6. Yard Sale (第4季)【完整台词】

Jay, should I get rid of this? The hat, the jacket, or the cane? Actually, yes.

Just yes.

We're having a yard sale for our social studies class to raise money for UNICEF.

The point is for us to learn about global altruism.

No, the point is for us to raise more money than Miss Cooper's class so we get a pizza and a pool party.

Your cynicism makes me sad for our world.

Ease up, Delgado.

I've seen you with a pizza.

Ugh.

I hate garage sales.

Bunch of shady characters going through my stuff.

Why can't I just write a check? Ay, relax, Jay.

It's just a couple of people in the driveway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where it starts.

Then it's, "it's just a local call.

" "Can I use your bathroom?" "My mother needs to lie down.

" No, it just stinks.

He did write a check.

Shh! The less he nows, the better.

You're not even here aymore.

But it's my stuff.

Where's Mom? Luke, take me to Mom.

And move slow.

I'm still drunk ing my coffee.

Mom! What's the problem? Uh, tell Luke not to sell my stuff? Honey, come on.

Give it up.

Even John Mayer doesn't have a John Mayer poster any more.

It's signed by him.

It's time you knew-- they come that way.

But it's "To Haley.

" In a different color.

Your dad wrote that.

Ew! He wrote "My body is a wonderland.

" I didn't catch that till after.

Mom, is it okay if Michael comes to the yard sale? Well, honey, did't you see him last night? So? Why don't you like my boyfriend? I do like him.

I'm just 90% sure he's 100% gay.

Yes, when Michael took me to prom, I questioned his sexuality.

But then we made out.

A couple times.

There was even a little under-the-shirt action.

His chest is very smooth.

Heads up! Coming through! Wow! I am glad you're finally getting rid of that thing.

What? I'm not selling this bad boy.

I was gonna meet you at your dad's and get a little exercise on the way.

What's, uh, what's your beef with my streetstrider? Even I think it's nerdy, and I'm fluent in elvish.

It's not nerdy.

Luke, back me up.

I hope you mean into the garage, because I have friends on this street.

Honey, you finally found something less cool than those pants that zip off into shorts.

My shants, which you have been gunning for since day one.

Does it matter to any of you that this is actually an extremely efficient cardiovascular workout that could prolong my life? Mm, yeah, but what kind of life? And with whom? Remember, everyone, this is for charity.

Every dollar we earn helps a diseased child, a starving child, an abused child.

Now have fun! Speaking of starving children, here's my contribution.

Six pair of jeans that don't fit me any more because I've lost 25 pounds.

That's like one, two, three children's bowling balls.

- Mm, bravo! Hey! - Very nice.

C- Cam? Are--are you really getting rid of all of these? I mean, they're almost new.

It's Well, what if you, um-- Chat if I what, Mitchell? Put the weight back on? No! No.

No, what if you-- you think of some creative art project that requires denim? You know, something farm or Kelly Clarkson-themed? Or I've already down so much with that motif.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what? No, sell 'em! I wanna purge, which, for the record, is not how I lost this weight.

Oh, every time.

Every time he loses weight, he gets rid of his big pants.

And then when he puts the weight back on, he has to buy them all new again.

It's--it's a nightmare.

Just put the jeans in the car while he's in the house.

No, Dad! That's incredibly dis-- I'm gonna do that.

Yeah.

Whoa! Where you think you're going with those? Oh, these aren't for sale.

Hey, this is for charity.

You know you're taking those jeans out of the hands of some needy, giant children.

You know they're not getting the actual jeans, right, Luke? Oh.

Right? Welll then how about a donation? - 20 bucks? - A hundred.

$20? Sure.

What's it to you if some kid gets sick bathing in poo river, Africa? How much for the ashtray? I don't know.

What's the tag say? Well, that's why it's lying on a blanket on my lawn, next to some old corn on the cob handles.

I'll give you 35.

You're wearing a $10,000 watch.

You're haggling over 15 cents? You live in this place, and you can't let that 15 cents go? Fine.

35.

Can you break a 50? Get out.

Manny.

What is this case doing here? I found it in the attic.

Why? What is it? Nothing that concerns you.

It's from Colombia.

- But I thought you said-- - You thought nothing.

It's going back in the attic, and I want no more questions.

Why? That's a question.

Wow.

That was weird.

Too weird.

I wonder what's in there.

Wake up, Delgado.

Locked box, from Colombia, "no more questions"? It's obviously a human head.

Why is that always your first guess? One of these days, I'm gonna be right.

No way! You're selling the Harley? No, I'm just trying to move it out of the way.

Some asshat offered me 100 bucks for it.

But with the baby coming, I guess I am gonna sell it.