Of course he did.
The guy's always one-upping me.
I work for months getting the best deal.
He walks in, bullies you down, and proves what a pushover I am.
- Let me just show you this horn.
- Why? Did he get an upgrade on -- My father-in-law can be a jerk, too, so I got to say something.
You got a much better deal than he got.
Some horn, huh? What? He came groveling into my office and begged me to lie and say that he got the better price, but he paid me the difference.
How much more did he pay? $1,000.
Oh, my god, he really cares what I think about him.
- More than you know.
- That is one beautiful man.
Hey, dumbass, enough with the horn, huh? I love you, too! Oh! Uh, the tattooing -- it does really hurt.
I don't think I drank enough.
Huh.
So, a couple of firsts tonight.
Okay, what should we get? It needs to be something important to us.
I-is Nelson Mandela still in jail? I think it should be something just a little more personal.
Okay, what about lilies for Lily? Flowers? Be faster just to get the word "gay.
" I hope everybody's ready! So beautiful.
Well, check it, losers.
I am all tatted up.
Ay, I'm so proud of you.
I can't believe you did this.
- I know! I know! I know! - It's very sexy.
- Very nice.
- Yeah.
Well, it is Sanskrit for "mother.
" And Haley's gonna get one that says "daughter.
" Well Well, what? It's just, um, I-I'm not totally sure I'm not bailing.
No.
No, you're not.
But it just looks super painful, a-a-and this is nothing to do with you, but I don't think I want a tattoo when I have old skin.
Haley, if you don't get "daughter," it's gonna look like I did this for my mother, and then I'm gonna have to saw my leg off.
Or you could just add to it.
Hey, what's Sanskrit for "issues"? Haley, come on.
You're up.
Let's go.
I don't know, mom.
It's -- Now that I see it, it's so permanent.
Young lady, I swear to God I will spank you.
No, my god! Is that for me?! Happy birthday, sweetheart! Thank you so much! I love it! Please tell me you didn't get a tattoo.
No, but talk to mom, 'cause she's trying to make me.
- Oh, it's so cute! Can I take it for a ride?!- Of course! When I grow up, I want to have kids.
You're not going anywhere.
You've been drinking tonight.
Only 'cause you made me.
What are you trying to do to her? Well, first, I want a perfect husband How about you guys? Come on.
You're gonna get your tattoo, right? We realized we don't need one to be cool.
It seems sort of desperate.
But yours is cute.
- Super cute! - Yeah.
Someone who takes care of me.
Ay, Jay.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
Take me home.
Come on.
We'll get you a big bowl of loco-puffs.
And then we're gonna make a baby Oh, my gosh! which is easy.
You just put eggs and tadpoles in a glass, and the woman has to drink it.
Then, the woman and man kiss and jump on their bed.
After a year, she pees, and a baby comes out.
- Wow.
- Oh, my god.
- Okay, then.
Now that Claire has a tattoo, I can finally get one of my own! So, I've been trying to think of a phrase that sums up the way I live my life.
I don't think small.
I don't do things halfway.
I'm not afraid of taking risks.
So, then, I was trying to think of the perfect place to put it, you know? You don't want to put it on a-a body part that's gonna wrinkle or -- or sag too much, and you don't want it in some place where if you're wearing a suit it would show.
So, on my lower back I would put the words "Go deep.
" Bam! - Think about it.
- I heard it.
Okay.
"Do it.
" No.
- "All in.
" - No.
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