18. Boys' Night (第2季)【完整台词】

- Morning all.

- Good morning, papi.

Hump day.

Am I right, Jay? Your day ends at 2:30.

Can't come fast enough.

Quittin' time.

Am I right, Jay? Let's not make this a thing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is this? - Where's my soft-boiled egg? - I scrambled it.

It's good for you to try new things.

I don't want to try new things.

You can't just spring this on me.

I have bad news, Manny.

This is not the biggest curveball that life is going to throw at you.

Buddy, don't close yourself off from new things.

I ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes? - Thought I didn't like them.

Tried them.

Love them.

- Wow.

Are the movie rights available for that one? Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Dunphy Spring Classic.

Who's gonna do the dishes for the next week? Boys versus girls.

Testosterone versus estrogen.

- Standing up to pee versus the squat - Phil, come on! Swing and a miss.

He's in her head, Luke.

And boys rule and girls drool.

You drool all the time.

Mom had to take you to a specialist.

I'm still growing into my tongue.

Hey, Mom, can I go to the movies with Robin? No, you may not, 'cause you are still grounded.

Then can I be sent to my room? No, 'cause we're having some fun family time.

We're gonna spend this beautiful afternoon outside in the fresh air getting some exercise, okay? Pitch it, Phil.

- Oh, well.

- That's the game.

What do you mean? We just started.

That was our only ball.

So what? The game's over just because you're afraid of stupid Mr.

Kleezak? Yep.

I'm not going over there.

That was fun.

If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a love child he would be afraid of our next door neighbor.

I don't have a mean thing to say about anyone but Mr.

Kleezak is not a nice person.

Easy, honey.

- Hey, Haley.

- Oh, hey, Uncle Mitchell.

Hey, is your mom home? No.

She had to take Alex to the oncologist.

- Oh, my God.

What's wrong? - She needed new glasses.

- Oh.

Did you mean optometrist? - Whatever.

- So, should I give her a message? - Yes, yes.

Could you ask her if she could possibly babysit Lily on Saturday night? We'd really, really appreciate it.

Saturday night we're having dinner with Pepper, Longines and Crispin.

- They're our gay friends.

- I think that was clear.

I've been spending a lot of time with a lot of straight people lately and, darlin', I need a night with my homeys.

You mean homos.

Yeah.

You know what? Maybe you should stay in and babysit.

Yeah, our babysitter bailed, and we're kind of in a bind so I can do it.

I can watch Lily.

I'm really good.

I'm babysitting Luke right now.

Oh, yeah? You want You want to babysit Lily? Oh, that's very sweet, honey.

But you're you're a very popular girl.

I'm sure you have better things to do, so Seriously.

I'm totally free.

Being grounded is so much worse than it was in the olden days.

My friends text and Facebook all the fun stuff they're doing while I'm stuck at home playing Jenga with my dad.

Are you serious? You don't even have to pay me.

I promise I'll take super good care of her.

Okay.

Well, that would be great.

Thank you.

Yes.

Well, we'll see you on Saturday night.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye.

Luke? Luke? What are you thinking? Haley is a very sweet and fashionable girl but seems hardly a responsible caregiver.

You know what? We needed a sitter.

She's family.

I say we give her a shot.

A shot.

Oh, with our only child.

Sure, why not? If something goes wrong, we'll just pop over to the Orient, grab another one.

What? My name is Luke Dunphy.

I live next door.

- What do you want? - I wanna get our ball from your yard.

I don't want you messing around back there.

Just go home.

- Are you going scuba diving? - Hmm? Why do you have that tank? - You being smart? - You mean in school? Well, I do okay.

My teacher says I get distracted.

- Why do you have that tube in your nose? - For fun.

Really? Can I try? - It's oxygen.

- We have that in our house, but we don't need tanks.

Oh, for God's sake.

Just get your ball.

Okay.

Oh, my God.