17. Express Yourself (第7季)【完整台词】

1 Pameron Tucker, you outdid yourself on these biscuits and gravy.

They are so tasty, they make you want to slap your mama.

- Am I right, Mitchell? - Sure.

If that's a thing, why not? Bless your hearts.

[ Southern accent ] I'm fuller than a dog tick.

Hey, just because they do it It's the least I could do, since you'uns opened your home to me for I don't know how many weeks now.

[ Whispers ] Three.

I just don't get it.

- How could he leave me? - I know.

I'm pretty.

There's nothing I won't let him do in the b-e-d.

Hey, sweetheart, you're such a big eater, aren't ya, huh? I can't believe I got left.

Left! So, Pam got left.

Her husband, Bo, took off with half their stuff when she was out rounding up dazed piglets after a twister.

I'm not kidding.

I insisted she stay with us so I could help build up her confidence again.

Pam's self-worth has always been tied to the attention of men.

Which, you know, maybe isn't the best thing for Lily to witness.

- What are you talking about? - N-Nothing.

I'm probably just imagining it.

I'm not imagining it.

[ Cellphone rings ] It could be him! That could be him, you guys! It could be him! Get! [ Screams ] That could be him! It could be him! It's not him.

[ Screaming ] Wow, this is more reading than I did in my three years at a two-year college.

I'm thinking chili dog, just like Pops -- may he rest in peace -- bought me at my first baseball game.

May I be frank? We have a wiener.

[winner] Oh, that's so weirdly sweet.

And it's so cute how your hair never moves.

- It's like a LEGO.

- Mm-hmm.

Hey, I know you! Coachella, dancing on top of my van.

No, I just have one of those faces that -- It's Haley, right? Haley, would you like to introduce us? Um, okay.

Andy, my boyfriend, this is - Tom.

- Tom.

TomTom.

Is that Cherokee? Uh I should -- Bye.

I'm sorry.

Hey, I know that you're a little wilder than I am.

It's one of the reasons I fell for you.

It's exciting.

You don't have to say that.

No, I mean it.

You know what? Let's forget about dinner and a movie.

Let's do what Wild Haley would do instead.

Honestly, I've been kind of ready for Wild Haley to chuck her party pumps in the trash.

Or give them to charity, blah, blah, blah -- whatever.

But if that's one of the things that Andy liked about me, I wasn't gonna shut it down.

Okay, well, we can start at this western place where I know the bartender.

If you hang back, I can get us free drinks all night.

It won't look weird, you ordering two drinks every time you go up? No.

Then let's turn this mother out.

[ Chuckles ] I got pretty lucky pulling that expression out of my fanny.

I'm not usually so quick with party talk, but I've always had this fear that Haley would think I couldn't keep up with her, so I just tried to survive the night and not barf on my dad's old church shirt.

Claire? Claire? Claire? Can we watch the movie now? Honey? Answer him! Honey, please.

I just have to approve this proposal.

I've been working on it all week.

[ Cellphone dings ] Oh my God.

That's right.

Sun never sets on Mama's empire.

No, remember the travel app we signed up for that gives you the last-minute deals? Huh? Three nights in Paris, first-class airfare, four-star hotel for basically nothing.

The flight leaves at noon tomorrow.

We have five minutes to answer.

Wait.

You're not seriously considering this, are you? It's kind of the deal of the century.

Plus, we'd only miss one day of work.

Haley's with Andy.

Luke's on a ski trip.

I don't matter.

Oh, sweetie, by the time we got there, we would be so messed up on the time change, we would just wander around in, like, a nauseous fog.

Or you could just force yourselves to stay up all night tonight, then sleep on the plane tomorrow, and then when you land in Paris, your morning will be Paris' morning.

There we go! Lucky for us, the smart one's home.

It's such a sweet idea, but I am so tired from work this week.

What is more energizing than springtime in Paris? Baguettes baking, mimes miming, skunks in love.

This is what life is.

- C'est la vie, right? - Nope.

Joie de vivre.

Better.

Look, someday, watching movies on the couch is the only thing we'll be able to do, but right now, let's fire a warning shot right through Father Time's beard and spend a weekend in the Eternal City.

Rome.

Emerald City.

Seattle or Oz.

She knows where I mean, and the clock's running! You really want to do this, don't you? We'd be back Tuesday with the story of a lifetime.

[ Sighs ] Press the orange square.

[ French accent ] Pressez-vous Le square orange.

[ Normal voice ] - Yeah! We're doing it! - Aah! Sorry, sleep! You'll have to wait! We're setting our watches to Paris time, which is Nine hours ahead.

- Okay.

- Okay, it's 9:30 right now Oh, my God! 6:30.

- 6:30.

- Oh.

How long's it take to get the makeup off? I got out of Saigon faster.

You like what walks out the door every morning, so don't complain about the process.

I got a floor sander in the garage if it'll open up the bathroom sooner.

Aw, feeling a little put-out, Jay? It's my bathroom, remember? Manny, there's no pimple there.

It's the underground kind.

I can feel my heartbeat in it.

I retired.

I needed a little project.

So I decided to redo our master bathroom.

Yeah, if only someone had told you that it was going to be harder and longer than it looked on YouTube.

Oh, wait! If you just followed the simple bathroom schedule I posted in two places in English and Spanish Yes, who does that? Who puts a schedule up for their family? Uh, don't go in there.

I need to get my vanishing cream.