Hey, don't turn.
Be cool, be cool.
I need you to make this apartment thing go away.
- What? - I said, "Be cool.
" [Wheels Whir, Stop] - Why do you want it to go away? - [Sighs] We had some budget cuts at the office, and a bunch of us got laid off.
Now Now, I didn't tell Cam because I was embarrassed but also because I knew - I knew I would get another job like that.
- [Snaps Fingers] It's been a month and-and now it's just weird that I didn't tell him in the first place so every morning, I leave for work.
Well, heigh-ho, heigh-ho.
It's off to work I go.
Okay.
I send out my résumé.
And then, like most unemployed people hiding the truth from their spouses I go to the park.
And then one day, I met Spencer.
Hello.
- Uh - And now I play checkers with Spencer.
No.
[Laughs] - Oh! - And his best friend, George who helped me get over my lifelong fear of birds.
[Laughing] That tickles.
Stop it! Stop it! Mitchell, you can talk to me.
I'm a Realtor.
I need you to kill the deal, okay? Don't tell Cam.
Mitch.
What was that about? What did Mitchell say? Ooh! Do I smell Jay's famous ribs? Phil.
Phil? [Scatting] H- Hey! Hey! Calm down.
Gloria needs napkin rings.
I'm gonna hold you up.
You can check the high shelves.
Lift with your legs.
I had a big lunch.
[Chuckles] [Imitates Beeping] I don't see any napkin rings.
I just see a box with some Spanish written on it.
Oh, that's probably it.
[Grunts] Crockett and Tubbs.
That's heroin! - What? - You know, horse, smack, hell dust.
I know the nicknames.
I've watched Kojak.
I guarantee that lowlife cousin of Gloria's stashed this up there.
Jay, where are the napkin rings? I'll give you guys some privacy.
Look what your cousin's hiding in here.
- That's my horse.
- [Gasps] - That's yours? - Yes, I brought it back from Colombia.
My God.
I married into a drug cartel? These are the ashes of my dead horse, Gaucho.
I had him when I was a little girl.
Ohh.
You thought that these were drugs and that they belong to my cousin? - Well, what was I supposed to think? - I am sick of this, Jay.
You treat my family like they're criminals.
Like he would bring $150,000 worth of heroin into this house! - How do you know how much - What? I can't know street value? Alex, honey, could I borrow you for a minute? One sec.
Uncle Mitch, this is amazing.
- I can't believe you kept all of this.
- Oh, it's nothing special.
It's just a handmade scrapbook of every note and drawing you ever made me.
[Chuckles] You-You got to be kidding me.
Oh, oh.
Hola.
Okay.
This is good.
This is a report card that you made for me when you were four - and you gave me a B-minus as an uncle.
- Okay.
I was mad because you wasted your vote on Ralph Nader.
- Well - But today, you get an A-plus because this is the most thoughtful gift ever.
- Oh! - Yeah.
Oh, Mitchell, where do you even find the time for this? You know So this one Here or here? - Mm-mmm.
- I don't know.
What about here? Oh! Spencer! [Grunts] Hey, guys.
So, uh, random question but, um, do any of you get kind of a weird vibe from Beth? You know, like maybe something's a little off? - Beth? No.
She's an angel.
- [Lisping] She seems super sweet.
- You're really not shying away from those "S" words, are ya? - [Chuckles] So no one thinks that Beth has maybe, like, a slightly psychotic side? Oh.
I see what's going on here.
Somebody's jealous 'cause she's not the only pretty girl around here anymore, hmm? Wow! Thanks, Mom.
Beth's super hot.
If everyone in the Coast Guard looks like that, sign me up.
It's just on the weekends, right? Forget it.
You're all useless.
- [Cell Phone Chimes] - Oh.
[Chuckles] - Who was that? - Oh, it's just work.
There is a line that I will not cross.
As soon as I touch that phone, I'm a suspicious spouse, and that is not me.
So I say to the waitress - [Chimes] - Um "I saw you pour from the regular pot.
" - [Chimes] - And, um, she's, like "No.
I poured from the decaf pot.
" - [Chimes] - Oh, my gosh.
Whoops.
- [Spoon Clatters] - Let me get that.
Come on.
Don't leave me hanging.
Were you up all night? "Had fun with you.
Spencer.
" "See you Monday.
Spencer.
" Smiley face.
"Spencer.
" Who is Spencer? - Hey, Mr.
D.
- Hey.
- Can we talk? - Sure thing.
What'll you have? - [Both Laugh] - What's up? So, I've been getting some signals from Beth that she wants me to propose.
- That's exciting.
- Yeah.
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