11. Slow Down Your Neighbors (第2季)【完整台词】

- Good night, sweet pea.

- Good night, honey.

- Mitchell, there's a stranger in our hot tub.

- Who is it? You do know what "stranger" means, don't you? Oh, my G Oh, my God! How long has he been there? I saw him exactly one second before you.

You know everything I know.

- Okay, I'm calling 911.

- I'm getting my bat.

Maybe we're overreacting.

- He could have a very good reason.

- We should at least say hello.

- It's only polite.

- Okay.

Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey .

So I looked that coyote dead in the eye and I let him know, without saying a word "I will not harm you but I'm the alpha here.

" And he just stared back at me, mesmerized.

- Whoa.

- Yeah.

Amazing.

Turns out Barry just moved into the apartment upstairs and thought the hot tub was for the whole building.

Anyway, he's a super cool guy and he's straight, so there's no weirdness.

Aside from you turning into a 16-year-old girl.

- I did not.

- Yeah.

- Cameron, give me your arm.

- Okay.

- What you doing? - Oh, I'm studying to be a Reiki master.

What I'm doing is I'm transferring my positive energy into Cameron - and I'm taking out all the negative energy.

- Okay.

- Do you feel that? - I do.

- Does it feel warm? - It does.

It feels warm, Mitchell.

Imagine that, in a hot tub.

What are you gonna do when he drives by? I'm gonna tell him to slow down.

I think you should drag him out of his car and we all get turns punching him in the stomach until he barfs.

Honey, I think I'm just gonna turn over his license plate to the police.

Please.

Order a pizza and call the cops.

We'll see who gets here first.

Ever since they put those speed bumps on Oakmont some lunatic driver in a crazy sports car has been racing down our street, and it is dangerous.

We've got kids here and babies in strollers and moms who like to jog.

She has to run every day or she goes crazy.

She's like a border collie.

You're comparing me to a dog? The smartest dogs in the world.

- What are you guys doing? - What the cops won't.

We are catching that speeder.

And when we do, he's gonna get an earful of this.

Slow down, jerk! - Okay.

Easy.

- Oh, my God.

Mom, what are you doing? - Why are you being such a freak? - I am being a freak for safety.

And I'm doing this for you because I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

Well, it's embarrassing.

Mom, you need a life.

Why can't you just volunteer at the museum or bring pudding to old people? Honey, if anybody's being embarrassing right now, it's you.

Luke, I am your father.

That takes me back to the delivery room.

That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts.

Oh, my God, Dad! Oh, my God.

I know those girls.

What, are you ashamed of us? - Yes! - Sweet Valley High! - This is that woman from the house on Seventh Street.

- Ooh, good.

If I sell it by the end of next month I dethrone Gil Thorpe as salesman of the quarter.

- That's awesome, Dad.

- It is awesome.

- Phil Dunphy.

Yeah.

- That's it.

That's the speeder.

Slow down, jerk! Slow down! - Yeah, that's great.

Okay, fire away.

- 2-U-R-N-8-0 - Yeah.

What's the address? - 2-U-R-N-8-0-1.

- Yeah.

Okay, 1-0 - A pen.

- I gave it to Dad.

- Okay, 101 North - 2-U-R Oh, God.

- Seventh Street.

Okay.

10-4.

This is gonna be my best year since 2006.

Let's go, kid.

Back to the salt mine.

- That's okay, Jay.

I'm biking to school today.

- Good for you.

There's a bunch of cool kids who ride their bikes every day.

Thought I'd join them.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What the hell is that? - My new bike.

Mom got it for me yesterday.

Pretty sweet, huh? - It's got training wheels.

- Nice ones.

Custom-made.

- They don't usually come on bikes this size.

- Gloria! - What's wrong? - You don't know how to ride a bike? - I know how to ride this bike.

- Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.

- Ay.

What happened? Did he fall? - How could he fall? You can't send him to school on a bike with training wheels.

They'll make fun of him.

Didn't you teach him how to ride a bike? How could I? I don't know how to ride a bike.