How many have ordered D VDs and haven't paid? - Claire.
- Uh, yeah.
- I could stop by on my way to school.
- It's really important.
Um Uh, Cheryl, can I call you back? Okay.
Great.
Bye.
Yes, Phil.
What? I was going through your drawer in the bathroom looking for some lip stuff - 'cause my - Lips were dry.
- God, you know me.
- Phil.
Remember the spa certificates we got at the children's hospital auction? - Mm-hmm.
- Well, look at this.
They expire tomorrow.
Oh, well, what are you gonna do? Claire, I don't think you're grasping the magnitude of this package valued at over $250.
- Sweetie - If you don't use 'em then all our money just goes to charity.
Somewhere between dropping off Alex at orchestra and picking up Luke from practice oh, and burning a bunch of D VDs of the talent show I'm gonna what, pop in for a quick salt scrub? I thought Cheryl was doing the D VDs.
She's supposed to, but somehow she's got me doing it.
Here's what you do.
You say, "Cheryl, no can do today.
- Need a little me time.
" - Have you met Cheryl? That'll be my new nickname.
I'll be Claire "Me Time" Dunphy.
It's not worth the headache.
- Just say you're sick.
- Then I'll run into her and it'll be a whole thing.
If that happens, say you were on your way to the pharmacy.
Phil, darling, no.
Not helping.
Fine.
I'll give them to Florence Gunderman at work.
Her hands are gross ever since she took up the banjo.
Hey, Mom, I need some money for lunch.
We're all gonna go Oh, my God! Take off my sweater! Mom, tell her to take it off! Alex, take it off.
- Last week she wore my sweatshirt without asking.
- That is true.
Oh, please, that was an honor for your stupid old sweatshirt.
It was the first time the top half got any exercise.
Now, Mom, that's my favorite sweater.
I just got it.
You know what you girls need to learn to do? You need to learn to share.
Because that's what sisters do.
All right, Haley, nothing's gonna happen to your sweater.
Right, Alex? Hmm? Okay, fine.
Then I will just go put on your favorite nerdy T-shirt the one with the guy from Back to the Future on it.
That's Albert Einstein.
And it is not nerdy.
Well Hi.
- Hey, Daddy.
How was the farmer's market? - Well, it was great.
- But guess what the new spinach is.
- Um, radicchio? - Kale.
- No! I know.
I was just as blown away as you are.
Oh! Well, I guess we're going to have to adopt yay a new attitude towards kale.
Maybe we'll even adopt a new vinaigrette.
Adopt.
Yay! Okay, what's going on here? I'm taking the negative charge out of the word "adopted.
" Yay.
What did Oprah do now? She had a girl on who at 16 found out that she was adopted and felt betrayed and ran away and became a stripper and not the heart-of-gold kind, the by-the-airport kind.
Okay.
All right, go get your gavel, Judge Judy.
No, not at all.
I'm adopting Ah a tolerant attitude toward your flights of lunacy.
Adopting! Yay! Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Alex, come on.
Hurry up.
The later we are, the more Cheryl texts me to do.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
- Tell me again why the violin just wasn't you.
- It's too happy.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Let's see.
It might not be a big deal.
Here we go.
Let's see.
Oh! Okay.
- Is it bad? - No, it's gonna be fine.
You're gonna be okay.
Oh, honey.
- Hey, I forgot my phone.
- Hi.
- What? - Nothing.
I love you.
So weird.
You better not spill anything on that.
Okay, dork? Relax.
Half the 11 th grade's been inside this sweater.
More than anything I want my girls to stop fighting and be close.
I want them to share clothes and do each ether's hair and gossip about boys like I used to do with Mitchell.
Gloria, let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Hey, Jay, have you noticed a spring in my step? Oh, kids say cruel things.
That doesn't mean you'll turn out that way.
No.
We have something in common.
I'm seeing a younger woman.
- How much younger are we talking about? - Thirteen months.
Her name's Chloe.
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