14. Heavy Is the Head (第8季)【完整台词】

Listen, while I appreciate the idea of a massage - You hate it.

- Well You always hate my gifts.

I don't even know why I try.

No, no, please, uh, let me finish.

I've always appreciated the thought of a massage in my office, and now it's actually happening.

- Ah! [Laughs] - Thank you.

Which one of you lovelies is Claire? - She is! - Oh, great.

Just give me the quick version, okay? - 90 minutes.

You got it, hon.

- Okay.

My department is asking if there's still gonna be coffee or if they have to start bringing it.

Who who's this? Uh, he's interviewing for a job in the warehouse.

He's a, um, forklift operator.

That's right.

It's 2017.

There are plenty of gay forklift drivers.

I'm not gay.

It's cool, bro.

I'm woke.

- It's cool, bro.

I'm woke.

- [Laughs] That's funny! You sound just like that guy over there.

- That guy? - Okay, it's back-to-work time.

- We got to take a look at these.

- Yeah.

See ya later.

We'll catch up.

Okay, this is crazy.

I don't need an MRI.

The doctor ordered when you told her you could taste colors - in a French accent.

- Oh all right.

Well, I don't even do a French accent.

I didn't say it was a good one.

Guys, we usually try to move the head injuries along.

- Yes.

- Okay.

Well, it's it's just so small.

It's bigger than it looks.

See, there's nothing wrong with my brain, 'cause I have three funny comebacks to that.

Cam, come on, let's listen to, uh, Bobby.

He knows what he's talking about.

I don't think we can really trust anything a grown man named Bobby says.

Come on, honey, you got this.

Okay.

Uh, Robert, hi.

Can I have question.

So, listen.

I know this is a giant magnet, and I have a lot of fillings.

Are they just gonna fly out of my head? - That never happens.

- Okay.

Um, I'm also on an iron supplement.

- Is that - An issue? No.

Let's just get you on that table, huh? - [Chuckles] - Come on.

Hm.

[Exhales] No, okay, not happening.

I'm having flashbacks.

I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I was kid, I fell into a well.

Together: It happened the same day as baby Jessica, but she got all the press.

It still stings.

Everybody loves a baby, but not one single prayer for a husky teen who's stuck head-first in a well for the better part of an hour.

Okay, Cam, come on.

You have got to calm down, all right? It'll be over before you know it.

- In an hour.

- I'm I can't! - I'm done, I'm out! - Okay, wait, wait, Cam, Cam.

Okay, Bobby, is it okay if I get in there to show Cam that it's all right? Do we have time for that? Sure, my 4:00 hemorrhaged.

Can you not okay.

All right, look at this, Cam.

- Just be careful.

- It's comfortable.

- We've got you.

- Okay, I'm good.

Okay.

Ah.

Actually, Cam, this is very peaceful.

It was a torture chamber.

I was in there one minute, and I cried.

I feel so rested.

I do, I do, I really do.

Now you.

It's all good.

There you go.

All right.

And I will be right here beside you.

Uh, no one's allowed in here except the patient.

I will be in the next room right beside you.

Okay, so put your headphones on.

They're gonna play you something - to get your mind off of it.

- Yeah.

- This is a panic button.

- Oh.

- Just push it if you need to get out.

- Oh, okay.

Well, I think I can do this.

[Sighs] [MRI beeping] "This American Life," I'm Ira Glass.

Today's program "Puppy Love.

" We'll hear the story of a man who met his soul mate through a lost schnauzer, a beagle from Coos Bay, Oregon, who, for one week, was mayor.

And we start with Act 1, a search-and-rescue collie looking for his owner, who was buried alive for 18 days.

Woman: After drinking his own urine for a week, Horace Laughton could no longer ignore the terrible truth he was running out of oxygen.

H-help.

Help! Help! Get me out of here! Hey! I will kill you! Ohh! (groans) Cam, come on, this is serious.