Okay.
Found you.
Oh! I do have an open seat in first class if one of you would like a free upgrade.
No, thank you.
I think we'll sit together.
After the amazing weekend we just had I'll take it.
[Claire] I deserved that seat.
Three days in the woods with Phil's ex-cheerleader buddies the old stories, the spontaneous human pyramids constantly updating their tumbler Tumblr.
I smiled through the whole thing.
Problem is I was so convincing Phil thought I was having a great time.
What do I want? Some credit.
When do I want it? Now.
Hey.
[Sighs] I'm sorry if I smell like a campfire.
I've been in the woods for three days.
I hate camping.
If I'm ever in the woods for three days it means I've been dead for two of them.
[Laughs] Oh! It feels good to laugh for real.
You look like you need a drink.
- Hon? - Hmm? - Two Chardonnays and a hot towel for my friend.
- Right away.
I love you, beautiful stranger.
- [Baby Crying] - [Man Snoring] [Phil] I have to admit, I was a little miffed that Claire grabbed the good seat especially after I gave her such a magical weekend.
But I was determined to stay positive.
And then it hit me.
Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Everybody, Sal's here.
Okay.
All right.
Is this straight? You're throwing a baby shower with a dozen men in tailored pants sipping Bellinis.
Nothing about this is [Groans] I can't even finish.
Really? The last word was too much? So we decided to get the gang together to throw our friend Sal a belated baby shower.
She's been a little hard to pin down lately but we knew she'd never miss the chance to shower with a bunch of men.
You love that joke, don't you? Well, because it's two different kinds of showers.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Snickers] - This is little Sammy.
- [All] Aw! This is as long as you've ever been in our house without a cocktail.
- No, thank you.
Just a water, please.
- [All Gasp] Okay, everybody, drop your pearls.
I'm still breast-feeding.
All the books say do it at least a year.
- Jotham, drink this.
- I can't.
I'm leaving early to go to a hockey game.
Kings versus Blackhawks.
Wow.
They can call a team that? - Black hawks.
- Oh.
I'm gonna put this in the kitchen.
I make all my own baby food.
It's all natural, no chemicals.
Who is this woman? She's not drinking.
She's making her own baby food.
Does Lily have any other plates? I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic.
- Yeah, the far cabinet.
Mm-hmm.
- Thanks.
- Okay, none of this makes sense.
- I know.
How does she breast-feed him if she doesn't let him near plastic? Mom, do I have a fever? Ay, let me check.
You know, we have a thermometer.
Do you have to be so white all the time? Oh, baby, go lay down.
You're such a brave little boy! He's faking it.
He's pretending to be sick so he doesn't have go to his cooking class.
He has to go.
Today's lasagna.
I've been starving myself all day for that.
He doesn't want to go because a boy there is picking on him.
Cooking class? We're running out of places to send him where he can be cool.
I know.
Enough is enough.
You have to teach him how to fight.
- Yeah.
That'll work.
- You're doing this.
And don't tell him that this is coming from me.
It's bad for a boy to know that his mother thinks he's weak.
That's a lifetime of paying women to spank him until he cries.
The kid is just not a fighter.
He gets squeamish pounding veal.
Just do it! Fine, but I'm only doing it for the lasagna and the extra food he's been bringing home on Sundays.
Makes Mondays easier, you know? Oh, my God, you're the Garfield.
Hey.
One of you pretty ladies wanna take me to meet a girl later? You think calling us pretty is gonna get you a ride? I'll take it.
Let me know when you wanna leave.
Besides, I like Rose.
I think she's good for you.
This is a new girl Sarah.
I'm done with Rose.
She crazy.
Easy, Macklemore.
What do you mean, "crazy"? [Alex] I'll tell you what he means.
Any time a woman challenges a man in any way, suddenly, she's crazy.
So what did she do that was so crazy, Luke, give you her opinion? Yeah, or what, did she dare to talk about her feelings? The words sound like you get it, but your tone is throwing me.
Just tell me you said something nice when you broke up with her.
- [Scoffs] I haven't broken up with her.
- [Together] What? It just seems weird to call someone up and give them bad news.
She'll find out somehow.
- [Scoffs] - When did you become a guy? It's gross.
- You need to stand up and face her.
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