10. Haley's 21st Birthday (第6季)【完整台词】

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Evening, folks.

- Come on in.

- Hi.

Wait, wait! Hang on, guys! Wait! Don't you need to check I.

D.

s? - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Huh? Sorry, we don't offer a senior discount.

No.

No, it's not for me, and now I really need a drink.

Go on, honey.

Show him your license.

Go on.

- Picture! - Oh? Somebody 21 today? - Yes.

- Yes.

- Military gal.

Welcome, Private Dorchester.

Uh, oops.

That is the wrong one.

I am so very sorry.

- Hold on a second.

- Put that away! Yes, I'm a huge dork for celebrating my 21st with my family, but my mom was crazy excited to go to a bar with me.

Or just to go to a bar.

Aw, it's so nice what you two are doing.

My mother would have never taken me out for a drink.

Why? Was she super strict? No, she would never see me as an adult.

Well, except when the police came to the house.

Then, she would be like, "Gloria, you go talk to them.

"Tell them your father was here last night.

But unbutton your shirt a little bit first.

" Okay, uh, the craziest thing I heard -- and there is some competition there -- is that you think this lady treats me like I'm an adult.

Wait, I-I do treat you like an adult.

You made me change my shirt two times before we left the house and force-fed me a cheese sandwich so I wouldn't get sloppy drunk.

No, that is just one woman offering another woman, uh, fashion tips and advice for casual drinking.

What do you know about fashion? What do you know about casual drinking? Okay, okay.

That's funny.

See, I wouldn't have laughed at that before 'cause you were a kid, but now I'm gonna laugh 'cause it's funny.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Sorry that took so long.

We got trapped by those bridesmaids over there.

- Yeah.

- Hi.

That's what happens when you bring gay guys to a straight club.

We're like catnip to drunken bachelorette party girls.

The problem is, they can get a little bit clingy.

- But don't worry, Haley.

We are here for you tonight.

- Ohh.

- To Haley's first drink, huh? - Salud.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Ooh, it burns.

Thanks again for driving me, Jay.

You've arrived at your destination.

Get it? 'Cause we're in a German car.

I have lived a long, full life.

I will drive us into a wall.

Tonight, while Claire gets things started at the bar, Jay is taking me to pick up Haley's birthday present -- A new car! Phil shopped around, found something very safe and low-maintenance with lots of good reviews.

Till I married her.

I'm joking! You're not low-maintenance! - I doubled down.

- Oh, I heard you.

Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you, you know, maybe hammer out some final details? No.

Deal's already worked out.

I'm just gonna pop my Herbie Hancock on a few forms, and I'll, uh -- I'll meet you at the bar.

Great.

Well, you don't need me.

Leaving Phil with a car salesman is like covering a baby goat in barbecue sauce and dropping it in the middle of the Serengeti.

Well, I-it all seems to check -- Wait a minute.

This can't be right.

Am I allowed to sign this with a red pen? Good catch, Phil.

One quick thing -- if you really want to do something special for your daughter, what do you say we throw in some upgraded wheels? How much would that cost? How much do you spend a day on a cup of coffee? Oh, for god's sakes! - Jay? - Answer the question! A cup of coffee? $3.

50.

- Not you! - What are you doing here? I'm just here to make sure everything's on the up-and-up.

Um, Daryl, this is my father-in-law, Jay Pritchett.

Jay, you don't have to be here.

It's all worked out.

Tell you what, why don't you throw in those upgraded wheels you love so much, lower the drive-off by $500, we call it a deal? I'm sorry, but this is the best I can do.

Come on, Daryl.

We're all businessmen here.

We all know there's wiggle room when we say there's no wiggle room.

So, come on.

Let's see you wiggle.

I can't.

I can't wiggle.

- Jay, I've already wiggled him.

- No, trust me, he can wiggle.

- I really can't.

I -- - Wiggle, Daryl.

Wiggle.

Do you know where babies come from? Lily, I'm studying.

Are you a nerd? No.

Why would you ask me that? It's Friday night, and you're doing homework.

It's my senior year.

Trust me, Lily, there'll be tons of fun Friday nights in my future with artists, dignitaries, other scientists.

I didn't hear "boyfriend.

" You're 0 for 3.