21. Commencement (第10季)【完整台词】

1 - [Goat bleats] - Auctioneer: 72, 72, $72! $72, 72 bid, 72 bid, - 75, 75, 75! - Oh, boy.

Is it already the first day of livestock auction season again? It's the same day every year, Mitchell a fortnight after the first ripe tomato comes in.

And seriously? This is what passes for auction-calling these days? Is it possible you're being a tad harsh? You know, when you've been at the top of your field Greater Bug County Auction-Calling Champ three years running it's hard to see anything but the inadequacies.

It's why Baryshnikov couldn't watch others dance.

What? He was the Artistic Director of How long have you lived in this house?! It's gonna wind up being some pig named Baryshnikov or some damn thing.

So, how was your trumpet lesson? It was amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, these sessions just have really changed my life.

Technically, uh, not a lie.

Uh, I started taking trumpet lessons two years ago.

But then I noticed the place next door was offering massages for the same price, so you know.

And I felt bad relaxing while Cam was solo-parenting Lily.

But But we were both spending time with an Asian woman who walked all over us.

You always smell like lavender when you come back from that place.

Uh, yeah, it's the it's the valve oil for the, um you know, - the t the tooting buttons.

- Oh.

We should probably, uh, hit the road soon.

- High school graduation's in an hour.

- [Groans] It's so humiliating being the Vice Principal at these things.

It's just a ceremonial position where you have to sit behind Principal Brown, politely clapping while he gets to set the course of history.

Well, it could be fun with my dad giving the commencement address, though.

I got a peek at his note cards, and I don't want to give anything away, but the young kid who boarded the bus with the hair full of Brylcreem and a cardboard suitcase full of dreams it was him.

[Cellphone ringing] Oh, I have to take this.

It's Superintendent Pierce.

[Cellphone beeps] Hello, good sir.

To what do I owe this honor? Oh, no.

That's horrible.

Principal Brown got into a car accident! W-Which means, as next in the line of succession, I get to preside over today's graduation.

You know, this is why senior administration officials never travel together.

[Humming] Your glee at another man's misfortune should trouble me, but there's also something sort of sexy about it.

- Well, power is an aphrodisiac.

- Oh.

Maybe later you could be the principal and I could be the student who's a few credits short.

- Hmm.

- A bad, bad boy who needs to be taught right from wrong.

'Cause I grew up in a broken home, where social workers and constant fights about money were just Okay, well, now I'm just sad.

Together: Yah! Yah! [Clears throat] Can we switch seats? I'm right under a vent.

This is not good for my instrument.

Oh, so nice that you're taking this speech so seriously.

When you did Mitch and Cam's wedding toast, you had your mouth full of cashews.

Together: Yah! Yah! Yah! Hey, pay attention to your brother.

You got him into karate.

Not on purpose.

I just showed him a few "Pink Panther" movies.

Joe? Joe? I-I-I don't want to play this Inspector Clouseau and Cato game anymore.

It's not that I'm scared.

It's just, I-I'm a little busy - Aah! - Aah! He's a little psycho.

Which we must never show him, by the way.

And sorry if I'm distracted.

It's cut day at CalArts.

Half of the class isn't being asked back.

Manny, my mother's intuition tells me that you have nothing to worry about.

It's just so cruel.

I'm halfway to a playwriting degree and a minor in mask-making and they're just gonna throw me out on the street with no way to support myself? As a wise man will say in about two hours "Be grateful for the rocks life rolls in your path, for one day, you'll see them as stepping stones.

" I had that in my "maybe" pile.

Trust yourself, Jay.

[Cellphone chimes, buzzes] Oh, God.

It's an e-mail from school.

I don't think I can read this in front of people.

Kids: Yah! Gloria: Let's go, Joe! Ay! [Applause] Ay! [Groans] [Sighs] I did it! I did it! [Laughing] Yes! Did my mom bribe Sensei Ron? [Cheers and applause] I knew you could do it, Joe! My mother's intuition told me that you had nothing to worry about.

And if she bribed Sensei Ron, who else did she bribe? Did I even deserve this? Phil: Do you remember when grocery shopping was boring? I really don't.

[Wheels rattling] As a parent, you don't get a lot of good, clean, guilt-free victories.

That's why it's hard not to feel pretty damn good about ourselves today.

Because this afternoon, we are going to watch our daughter Alex graduate With honors! from the world-renowned Caltech.

When the Caltech Beavers face you at sports Prepare to relinquish the ba-a-all Their best minds weren't focused on the fight song.

Yeah.

I just can't stop smiling at this picture of Alex in her cap and gown.

It's so surreal that one of our kids could do something so amazing.

I love you both.

So, you two, grab champagne and flowers for Alex.

We'll, uh We'll get some cigars to give to Jay.

Yeah.

[Sighs] Oh, my God.

It's Skip Woosnam.

Have you seen him since he fired you? Once, at a listing.

I tried to pretend I was a 3D cutout of myself to avoid talking to him.

But you know what? Today I want to talk to him.

I think I'll let ol' Skip know I have a daughter graduating from Caltech.

No, honey, we are not the kind of parents who make ourselves look good by bragging about our kids.

Then why did we even have them, Claire? - [Sighs] - Are we really not gonna crow about it when one of our kids finally does something we can be proud of? I love you both very much.

I'm comfortable being the hot one.

Another record month? [Laughing] Well, thank you! You're the greatest butler on Earth.

Ohp! I gotta run.

- Phil? - Skip! You son of a gun.

How the hell are you? Great, great.

Business is better than ever.

How about you? Did you, uh, finally get real cutouts? I don't know what you're talking about.

Mine are so realistic and 3D, you must have been laughing at one of them like an idiot.

How crazy is it we ran into each other shopping, huh? Say, how are your kids? Terrific.

Yeah.

June just, uh, took a job at the Container Store.

Impressive.

I have a kid that's interested in space, as well.

- Considering a job at, uh at NASA, actually.

- Oh.

Yeah, he, uh, looks like he's got the right stuff.

[Laughs] No, I it's I was talking about my daughter.

- Oh.

- Hey, Dad.

[Chuckles] Dad, guess what.