10. Haley's 21st Birthday (第6季)【完整台词】

Aw! That means so much to me right now.

- You know why? - Mnh.

Why? Because I want to get a tattoo tonight, and I was afraid you'd say no.

Ay, how could she say no after everything she just said to you?! How could I say no? Is there a way? Oh, my god, mom, this is the best present ever! Could tonight get any better?! Yes! She can pay for it so you can get a really big one! I'm so excited! Phil, where are you? You have to get down here and stop Haley from getting a tattoo.

What, no, you stop her! I can't.

I made a commitment to being her friend.

Why would you do that? I don't know.

I was trying something.

Just get down here with that car, and we can distract her.

I'd love to, but your dad played hardball and we lost it.

How on earth did you let that happen?! I don't know.

Why don't you ask the Tweety bird on Haley's neck? Oh, god, not the neck.

She's a tough-enough hire as it is.

Okay, um Fine, y-you deal with the car.

I'll deal with the tattoo.

Just get here.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

No, no, no, no.

I'm done listening to you.

I had a great deal.

You know how I know? I called the salesman at the first dealership while you were sneaking your third hot dog, and it already sold.

Fine.

We don't need it.

Here's the plan -- we tell them Haley is really sick.

Oh, my god, you're sick.

Good thinking! I'll be sick 'cause nobody cares about people they can't see.

I researched that car online for weeks, and then you swoop in with your tough-guy swagger to teach me a lesson about buying cars in the '70s! You know, this all happened because of you, sitting there, covered in sweat and fear, undercutting my every word.

Now, if you want a really good deal, you park your butt out here, play on your Internet.

I'm going old-school on this sales weasel, and I'm gonna break him in half.

Is somebody helping you? He better be! Yes, thank you so much.

Okay, I am technically in charge tonight, so no one tells Lily where babies come from.

I could not agree more.

I don't know why you Americans are so uptight about sex.

Sex is confusing for young people, and she doesn't need to learn from two fuzz-staches who barely know anything themselves.

Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history.

I've done some research.

Oh.

Well, great.

I'm just gonna go vomit forever now.

What are you guys doing? - Uh, nothing.

- Just talking.

- Not really anything.

Can we finish our conversation? No.

Lily, I'm sorry, but if you have questions, you're gonna have to ask your dads.

You don't know, do you? - I do so.

- Uh-huh, I know.

No, we don't.

Right, guys? - No, I guess not.

- No.

That's embarrassing.

Want me to tell you? What? Hey, that's why you asked if we knew where babies came from -- because you wanted to tell us? Yeah, you're old.

You should know.

But you might want to sit down for this.

I found a tattoo shop nearby.

It has four stars on Yelp, and it has military discount.

Well, Private Dorchester reporting for duty.

You are just so helpful tonight, Gloria.

- You know what else you should do? - Another idea.

You should do mother-and-daughter tattoos, like -- like, uh, two halves of a heart.

- Or the moon and some stars.

- Oh.

Mm.

Or, like, a bird and a rifle.

- Oh, my god, let's do that! - Yes! Yes! I mean, not that, but, like, let's get matching tattoos! I want to do that with you.

- You do? - Yeah! It could be, like, our special thing that we have for the rest of our lives, just us.

And no matter where we go or what we do, when people ask us about our tattoos, we can say that they're from the best night of our lives together.

That is so sweet.

I mean it.

I want to do it with you.

Will you? I can't believe this, but I will.

I will.

I will 'cause I love you.

- I love you, too! - I love you.

I love you.

- They also have piercing! - Enough.

You know what? I don't even need to be cool anymore.

It's like, why? Yes, exactly.

Why? Who cares.

Besides, isn't the cooler thing not caring if you're cool? Yeah, and if the new cool is not caring, then I'm supercool, not that I care.

Hey, guys! Guess what.

We're getting matching tattoos.

Love it.

We're doing it, too.

We need this.

- Are you serious? - Are we serious? As serious as Bert and Ernie.

It was supposed to be such a great moment for me as a dad.

I was gonna walk into that bar, give my daughter her new car keys, and say, "honey chug that drink.

We're going for a spin.

" Phil, put these in your purse.

I just beat your unbeatable deal by 500 samolians.

Stick that in your Internet.

- What? - This guy's a bulldog.

He wore me down.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

You never stood a chance.

Thank you, Jay.

Hop in.

I'll give you a walk-through.

Okay.

Some more good news for you -- Your father-in-law also talked me into two years of free satellite radio.