13. Do It Yourself (第8季)【完整台词】

1 Okay.

Screwdriver? [Clattering] Oh, no.

Backup screwdriver.

I come from a long line of handy men.

My dad used to fix everything lawnmowers, cars, our cat.

So it made sense that I tackled the clothes dryer after the repair guy tried to rip me off.

I'm not paying $350 for a moisture sensor that costs $28.

I'll fix it myself.

[Russian accent] It's a complicated job.

- You know what I did back in Russia? - Yeah, yeah, I know.

You were a doctor or a scientist.

- I fixed dryers.

- Oh.

I've been doing this a long time is my point.

Well, Yuri, Phil Dunphy is no pushover.

I'm afraid it's a hard nyet.

[Tool clacking] I guess these are clean enough.

I'll have this thing running in no time, honey.

I have an instructional video, and I'm labeling each part as I take it out.

"Right-back corner.

"Tiny elbow-y thingy.

"My right.

Dryer left.

" Can't you do this somewhere else? Right, the dryer's the one that needs to get its own place.

Honey, you have to be up anyhow.

We've got our cooking class.

I want to get there early and grab a stove up front.

Oh, my God, Mom.

You and that chef.

Keep it in your apron.

Mom's obsessed with this TV chef Charles Dumont.

She watches his show every day.

Not sure she listens, though.

A pinch of sugar, and your taste buds will surrender like the French.

I'm sorry, that joke was a little fromage-y.

- Did he say salt? - All: Sugar.

- Mmm! I'd love to give him some sugar.

- [Chuckles] But I'm pretty sure he said salt here, baby.

- Take taste.

- Oh, no.

Aah! - Mmm? - Hmm! Yeah.

- Yeah? Yeah.

- That's got something in it.

- Oh, almost out of cookin' juice.

- Mm-hmm.

All right, the next step is very important.

You sure you don't want to pause it? Oh, no, I'm good.

- We got to fix this.

- Mm-hmm We can't tell her how bad her food is because that would destroy her.

So when I found out Chef Dumont was coming to town, I signed us up for his class, so he could do it.

[clattering] - Whoa! - I know.

Pretty intense, huh? Now I just grab the sensor and put it [Sniffs] Oh, a little linty.

[Sniffs, chuckles] I probably should have emptied [Sneezes] Aah! Are the parts okay? - Yeah, they're fine.

- Oh, thank God.

I don't know Ow! All right, Joe.

Fire it in here, buddy.

Ooh! Yes! Good.

Now I don't have to tell another son that some boys have different gifts.

Good job there, slugger.

What the hell's going on here, Gloria? I feel like I died.

I'm watching my family as a ghost.

Don't be silly.

If that happened, I would have changed all this furniture.

I hired Coach Gary.

He's gonna teach Joe how to throw.

Joe is the worst in his team.

I hear you! Your son's in good hands, Jay.

I led my team to the championship last year.

We weren't supposed to keep score, but I did in my head.

This is crazy.

A kid's supposed to learn this stuff from his dad baseball, how to drive a car, how to fight a guy from Jersey.

If you think you took his knife He's got another one.

Joe learned to throw by copying Jay, but Jay throws all crazy because of his bad shoulder.

Like this, buddy.

Son of a! Son of a! It's the same reason Joe whistles "Sentimental Journey" when he pees.

You seem like a nice guy and all, but, uh, I got this.

Hey, no sweat.

Coach Gary gets it.

Hey, uh, don't forget your ball.

[Grunts] It's okay, Jay.

Some boys have different gifts.

- [Doorbell rings] - Cameron: Let me get the door.

Okay, thank you.

[Sighs] - Hi.

Can I help you? - I'm here for Lily.

[Voice breaking] I always knew this day would come.

Probably not what she's here for.

How do you know our daughter? I don't.

She hired me for a cleaning job.

- Oh.

- What? Wow.

Right on time.

Wait, Lily, did you hire a cleaning lady? Yeah, with an app on your phone.

Daddy said my room was a pig sty.

Okay, we'll double back to that unnecessary and inaccurate slam on pigs, and I think daddy meant for you to clean your room.

We can't have you cleaning our daughter's room.

It just it sends the wrong message.

We get to review you guys, too, you know.

Okay.

Now go clean your room.