18. The Wow Factor (第4季)【完整台词】

So we're gonna change that one.

I'm back.

Okay, let me see, let me see, let me see! You guys are want to, um Oh, my God! I love it! All clear.

Okay, so-- So good! It is so good! For the last few months, Cam and I have been redoing a house together that we're gonna flip, and I have to say, it has been goin' great! We make an amazing team.

- Yeah.

The key is trust.

- Absolutely.

The key is, I let Claire think she's in charge.

I hide what I want in something bigger and more expensive.

Then when she rejects that, we "compromise" on what I wanted all along.

I call my method "the Trojan horse.

" You know how I got Lily? I asked Mitchell for triplets.

- Okay.

- Uh-huh? You are going to love what I found for the kitchen countertops.

It's from Carrarra, Italy.

It's where Michelangelo got the marble to make the "David.

" Oh.

Now we know why the "David" couldn't afford any clothes.

Okay, well, uh I also found this one.

It's not as nice, but it's less expensive.

Well, it's still over budget, but I guess it's okay.

- Mm.

- Yeah.

By the way, we couldn't get the powder room fixtures you wanted.

What? Why? Well, they're 23%, or $982, over the budget.

Keeping in mind, that space is only 12% of 1,462 square feet.

Whenever I need to rein in Cam's spending, I employ something that I like to call "the number dump.

" So unless you wanna cut 16%, or $1,764 from somewhere in the flooring budget, we've gotta find another 4% overall.

Yeah.

No, as long as they're pretty, it's fine.

It's fine.

Yesterday, I accidentally said "eleventy-five.

" So everybody knows how hard I worked on that project.

I mean-- Hey, wait.

What are you doing? Trying to put the sugar back in the thing.

Well, just go get the broom.

I'll eat it for a dollar.

What did I say about eating things for money? Charge the most.

Then people will think you're worth it.

That's right.

That's at least $5.

- Hey, he said a dollar.

- Broom.

Hey, dad, I can't find my scarf, and the closet light's burnt out.

- So just change it.

- I can't reach it.

Oh, if only there was some magical way of getting up closer to the ceiling.

Okay, now you just sound like Dylan.

- I'm saying get a step stool.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

One thing at a time, okay? What is happening? I'm sweeping.

No, you're not sweeping.

You're just spreading it all around.

It's gonna cost more if you want me to eat it now.

That's when it hit me-- my daughters know nothing about home care and maintenance.

I don't want 'em to be dependent.

It's up to me to show them what a modern, self-sufficient woman looks like.

Careful.

Keep that up, he'll have to hit "numero dos" when he calls the DMV.

By the time he's old enough to call, it will be "numero uno.

" Ay, there he is.

Manny, why did you have breakfast alone outside? I felt like eating breakfast alfresco.

Does that mean he had his pants off? Because if I can't, he can't.

Jay, he's been eating outside on his own all week.

Do you think that he feels left out because of all the attention I give Joe? You know, I've been wondering the same thing.

Tell you what-- why don't I have some father-son time with Joe this afternoon and give you some time with Manny? Ay, that's so sweet.

You can take Joe to his baby class.

Gloria, I think he already knows how to be a baby.

I love you, but I can't laugh at that again.

Manny, how about I pick you up after school, and we both have a special day? Well, I did talk to Jay about getting some tickets for this reading.

What reading? Seriously? The stage reading of "Moby Dick"? I told you about it last night.

I have zero recollection of this.

I knew I shouldn't have poured you that second scotch.

Sorry, buddy, but I already committed to spending the afternoon with Joe so you and your mom could have more time together.

Hey, maybe she can take you.

- Can we, mom? - Of course, mi amor.

It's your special day.

We'll do whatever you want.

Great.

This is gonna be four hours you'll never forget.

Hey, buddy.

Looks like it's just the dos of us.

Why do I feel that you did something shifty? I have no idea.

But I gotta say, it's not your best quality.

All right, sweetie, you have a good day.

Watch me play handball, daddy.

Oh, okay.

Next! That's Milo.

He beats everybody.

Next loser! - He's mean.

- Yeah, I'm gettin' that.

Next! Another girl? Hey, sweetie? Sweetie? You're gonna do great, okay? If you say so.

Next! Uh, Milo? That-- that was my fault.

I distracted her, so maybe she could just go again? No do-overs.

Next! Well, I'm next, and I would like to give her my turn.

No switcheroos.

Are you playing or not? - No.

- Chicken.

Next.

I hate bullies.