21. Mother's Day (第2季)【完整台词】

Okay.

Okay, here she comes.

Happy Mother's Day! Aah! - What are you wearing? - You don't remember this shirt? You made it for me for Mother's Day in kindergarten.

It's adorable.

It's perverted.

It looks like you were felt up by the creepy guy around the corner.

- Ew! Why him? - Because he's got freakishly tiny hands.

- Thank you.

- I cannot believe you kept that shirt.

Of course I kept it.

I'm your mother.

I keep everything you make me.

- Please take that off.

- Oh, when I'm dead.

Today is my special day, and I am gonna enjoy me some coffee.

You know that's a pencil holder, right? I do now.

- Go first.

- No, you can go first.

- Manny, go first.

- No, Jay, you go first.

Somebody give me a present.

Oh, Jay! A diamond necklace.

Thank you.

You deserve it.

Go ahead, kid.

- Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

- Ah! A necklace made of the Froot Loops.

I love it.

I know they're not exactly diamonds, Mom.

No, they're beautiful.

You know what? I got a confession to make.

Those aren't real diamonds.

No.

Give them back.

I'll get you some real ones later.

Dang it.

Now I got to come clean.

Those aren't real Froot Loops.

They're generic.

I Now I have no presents again.

Good morning! Hey! Hey, what's this? Well, I know you've had some late nights with Lily and this is just my way of saying thank you and I love you.

Oh! Thank you.

And this is just the beginning.

Today is your day.

- Today? - Yeah.

All day.

Today? Today's my day? - Something's happening.

- It's Mother's Day, Mitchell.

So? You're bringing me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day.

This is not a Mother's Day breakfast.

This is a breakfast that happens to be You think of me as Lily's mother.

- I'm your wife.

I'm a woman.

- What? Honestly, I'm a little offended that he accused me of that.

I'm actually very sensitive to that issue.

Like I would ever treat my partner as a woman.

I Somebody got new curtains.

Well, Mrs.

Pritchett loves to shop.

Oh! We're never gonna be done by 6:00.

I better call home.

The wife's not gonna like this.

Sometimes I think he just wants to be mad at me.

- I can't eat.

- Okay, you know what? If you can't accept the nice gesture, then just forget it.

Okay, scratch the balloons.

She is in a mood.

Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey I asked Claire what she wanted for Mother's Day and she said, "Take a hike.

" It's not like that.

She's just bananas for walking around in nature.

So she and Gloria are taking the kids up the canyon and Jay and I are throwing on the aprons and preparing a Mother's Day feast.

It's It's gonna be fun.

## I know you wanna leave me But I refuse to - ## - We're not doing that.

There are coyotes in these woods.

- Did you pack a weapon? - I have a walking stick.

- Does it become a sword? - I guess it can become a running stick.

You're gonna outrun a coyote? The fastest mammal in the world.

I'm not sure that's true.

And how are you gonna fend 'em off with a Popsicle stick? It's a spear, and it smells like lemon lime a flavor coyotes hate.

- Where are you getting your information? - How much farther? I'd like to go far enough that we can't still see our car in the parking lot.

I'm getting dust in my mouth.

- You have to appreciate nature.

- Yes.

Soon this will be the mall.

- I'll come then.

- I'm hungry.

I say we eat what we kill.

Oh, then I guess we'll be eating the mood.

I don't get you at all.

I know.

Oh, is that the party over there? I don't know.

I'm a woman, remember? I have a terrible sense of direction.

May I remind you that my big crime was making you fluffy pancakes.

I'm getting a little sick of you dwelling on this.

It happens to be Mother's Day, not Martyr's Day.

Mitchell, I'm sorry.

- It's just a sensitive issue for me.

- Okay.

- There's nothing gays hate more than when people - Treat us like women.

We're not.