14. Me? Jealous? (第3季)【完整台词】

Oh, I hope Tad likes salmon.

It's a bit of a risk serving fish to a first-time diner at Dunphy's.

Maybe I should marinate a steak for backup.

I think someone has a man crush.

First of all, I would never date a potential client.

That's "first of all"? Secondly, I really need this to go well so he makes me his realtor.

This guy's flipping properties like they're extras in a kung fu movie.

So you're just kissing up to this guy for his money? Not just.

I really like him.

He travels the world doing charity work, rock climbs, flies planes How does he have time to do all that? Got divorced, and his whole life opened up.

Guy's living the dream.

His dream.

Not my dream.

I'm living my dream.

You're my dream.

You can stop.

I so don't want to do this.

Recently, Haley got a little creative on one of her college applications and listed herself as a "big sister.

" Technically, I am a big sister.

She capitalized the "b" and the "s.

" Which makes sense, 'cause it was.

So Claire and I suggested-- Forced.

That she volunteer for the organization.

We couldn't be prouder.

We could.

Little bit.

Hey, dad? Did you accidentally leave this hilarious book of lawyer jokes in the guest room? I'll tell you if you can answer the following question-- What's the difference between - a catfish and a lawyer? - I don't know.

What? Well, one's a bottom-feeding mud-dweller.

Honk! Okay, everyone, dinner is served! Let's get it! Our house is being fumigated, so Jay and Gloria invited us to stay here for a few days.

I am very excited to have We don't get to spend much time together, so I know that we're gonna be like, um Fred and Ginger? Who? Movie night! It's nosier than usual around here.

Oh, gosh! Tad, this wine is fantastic.

Spend a week in Mendoza, and you'll find a dozen or so malbec producers that'll give most Bordeaux a real run for their money.

- Mm.

- I'm sorry.

This should come with a warning-- "may cause pretentiousness.

" You should come with a warning-- "may be fascinating.

" - Oh! Excuse me.

- Ohoh, gosh! - Oh.

Ow.

- Oh, that's, like, the ninth time this screw has popped out.

Oh, you know what? I need the angled screwdriver.

- I left it at the office.

- Mm.

I, um, I keep it there because of--of all my signs.

I'll, uh, put up a "for sale" sign, and next day, of course, - I gotta put up the "sold" banner.

- Yeah.

Then the next day, same deal--"for sale - "sold.

" - Mm-hmm.

"For sale.

" "Sold.

" "For sale.

" "Sold.

" You're a great-- great salesman.

- I'm getting that.

- "For sale.

" "Sold.

" Right.

Listen, I-I-I gotta go relieve the babysitter.

My ex-wife took 50% of my stuff and left me 100% of my kids.

- They're great.

- Hey, listen, um, - thank you so much for coming.

- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, thank you, Phil, so much for the salmon and the steak - and the chicken and the shrimp.

- Oh I mean, it was all just delicious.

- Oh, great.

- This guy is very lucky to have you.

Okay.

Thanks.

Yeah.

All right.

- Let me grab that.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks so much.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Did you see that? A handshake that almost became a hug? Yeah, I saw it.

I lived it.

I think I'm in.

No, honey.

He kissed me on the lips.

- Another good sign! - It's not a good sign.

Sweetie, you don't think that's weird? Well, the guy's a world traveler.

He has a time share in Costa Rica.

That's probably how they do it there.

I don't know, honey.

It felt like he lingered.

It's a progressive culture.

Most of them travel by zip line.

Biscuits and gravy? Yep, my grandma Bitsy's secret recipe, given to her by her housekeeper Delilah, who raised her and was her best friend-- kind of like "The Help," except Delilah was white, and was actually herself quite the racist.

Eat up.

Good morning! - Hi, mom.

- Hi, sweetheart.

Ah, where did those come from? Yeah, I thought amaryllis were out of season.

Oh, I got a guy.

You know, I just thought they'd brighten up the house a little bit.

Oh, that was so thoughtful of you.

I didn't realize that my house needed brightening up.

There she is! Gloria! Gloria! Ay! Let me fix your hair! Oh.

Well, isn't that sweet? I didn't realize her hair was broken.