4. Farm Strong (第5季)【完整台词】

I remember before we had kids and we could just lie in bed on Saturday.

That's how we got them.

Why did I have to be so sexy? A few months ago, Luke joined a club soccer team and at first we were thrilled.

But then we realised it takes over your whole weekend.

And not in the cool MythBusters marathon way.

Luke sits on the bench a lot.

Which means we sit in the hot sun for like eight hours, just to see him play five minutes.

But what five minutes.

Tell them about last week.

Oh.

Yeah.

Luke stopped a goal with his face.

- Too bad he doesn't remember that.

- Yeah.

What if we sent Luke to the game without us today? - We can't do that.

- Why not? Missing one tournament doesn't make us bad parents.

My mom never went to any of my stuff.

I'm fine.

Why didn't she go to any of your stuff? Because she was an incredibly competitive woman who didn't like to see me do very well at anything, but I think it's pretty clear who won.

I'm working now, you know, and I really need my weekends back to -- to catch up on errands.

I don't know.

It just feels wrong.

Would it feel wrong to use that robot gutter cleaner that's been sitting in the box for the last three weeks? - No, that would feel right -- so right.

- Mm-hmm.

Did I tell you I call it "the gutter done"? You did! I love "gutter done".

It's your sense of humor.

It's so fun.

Okay, stop drilling.

You struck oil.

But only if Luke's a hundred percent cool with it.

Yeah, of course.

I'm on it.

You know, if we're not going, we could stay in bed a little longer.

- No, thank you.

- Okay.

Don't want to have this conversation again in 15 years.

What are you doing with those swatches? She's gonna be here any minute.

I told you to put all this wedding stuff away.

Are these really our top-two choices for color palette? Why are they both white? That's what my friend Keisha asks about you and daddy.

Instead of hiding all this stuff, why don't you just tell Pam we're getting married? I will, when she's ready.

Carefully and preferably in a large, open field.

She's your sister, not The Hulk.

My big sister, Pam, is emotionally fragile and she's still single, so when she finds out I'm getting married before she is -- look out.

She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset.

Because that's when they wake up? Yep.

That's morning time for a barn owl.

- It's her! - Quick! Hide! It's okay, Lily.

Come on.

Oh, take that bow out of her hair.

I don't want to rub our daughter's adorableness in my barren sister's face.

- There she is! - Hey, Pam! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Well, the damn airline lost my trunk.

- Now I'm gonna have to make new clothes.

- Oh, no.

Yep.

I need to squeeze something.

- Get over here, Lily.

- I'm good.

Yeah, well, she's shy.

So, Pam, we've got some big news.

Speaking of big news -- you remember that little ugly girl I used to babysit, Britney Horner? - Yeah.

- Well, she got married last summer, and now she's pregnant with twins.

So, if you're keeping track, that's ugly- 2, me- nothing.

What's your news? Um well We're getting a new dryer.

Well, I'm very happy for y'all.

Thank you.

How come I never get a new dryer? Mom, in all the time you've known grandpa, has he ever used the word "fluxions"? That is not an f-word I have heard him use.

He's beating me in "Words with friends.

" How is that even possible? Shouldn't you be playing "Words with friends" with friends? Grandpa is my friend.

Of course he is.

That's not sad.

What? Morning, buddy.

What's with the pillow? It's for soccer.

My neck gets pretty tired watching all those games.

Right.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Say, listen, your dad and I were just talking about you maybe wanting to go to the game without us today.

- Oh.

- But it's totally up to you.

Whatever you want because we love you very much.

Right.

You can either ride with some of your teammates, like the L.

A.

Kings, or you can ride with us, like Gloria and Grandpa take Joe to play-dates.

Professional athlete, little poopy baby -- - your call.

- I'll get a ride with Max.

- Great! - Are you sure it's okay? Yeah, it's fine.

Hey, can I borrow your sleep mask? - You bet.

- Awesome.

Yes! I love that kid.

Can you imagine how easy it would be if it was just him? - Mm.

- I mean I know what you mean.

You call that folded? Where's that military precision? We didn't fold many onesies in the Navy.

I'm back! What did the doctor say? He said my eyes are perfect.

Where was he looking when he said it? Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses.

The last couple of months, she's been struggling.

I'll take this one.

It looks very good.

That's their address, Magoo.

Did he even give you an eye test? He put the spoon in one eye, the spoon in the other eye, the puff puff, the eye drops.