19. Man Shouldn’t Lie (第7季)【完整台词】

1 Hey.

That staycation beard's really taking shape, dad.

[ Chuckles ] It's starting to trap food.

Yep.

It's gone from itchin' to bitchin'.

And you're still rocking the sweats.

- Every day this week.

- Same underwear? What underwear? [ Telephone ringing ] - Hold that thought.

- Do I have to? Mayor's office.

City of Phila-Dunphy-a.

I'm sorry.

I just got done.

My computer crashed, and we got four pallets of hinges from Taiwan with faulty riveting.

At least your story's riveting.

It's clever.

I'll tell you later.

Hey, why is the minivan in the driveway? You parked me in this morning.

I was running late for a meeting, so I just took Haley's Corolla.

Fun.

It would be if it didn't smell like the inside of Bob Marley's laundry hamper.

Anyway, I've got a bunch more calls to make.

I'm not gonna have time to cook tonight.

We could go out.

There's that new restaurant -- Sliders.

The gimmick is they built it on a slant, and the waiters all wear socks.

That doesn't sound good at all.

Can you just order something? - Yeah, you got it.

- Great.

[ Beep ] [ Inhales sharply ] [ Sighs ] What are you doing? Run away, little dog.

Fine.

Go around you.

You're not gonna move.

'Cause I'm not stopping for you.

I'm stopping for you.

Damn.

Ohh! [ Inhales sharply ] Move it! Seriously? [ Gear shift clicks, seat belt clicks ] Don't forget you have to watch Joe while we have company.

- Again? - Yes, again.

What is the problem? He always wants to watch his show "Mystery Kidz," with a "Z.

" It's insufferable.

Now you know what I felt when I had to watch your favorite show.

"Masterpiece Theater"? It was hosted by a creepy puppet.

That was Alan Cumming.

Ay, Jay, you have to add two more chairs.

For who? It's us, the McClouds, and the Sharps.

I also invited my friend Dana and her husband, Reece.

Reece? Who's Reece? I just told you.

Dana's husband.

I met her at the PTA lunch, and she's the only woman in the anti-bullying campaign that I don't want to punch in the face.

Why would I want these people in my house messing up my poker game? Maybe you'll meet new friends.

We've been over this before.

I don't want any new friends.

I have the exact-right number of friends.

Jay, your friends have been around since before the movies could talk.

I don't think it's the worst idea to start getting some backups.

[ Sighs ] Hey, daddy, what's a lowest common denominator? - Reality TV.

- That's hilarious, but I've got a quiz tomorrow.

[ Rock music plays ] Uh What is that noise? Let me remind you that it's been weeks since we've had a tenant up there.

So you rented it to a rock band? A Christian rock band.

Oh, good.

Okay, so they're noisy and judge-y.

Shame on you and your narrow, big-city attitude.

I've known many accepting people of faith.

And I've been chased into a lake.

So I guess we're both entitled to our opinion.

Oh, oh, oh -- No! - Absolutely not.

- Okay.

Guys.

[ Music continues ] Coop: Come in.

Hey.

This is Mitchell, and the music sounds great.

Just wondering if you could turn it down a-a skosh.

Yeah, of course.

We're sorry.

Just giving the guy upstairs a taste of our new song.

- He means God.

- Really? There's no third floor I don't know about? We love the place, by the way.

It's just scrumptious.

Good! Good! So, you guys are a Christian rock band? Water to Wine.

Yeah, that's us.

Well, I hope you're not expecting to bring all your groupies back here.

[ Laughter ] Don't worry.

The Soldiers of the Lamb Church forbids premarital relations.

- Mm.

- Of course.

But I can think of a few ladies I wouldn't mind multiplying with after our elders give us their blessings.

- I heard that.

- Oh! We love girls! As long as you guys are here, I need an outsider's opinion.

I'm working on a song, but these guys think it's too soft.

Do you mind? Um lay it on us, bro.

Okay.

Hiding for so long The real me, I don't belong I'm not myself, I never was I cry at night and all because I'm trapped on a secret path I need a holy bath To wash away the sins I hide To douse the fire I feel inside Aw, dang it, Dex, you're bumming me out! Whoa.

Calm down, Coop.

Just 'cause we're in the city doesn't mean we got to talk like it.

[ Sighs ] I'm so sorry.

You know what, Dex, I like that song.

Yeah.

What's the title? I call it "A Cry for Help.

" - Did you hear that? - Yeah, I'm standing right here.

[ Door opens ] You're back again? Oh.

Missed you, too.