calling, but I'm not picking up because, like Do I have to tell him? Uh, uh, honey, these things happen in every relationship.

You absolutely do not need to tell your partner everything.

Okay, well, that's a fun thing to hear your husband say.

Oh, please, do not turn this into something.

Well, I was going to say, yes, you need to tell Arvin because you want your relationship based on truth, which, apparently, mine is not.

Ugh, this sucks! I don't know what to do.

I was counting on you two to be on the same page.

- Well, we usually are.

- When have you ever seen that? What are you hens cackling about? Oh, just asking how they are.

[CHUCKLES] - Gonna jump in the pool.

- [CHUCKLING] Okay, see you.

Haley doesn't care how people are.

- What's going on? - It's nothing.

She was just asking for some advice.

Why wouldn't she come to me? I thought we were finally becoming friends.

Well, you know, think about it, Claire.

All the secrets that you kept from your mom.

Yeah, but my mom was an uptight, crazy person.

[SCOFFS] Let's just slowly back away as that settles in.

Hey, buddy! Ready for the best thing to happen to your mouth since I'm gonna bail on that.

I took off without a place to land.

- How about a Mint "Jay-lep"? - I'll pass, seeing as I'm not a hundred-year-old Southern lady.

[LAUGHS] PHIL: I finally saw the movie "Mean Girls.

" I know.

I'm a middle-aged man.

How'd I wait so long? The point is, I realized I have a mean girl in my life Jay.

Like last week at this wedding, I'm rocking my moonwalk, and Jay yells, "Hey, look, it's Michael Jerkson.

" Enough's enough.

How do you get a mean girl to stop being a mean girl? Be mean girlier.

No, no, no, no, you're gonna love it.

Mint Jay-leps are all the rage.

Oh, you keep saying "Jay-leps.

" Yeah, well I made juleps, and and and my name's Jay, so I call them "Jay-leps.

" No, I get it.

It's just a fun thing.

Ooh, are these the Mint Jay-leps we've been hearing about? - Yeah.

- Oh, Jay-leps.

- Adorbs.

- They are adorbs.

Why do I doubt myself? Mmm.

Manny! How was the road trip? Uh, what can I say? Six weeks, 33 states, a lot of fake scrotums on the back of pickup trucks.

And he met a very nice girlfriend, and he's in love.

- Ohh! - Let's see a pic.

Wish I could.

I-I went old-school and used a film camera, and the one roll I took of her fell into the Grand Canyon.

You don't have a single photo of her? Uh, well, just this blurry one on my phone.

Oh, let's see.

- Oh.

- Look at her.

- [CHUCKLES] - Yeah, you can't really make her out, but it captures her wild spirit.

- Yes.

- [CHUCKLES] - Is it me, or is Manny dating Bigfoot? - [LAUGHS] Yeah.

Let me tell you the difference between Manny's girlfriend and Bigfoot.

Bigfoot could be real.

She's not a fake girlfriend.

You want to hear the kicker? She's from Canada.

- Oh, no.

- Oh, yikes.

- Oh, stop it! - Back me up, boys.

You know what, Gloria? Canada is good for a lot of things, but their number-one export is fake girlfriends.

Yeah, it's kind of a thing.

Uh, before Cam and I came out, we each had Canadian girlfriends.

So, what are you saying now? That Manny's gay? We weren't, but he does check a few of the boxes.

Come on.

Look at him.