15. Princess Party (第2季)【完整台词】

It's so unfair! You told me I could go! I told you you could go if you got a "B" on your history exam, which you didn't.

I have a learning disability.

The letters jump around on the page and appear backwards.

Honey, we had you tested, like, six times.

Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia.

Oh, my God! Why can't you ever let me have any f Ew, ew! Dad, gross.

Your hand smells like cheese.

I didn't want to dirty a knife.

Sit.

Now we all know when Nana Dede comes to visit your mom can get a little - Psycho? - Scary.

- Drunk? - All true.

Therefore, I need you guys to be on your best behavior.

Don't worry.

I'll keep to myself.

I have to practice for my cello recital.

Oh, fine.

You know what? If it keeps you out of your mom's hair, yes, do that.

Luke, if your mom starts to lose it, I need you to lighten the mood by being extra cute.

No problem.

I've got some stuff prepared.

"Hey, Mom, I'm 'firsty'.

" Huh? Adorable, right? Yeah, that's that's good.

Don't worry.

It works better in my jammies.

Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Cam, Monica can't come to Lily's birthday party this weekend.

Her mom's gonna be in Chicago.

Oh, that's fantastic! What part is she playing? The city of Chicago.

Oh.

Okay, gun to your head.

- Okay.

- Which pair should I wear? Oh, gun to my head, I'd say pull the trigger.

- What's that supposed to mean? - No Fizbo.

- But why? - Cam Cam, the center of attention at Lily's party should be Lily, not Fizbo the needy clown.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Needy? "Why aren't they laughing, Mitchell? Why aren't they clapping when I'm pulling the handkerchief out of my mouth?" It's 10 feet long with boxer shorts at the end.

It works on so many levels.

Yeah.

Well, also it's a princess theme party.

So, I guess you just don't respect party themes.

You did not just say that.

- I'm sorry.

That was That was crossing a line.

- Yes, it was.

So, can Fizbo come to the party? No, no.

You are Lily's dad.

Just be there as her dad.

Are you implying I'm not being a good dad now? Well, if the shoe fits They don't.

They're comically large.

Hey, Mom, Dad and Nana just pulled in.

- ## - Oh, wow.

Claire Bear.

Oh, my sweet girl.

- Gosh.

I forget that you're all grown up.

- Yeah.

You know, in my mind, you're still 12.

But look at us.

Just two old ladies.

Ohh.

- We're home.

- Oh, good.

And we bought Lily a beautiful birthday gift.

Yeah, I was pushing for a cashmere throw.

Look, Jay, it's a talking storybook.

We'll record ourselves reading it and then at night Lily can hear our voices before she goes to sleep.

- Terrible idea.

- Unlike the timelessness of cashmere.

Enough with the cashmere.

Why is it a terrible idea? Don't you remember the answering machine message? - Hi, you've reached Jay - And Gloria.

Please leave a message after the - You didn't say "beep.

" - If I say beep, then the people will think it's the beep.

No, I think they're gonna know to wait for the actual beep.

- I don't think they'll know.

- Just trust me.

Okay, fine.

- Hi, you've reached Jay - And Gloria.

Please leave a message after the "beeeeeep.

" - What was that? - You told me to make the beep.

No, I didn't tell you to make the beep.

I told you to say the word "beep.

" If I say the word, then people think it's the beep.

- It's not the beep! - Then why even say it? So, anyways, you'll never guess who I saw at the airport.

Mmm, who's that? Robbie Sullivan.

Robbie My Robbie Sullivan from high school? God, I haven't seen him in years.

Decades, really.

I always liked him.

And, as I recall, the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other.

Oh, really, Mom? That's not true.

It is true.

I read it in your diary.

- You read my diary.

- Well, yeah.

I I read it because I wanted to see if you were on drugs.

- It's called parenting, Claire.

- Mm-hmm.

So, Mom, what's going on with Chaz.

Okay, buddy, we're gonna need you on the front lines sooner than expected.

- You ready to be cute? - Please.

Go get 'em.