14. Valentine's Day 4: Twisted Sister (第6季)【完整台词】

- Honey? - Hey.

Did you remember to give Alex and Luke their lunch money? - Ma'am, yes, ma'am.

- What about the electrician? Did you give him a check? He's an electrician.

He'll charge us.

[Sighs] I'm gonna be late for work, Shecky.

Yes, I paid him.

Happy Valentine's, by the way.

Mmm, no.

Gross and sweaty from running.

So, for later tonight, you thinking what I'm thinking, valentine? I believe I am.

Every Valentine's Day, Claire and I look forward to some naughty role-playing sexually adventurous cuckolder Juliana and Clive Bixby, speaker salesman by day spy by night.

Lover also by night and sometimes during the day.

The speaker business, it it pretty much runs itself.

[Claire] I just want to keep it really low-key this year.

- You know, simple.

- Yep.

On the other hand, we could have a drink at that hotel bar we love.

- Go on.

- Then come straight home put on our jammies and fall asleep in front of the TV.

Perfect.

Looking forward to it already.

Ew, but not those ones I hate, those red satin pajamas.

I don't even know where those are.

Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey I know I'll get over it but right now I hate Anders and Cooper.

Our dear friends Anders and Cooper got married last Valentine's Day and we wanted to get them something really special.

- We found this exquisite little painting - Oh.

Of a winery in Napa that we all visited last year.

It was a bit pricey but they're really judgey and we knew they'd love it.

The problem is, so did we.

Thank you, Carmelina.

Oh, and here's something you can put in the other room.

[Sighs] That was hard.

So hard.

Probably how Lily's birth mother felt.

Except we don't have nine other paintings by five different painters.

Oh, my God.

Mitch.

Cam.

Oh, God, are we early? This is so not like us.

No, no.

The party's been canceled.

- Why? - Cooper's left me.

He's filing for divorce.

[Sobbing] The marriage is over! - Oh! - Oh! - Oh, Anders.

- Oh, Anders.

I thought we were in love.

You think you know the person sleeping in the next bedroom.

I'll get us some drinks.

[Whimpers] - So sad.

- Yeah.

It doesn't have to be.

If it's really love, you do everything you need to do to get back what you once had.

You're talking about the painting, right? Of course I am, 'cause we don't owe him that anymore.

- Go get it.

Go get it.

- Okay.

You must have big plans today.

This is like your Super Bowl, right? No, I'm sitting it out this year.

The whole holiday's gotten laughably commercial.

Sounds like Amy turned you down.

Like a bed in a five-star hotel.

I'll be drowning my sorrows in a marathon of my new favorite true-crime show, Lethal Ladies.

Amy may have dumped me but at least it wasn't off the lido deck of a Carnival cruise.

- ¡Ay, no, Sonia, càllate! [Laughs] - [Giggles] Look who's back the sangria sisters.

I invited my sister to visit so that we could fix our problems.

You know, sister things like I never like how she always borrow my bras or she never liked how I stole her one chance to escape the village and I left her there taking care of my mother.

Things like that.

Jay, they delayed Sonia's flight until tomorrow.

Why don't we cancel our dinner reservation and the three of us celebrate Valentine's here? You don't have to do that for me, Gloria.

I usually spend Valentine's Day selling artificial flowers near the well in my village.

Where do you people live, National Geographic? I just feel so bad.

You have both shown me such kindness this week and I repay you with bad weather over Tampa.

No, this is better.

It gets crazy out there.

I'm happy to avoid the fuss.

Wouldn't have minded a little fuss.

Maybe I've been kind of feeling taken for granted lately.

I know only girls are supposed to care about Valentine's Day, but Ah, what am I crying about? We get paid more so what the hell? [Sighs] Cooper didn't even have the decency to leave me in time to cancel the caterer.

I have 300 of these wasabi shrimp canapes if you're hungry.

- Oh, no, thank you.

- Sardine rillettes, olive crostini What am I supposed to do with all of this? - Carmelina, that's for company.

- [Cameron Clears Throat] Oh.

Well, there's Cam, so we should probably go.

You were gone so long, I was afraid you'd woken Mother.

- Uh, M-Mother? - Didn't I mention it? She's recuperating here.

Just had both hips replaced.

That reminds me I should put on the security camera in her room.

- Did you get it? - Yes.

And guess whose room they keep the last-minute wedding gifts in.

Hint: Apparently you need your original hips to keep a nightgown closed.

Well, I'm glad you stopped by.

I really needed this.

[Chuckles] Oh, Cam, get in here.

- Oh, I have a little bit of a sniffle.

- Oh, come on.

- [Chuckles] - [Thuds] - Oh! What's this? - Um Uh, that is, um That's a wedding gift for you and Cooper but once we heard, we didn't think it was appropriate.

Are you kidding? There's no bad time for a gift.

I'm sorry it's so late.

We just wanted to get you something that you would really cherish.

- It's pretty much the best gift we've ever given anyone.