8. Three Turkeys (第6季)【完整台词】

You put the giblets in a pan? - Yes, chef.

- Thanks, a boy named Sous chef.

I don't get it, but I trust you.

All right, Philip, tuck the wing tips under the body of the bird and place in a roasting pan.

As you wish, my crumpet.

I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Huge step for Claire to trust me with this.

But I have help -- this new app.

It's, uh, international super chef Nigella Lawson.

I can even program my name, so it's like she's right here guiding my every move with that sultry British voice.

I listened to her meringue instructions in the car last week.

There was so much whipping and beating I had to pull over.

- How's it going in here? - Great.

You just take advantage of your first Thanksgiving not sweating over a hot stove and having to sit down to dinner all gross and grumpy and exhausted.

Yeah, this year, you can finally be in a good mood.

Well, I was until this little riff.

Mom and Jay sent a Thanksgiving greeting from Mexico.

I didn't even know Mexico had Thanksgiving.

I know.

I said the same thing.

God, we're really gonna miss Alex.

I still don't get why you passed up a free trip.

Because they're meeting who call my mom "la tranquila" -- the quiet one.

¡Hola, familia! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy birthday tomorrow, Luke! Yeah, Luke, we didn't forget about you.

We got you a great present here in Mexico.

See you when we get back.

Bye! Bye-bye! See you soon! And cut.

Well, I think we sold that.

The Colombians' trip got canceled because a mudslide took out the runway at the local airport.

That thing's made of dirt.

Are we sure it didn't just rain? So we never left, and we could have gone to Phil and Claire's, but We decided to enjoy our own quiet, stress-free holiday dinner at home with no one the wiser.

We're having a little steak-cation, only with turkey instead of the steak.

Stay-cation.

- What did I say? - "Steak-cation.

" It's stay-cation.

Oh, so, this is how you want to start the quiet, stress-free dinner, with an English lesson? They call her "la tranquila.

" We really need to remember to return this backpack to Lily.

Oh, and, honey, don't forget Mitchell hates raisins.

So when you're making the stuffing -- I know how hard it is for you to hand over the reins, but you have got to trust me.

I do trust you.

It's just easy to forget the little things.

I'm not going to forget anything.

Now go.

You two need to run to the grocery store.

I forgot green beans, yams, and cranberry sauce.

What's in the crib? What crib? You're a crib.

Shouldn't you be studying? Well, I'm done with my midterms.

I finished my college essay.

And I was just about to go on a bike ride.

- Mm.

- Why are you acting so guilty? You're guilty.

How did I ever get to be a champion debater? It is a backup turkey.

I bought it in case your father's doesn't work out, which I hope it does.

But if it doesn't, this could save him a lot of embarrassment.

Please don't tell him.

He would die if he thought I didn't trust him.

Interesting.

I mean, I'm going off to college soon.

All of a sudden, you're keeping something warm in my old crib.

Here you go, sweetie.

You'll like this better.

Oh, my gosh.

You got to be kidding me.

- Not this again.

- What? She said her eggs were watery, so I made her a waffle.

Please don't make a thing out of it.

I've seen you send food back.

Remember that time in Miami? Okay, first of all, this isn't a restaurant.

Secondly, my bisque had a tooth in it.

- It was a shell.

- There was a filling in it.

Ugh, I don't feel like waffles.

Can you make me cereal? - Sure.

- Absolutely not.

Absolutely not, Lily.

You are gonna finish that waffle, or you're not gonna have breakfast.

Can I at least eat it in front of the TV? - Yes.

- No.

Thanks, daddy.

Mean daddy.

Okay, okay.

You give in to her every whim, and I'm mean daddy.

- That's not true.

- Isn't it? What's this? Hmm? This is how she sees us.

I'm a screaming demon, and you're just a-smilin' and a-bakin'.

And, incidentally, do we really think this is refrigerator-worthy? She put it up yesterday after you made her clean her room.

And after you made her brownies.

She is gonna turn into a willful, fat little girl unless you start getting tough with her, because right now you're her pal, and I'm just the pitchfork-wielding she-devil.

It lined up, didn't it? Yeah, we really got lucky with you holding that fork.

Long story short, if you pour it, it's cranberry sauce.

But I'm sorry, if you slice it, it's cranberry jelly.

I'm literally driving as fast as this car can go.

Is that a sock in your sleeve? I didn't laundry at your house this morning and you have no dryer sheets.

I like staying with you, but it's basically camping.

Ohh! - Uh, hey! - Oh! I'm -- I'm so sorry! I didn't feel anything.

I mean, of -- of course I felt something, and you do have them -- I mean -- - Why didn't you honk?! - Wouldn't that have just made it worse? Oh.

Now, Philip, rub the breasts and thighs with olive oil.

I'm a little new at this, but okay.

Before stuffing the bird, you may want to remove your jewelry.

You mean take off my wedding ring? You bad, bad girl.