23. The Wedding (1) (第5季)【完整台词】

Good morning, almost husband.

Good morning, almost oh, no! No! - Oh! Oh! - Oh, calm down.

This can't be the first time you've woken up with other men in your bedroom.

Happy wedding day! What are you doing here? You pay for a full-service wedding, you get our full packages.

Ohh.

Close, honey.

So close.

- And we're crossing.

- We're crossing.

- And trays down.

- And trays down.

Napkins.

Relax.

Enjoy.

The car will pick you up at 4:00 to whisk you away to your beautiful hilltop wedding.

How's the weather? I had a dream it rained on everyone.

Dry as a bone.

The only thing it will be raining tonight is men.

- We really need it.

- Mm.

Has anyone heard from Sal? No.

And I will never understand why you asked that boozy us-hag to officiate your wedding.

We didn't exactly ask Sal.

- Sal - Mm-hmm.

We have something very important to talk to you about.

Yeah, we hope that maybe you would be open to the idea Yes! I will totally officiate your wedding! Oh, my drinks! It was supposed to be an intervention.

Hey, best man.

Hello, blushing bride.

I feel like I should hate that more.

Yeah, I think I might go with "best person.

" Anyway, I'm just calling to see how you're doing.

I'm great.

Really? I-I is this about mom again? I told you I'm fine.

My mother can't come to the wedding.

She was at a yoga retreat, and she fell out of a warrior pose, and she broke her hip.

Should we consider the possibility that someone pushed her? Cam, please.

They were a bunch of peace-loving hippies who spent two weeks in the rainforest with my mother.

Of course someone pushed her.

I'm actually relieved she's not coming.

She has given me the gift of a crazy-free wedding.

I know.

I was just a little sad for you.

Mom's a no-show, and you and dad are hardly even speaking.

Enough about dad.

He doesn't get gay weddings, and I don't get track suits as casualwear.

Can we please talk about something happy, like my honeymoon in Mexico? Oh, yeah, you're gonna want to take a look at the weather channel.

Hilarious.

Love you.

Love you, too.

You're gonna get the gift today, right? Don't we have a year to do that? No, I have a husband to do that.

They fell in love with this very specific turquoise Italian glass bowl.

I looked everywhere, finally found one, and we're not going to that wedding without it.

Wait.

I-I thought you were taking me to the eye doctor.

They said I'm not supposed to drive myself home.

No, no, no, no.

I'm picking up Luke from his wilderness trip.

Alex can take you.

That's a bummer.

Aww, dad, I'm touched.

No, not because of you.

I'd just rather pick up Luke.

Than go to the eye doctor.

I-I love spending time with you.

Don't worry you're fun.

Wow.

My dad would never admit this, but when he wants fun he goes straight to Luke.

They have a weird connection.

They're like Batman and Robin.

Dad and I are more like Batman and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Honey, don't be like that.

You're super fun! You sure I can't get Luke? I heard that! Let's do this! Hello.

Hey, mom.

Gloria wants to know if she can do your hair and makeup last after me and Cam's mom.

It's fine.

Something about Luke I've lost interest.

Okay, love you.

Bye! Damn, this is the best cup of coffee I ever had.

Manny roasts his own beans every Friday night.

That kid's gonna be roasting his own beans for a long time, if you know what I mean.

Can I just say thank you again for letting us stay here? You have thanked us enough with that big bag of deer meat.

- Aww.

- Hey, mom.

Can you see this? What pimple? I knew it.

I can't go looking like this.

Weddings are where you meet girls.

Not at this one.

- Well, we better be going.

- Yeah.

Have a great spa day.

Men don't have spa days.

We're just going to the club, taking a steam, having a couple of rubdowns.

Hey.

Do they serve cucumber water at that place? Sometimes they do a strawberry-basil mix.

Ah.

- Merle? - Yes, ma'am? Be back in time for me to do your tie.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

I'm so sorry you had to see that.

See what? The way we just snapped at each other.

Are you joking? Obviously, Merle and I are going through a heck of a rough patch.