13. Caught in the Act (第2季)【完整台词】

Come on! Let's go.

We're gonna need a little extra time at airport security 'cause I'm pretty sure they're gonna want to pat you down.

Manny's with his father for the weekend so Jay and I are flying to Vegas.

I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck.

I just need to send this e-mail to Claire why I'm not working on the bake sale next week - but I can't say the real reason.

- Why not? Because she drive me crazy when she's in charge of these things.

- We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here.

- Okay.

You tell me what you wanna say to her, and I'll help you find a nice way to say it.

I want to say "I can't work on the bake sale because you're a bossy control freak that looks down on my cupcakes, even though your lemon squares were very dry.

" There.

Okay? How's this? "Dear Claire, I can't work the bake sale because you're a bossy control freak who look down" Very funny, Jay.

Ay.

Ay.

Why the whoosh? Where did Where is the e-mail? It sended! - ¡Ay! Make it come back.

- I don't know how to make it come back.

Now she's gonna read it and she's gonna think it's from me! Well, technically, it was from you.

But come on.

Let's hit the road.

It sended! Please come back.

Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey .

We love our neighborhood.

But sometimes the last thing you wanna do after fighting traffic is get back in the car to go out to eat and the only restaurant within walking distance is Shawarma City.

Two shawarma combo.

Meat or chicken? - One meat, one chicken.

- And can you make the chicken all white meat? - Number 32.

Pay cashier.

- That's not an answer.

Then, a miracle happened.

The hottest new restaurant in the city opened up two blocks away.

- Amelia's.

- But there was a problem.

- They can take us at 5:15.

- What are we, 80? - Or 10:45.

- What are we, 20? Then, miracle number two.

Turns out one of the mothers at Lily's preschool is none other than Amelia herself.

So we arranged a playdate with her son Jackson where we would, you know, charm Amelia.

Okay.

The most important playdate ever.

So I'm really gonna need you to sparkle, sweetie.

Oh, I'm gonna sparkle like it's the Fourth of July.

- I was talking to Lily.

- Hmm? It's our parents' anniversary, so we're surprising them with breakfast in bed.

They're impossible to buy for.

We think.

We've never really tried.

Okay, ready? One, two, three.

Surprise No! Oh! - No! - No! - I'm sorry! - Nothing's happening! Oh, my God! Yeah.

Our kids walked in on us.

We were, as they say, having sex.

That's not a euphemism, Phil.

It's exactly what we were doing.

Having sex in front of our children.

- Well, they weren't there when we started.

- No.

In fact, you weren't even there when we started.

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - It's okay.

- Maybe they didn't see anything.

- Sweetie, they screamed.

They dropped a tray of dishes and they ran out of here like they were on fire.

You were on fire, lady.

Really? You're still going? Forgive me for thinking your zesty performance deserves some praise.

Phil, our children are downstairs right now, and they're probably traumatized.

Oh, come on.

I'm sure it's not that bad.

I can still see it! I can't believe that just happened.

- What were they doing? - Nothing.

Whatever it was, it looked like Dad was winning.

"It"! They were doing "it"! - He has no idea what you're talking about.

- Sex? Yes! I know what sex is, Alex.

It's when a man and a woman take off their underpants and then get into the bed.

Stop talking! - Try Claire again.

- I'm not getting a signal.

Relax.

We'll get her.

Shorty told me about this restaurant in Vegas.

It's got a three-story wine tower right in the middle of it.

Guy who gets your wine flies around on a wire.

- Like the Peter Pan? - No.

Not like "the Peter Pan.

" This is a high-end place.

Oh, yeah, because all the finest restaurants in the world have people flying around on wires.

You know, you used to go bananas when the Japanese guy flipped a shrimp onto your plate.

- Now look at you.

- Try her again! Fine.

And just so you know, it's not like Peter Pan.

I mean, nobody wears tights or anything.

Well, if they're not wearing anything, I don't want them flying over my food.

Hello? Phil, it's me.

Can I talk to Claire? Yeah.

One second, Jay.

- It's your dad.

- No, no.

Can't.

Uh-uh.

She doesn't want to talk right now.

- Ay, no.

- Why not? Uh, she's a little too upset.

Phil, put her on.

- He says he wants you - Hang up the phone.