9. When a Tree Falls (第4季)【完整台词】

Haley, hurry up.

You're gonna be late.

Alex, what are you doing? I need to document Haley's first day on the chain gang.

It's not a chain gang.

It's community service.

And leave her alone.

She feels bad enough as it is.

Okay, I'm torn.

On one hand, I'm like, "ugh, I have to pick up garbage all day.

" And on the other hand, I'm like, "look at me in orange.

" Aw, that's cute.

Send that to me.

Haley had a little run-in with the law in college.

She was arrested for assaulting a police officer.

Accidentally.

I fell on him.

While evading arrest for underage drinking.

That was on purpose.

They were very lenient with her.

She only has to do community service.

Because I do not have any priors.

Taking a little too much pride in that, sweetheart.

Things can get pretty rough out there.

I couldn't get my hands on any cigarettes.

But I did make you a shiv out of an old knife.

You don't make a shiv out of a knife.

Yeah, you make a shiv out of a rusty spoon or a shard of glass.

Or a human femur.

Exactly.

Be creative.

It's really sweet of you, Luke, but there's just gonna be a bunch of drunk drivers and vandalizers who were stupid enough to get caught.

Or stupid enough to use the word "vandalizers.

" It's vandals.

I'm so alone.

They're gonna eat you alive, suburbia.

Mitchell, we're back.

You are not going to believe this.

Cam, do you remember why I didn't want you to swap out the handles on Lily's dresser? Because you lack a designer's eye and fear change? No.

Because I was afraid two weeks would go by, and we'd still be using a spatula to get at Lily's clothes.

Okay, well, we have bigger issues.

Guess what they are cutting down at the park today? - A tree? - Yes.

How did you know that? I played a hunch.

Not just any tree, Tree-ona Elmsly.

Oh, no.

That's terrible.

That's our picnic tree.

It's a nightmare.

Well, someone's picked up her daddy's gift for hyperbole.

They are literally chainsawing paradise - to put up a parking lot.

- Oh, it's too bad.

We have to do something.

Well, if we knew earlier, we could.

I blame myself.

I've taken on too much.

What exactly have you taken on? Are you kidding me? Teaching music? This dresser handle project? My role in the musical? Oh, that.

You know what? I don't like your tone.

The understudy's the most challenging role in any production.

You have to be ready at a moment's notice to go on and face a disappointed audience who was there to see Kenny van Heffington.

Our insurance guy? He's breathtaking.

- Really? - Yeah, I hate him.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Putting new handles on the dresser.

Right.

The tree.

I have to do something.

I can't live like this.

Manny, while we're young! He doesn't want to go.

That's why he's taking so long with the primping.

A boy his age should do exactly zero primping.

You ready? Not in the least.

That's the spirit.

This kid in my class, Doug Brooks, has a sports-themed birthday party every year.

All boys.

All sports.

All day.

He calls it the Doug-lympics, which might make sense if he did it every four years, or if his name was Al.

Let's just say nothing about it works.

Manny, it's a beautiful day outside.

Go on.

Enjoy your dougy-lympics.

You don't have to win a medal.

Just have fun.

Doug finishes with the most medals no matter what.

Plus I think he only invites me because he likes to match skin color to nation.

I know that's why Alan Yan gets invited.

Okay, we get it.

Sports isn't your thing.

But you gotta step out of your comfort zone sometime.

And for God sake, change out of those wingtips.

You're a kid.

You're not Nixon on the beach.

Fine.

I'll put on my sporty shoes.

Where are they? They're still in the box.

And don't forget to take out the paper before you put them on, okay? And they're called sneakers.

Hello, hello! Hey, Gloria.

So, ready to go? - Where? - Thought we were doing a Costco run.

Oh, I see what this is.

You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady! You're the one who called her.

I did? I called Claire.

Gloria needs watching.