22. Double Click (第7季)【完整台词】

1 [ Thumping ] [ Gasps ] Claire.

There's a girl in Luke's bed.

Where's Luke? With the girl! [ Groans drowsily ] Should we just make a noise and scare her off? Is it a girl or a possum? Honey, there's no one there.

There was.

I saw girl bumps and hair.

It was probably just his Chewbacca doll.

It's not a doll.

It's a plush action figure.

Well, as long as he's sleeping with that thing, it's the only action he's gettin'.

I'm so relieved.

I wasn't ready for that.

You thought you saw something that wasn't there.

It's dark, and we shared an entire bottle of wine.

It is dark.

I didn't see you do air quotes around "shared.

" All right.

These contracts are good to go.

All that's left is the inspection.

Already scheduled it.

Andy, if I could bottle you up and put you into a cologne, you know what I'd call it? "Initiative.

" The black-and-white commercial would have models turning into panthers.

"Initiative -- a unisex fragrance from California.

" I want to come back to this because it's fun, but I need your advice.

Oh.

You remember my cousin back in Utah, - the real-estate developer? - Yeah.

Well, turns out his V.

P.

's leaving to start his own company, and my cousin needs someone, like -- like, now.

- Wow.

That's a big opp-- - Alex: Hey! Hey! What are you doing home? Are you serious? School's out.

I'm home for the summer.

You knew this.

Must have slipped my mind.

I'm so glad you're back.

That's it? Sanjay's parents are throwing him a three-day "Welcome Home" party.

They even made him a suit out of marigolds.

[ Thumping ] Hey.

This is a nice surprise, pumpkin.

Was I too subtle with the way I put it on the calendar, or [ Whistling ] - Someone woke up in a good mood.

- [ Chuckles ] And there is only one reason a teenage boy is ever like that.

Yep, because it's Family Camp training day! Oh, I was gonna say, "The Harlem Globetrotters must be in town.

" Luke and I are training for the big Famcathlon.

You're, uh, carb-loading.

Good idea, buddy! Hungry dude.

Hungry for Family Camp! Don't say "no" right away, but picture me with these.

Sweetie, you're 8 years old.

Give your body time to develop.

These curls! I want a perm! Take it from someone who had a perm at your age -- you don't.

Okay, what do you think of my airplane outfit? When I land in Missouri, I want to blend right in.

With what? A jug band? Cameron: I got a job this summer as an assistant defensive coordinator for the Missouri State football team.

Go, Bears! I'm going home.

And I have been crazy with work, which means Lily will be going back and forth between the two of us.

It has been a little tense putting together a time-share agreement, though.

I haven't been making it tense.

You're the one who treats our daughter like she's a vacation property in Aruba.

Maybe you should be promoted to very defensive coordinator.

- There you go.

- Okay, you typed up how we're gonna share our daughter.

What is this -- some sort of custody agreement? [ Doorbell rings ] I just drafted a document that reflects what we discussed last night.

You have a tendency to forget about things you agreed to, Cam.

Okay, that's a bunch of hooey.

Rich! I forgot to bring up the towels.

That proves nothing.

I wouldn't bother you, but I'm late for court.

It's really very straightforward.

If it rains for more than three days in Missouri, that borrows against my time.

Conversely, if Lily does go to gymnastics camp, I get an extra week.

It's too confusing.

Wait -- You're a lawyer, right? Can I actually have you take a peek at something for me? W-What are you doing? I'm lawyering up.

Uh uh, yeah.

There's a lot of ambiguous language in this contract.

I wouldn't sign it.

Nobody's asking him to.

You know, I never would have agreed to give up 4th of July, and now I'm worried he's trying to trick me out of Biscuit Bonanza.

B-Biscuit Bonanza? It's what it sounds like.

It's a biscuit-baking competition, and then you see who can throw theirs the furthest.

May I present Exhibit "A"? Cameron: That's fine, Mitchell -- I don't care about 4th of July, as long as I get Lily for Biscuit Bonanza.

Lily: Biscuit Bonanza?! Yeah.

It's what it sounds like.

It's a biscuit-baking -- Okay, I have never hated the sound of my own voice more.

Okay.

I'm gonna go pick up that costume.

- What costume? - Oh, my God, Cam.

Cameron: Don't forget about Pepper's brunch.

Okay, stop it! Isn't it your first day back working with Claire? I got to get this e-mail out first to a store that got my order wrong.

Do I look like a guy who would wear a shirt with pineapples all over it? Kinda.

I want to use all caps to get across how angry I am, but it takes forever to press "shift" before each letter.

Why don't you just put on the caps lock? You can do that? [ Chuckles ] Oh, Jay.

Just double-click here.

Didn't work.

Well, that's because you didn't double-click.

You just clicked twice.

The hell's the difference? Double-click.

See? That's exactly what I did.

Double click.

No, you're still just clicking twice.

Listen to me -- "Double-click.

" Not "Double click.

" I'm not an idiot.

Double-click! You can't possibly think that's the same thing! It's the exact same thing! Double-click! Double-click! Oh, what the It's the first time I've ever used the F-word.