16. Basketball (第8季)【完整台词】

1 Are you sure we need that much ice, buddy? All NBA players use cold water immersion therapy.

Let's do it.

You're right.

It's not that b Aah! One year ago today, I had the chance to be a hero.

It was the annual high school charity basketball game parents versus teachers.

We were raising money for Mrs.

Martin in the attendance office who lost her house in a mudslide.

One minute it was present, the next it was absent.

Down 2, a second left, I was fouled.

The game was in my hands.

(crowd groans) I crumbled under the pressure.

I've waited a year for my shot at redemption and left nothing to chance.

Harder! I have worked out like a madman passing and dribbling drills, agility training - (stopwatch beeps) - and I top it all off with 100 free throws every day 23.

24.

no matter how tired I am.

(yawns) 85.

It had been a year of painful training, but I was ready.

Aah! I spilled juice on the rug.

Please don't tell Mama.

Don't tell Mama? What about, "Don't tell Papa?" A boy is supposed to fear his father.

I shook in my boots around my old man, just like he did around his.

To this day, I hear the crack of a Schlitz or smell some Singleton's Beard Tonic, and I'm sweating like a mob rat in Little Italy.

Ow! Oh, I tripped! Enough! How many times have I told you to pick up your toys? You're funny! (laughs) Enough! Pick up your toys! (laughs) Gloria! What a surprise! There's a mom at Manny's school that I've had some problems with.

She's your typical blonde airhead Barbie doll doctor.

Hola, Donna.

Did you wander in by mistake? You know they don't sell shoes here.

Oh, no, I see you buy a lot of hot dogs.

It's so sad when someone just gives up.

I'm selling these at the high school charity basketball game.

Poor Mrs.

Martin.

This year we're raising money to get her a new kidney So, can we count on you? For the kidney? To write a check, - like you always do.

- (laughing) Yes.

Money is almost as good as actually doing something.

$40 at the estate sale? Can you believe that? - Like, there's no way you'd even notice.

- (ringtone plays) Dad, hi.

JAY: Turn on channel 12.

It's an exposé on cheap lumber that's got some chemical in it that's making people sick, and Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets bought a bunch of it.

Oh, look there's Earl's daughter, Shirl.

REPORTER: We caught up with the local man who reported flu-like symptoms after contact with the tainted wood.

MAN: I just wanted to give my wife a closet as beautiful as she is.

(sneezes) - Didn't we buy some of - Shh! Shh, shh, shh! Can you believe Earl's dum-dum daughter bought wood from those bozos? Of course, when you two were growing up, she was always the slow one.

You remember when she thought that balloon was her friend? Balloon-da Carlisle.

(laughs) Right.

Well, back to it, Dad.

See you later.

I knew that deal was too good to be true.

And now I'm gonna look as stupid as a girl who pet two different class rabbits to death.

(British accent) A spot of tea, sir? (British accent) Only if it's the fancy kind.

(normal voice) Oh, my God.

How good have our accents gotten? - (normal voice) It's insane.

- Yeah.

When Haley was 4, she and I had our first tea party, and since then, we've made it a tradition to meet for high tea once a year.

It's a time I've really come to cherish.

I don't love the whole tea thing.

Mitchell and Haley always come back giggling over shared secrets, and I feel left out.

I once tried to start my own uncle-niece tradition, but I'm not questioning the methodology behind accelerated mass spectrometry.

I'm merely pointing out that it's not singular in its power to separate a rare isotope from an abundant neighboring mass.

What's going on with you and that handsome weatherman? - Things are great, mostly.

Yeah.

- Mm! Oh.

"Mostly"? Well, what's what's going on? I mean, do you think it's okay for your partner to ask you to do anything? Mm, no.

Not anything anything.

I mean, we all have our boundaries.

I mean, there are still things I wouldn't ask Cam to do.

Okay.

So, um, Rainer and I were in bed the other night, and And? He asked me to do something I'm not totally comfortable with.

What'd he ask you to do? No no judgments.

Just whenever you're ready.

So, he was lying on his side, and he said that that was part of it, and then he asked me to c Haley! What'd he ask you to do? Quick, write it down on this napkin.

Rainer, what are you doing here? Uh, you left your earbuds in my car.

I know you like to use them to ignore people.

Aww! Do you want to join us? You don't mind, do you, Uncle Mitch? No! Feels weird to be back here.

This gym got the better of me once.

- Dad, you're psyching yourself out.

- You're right.

The only thing different between this year and last is I'm prepared this year.

And DeAndre Jordan and Charles Barkley are here.

Is this where we get our hand stamped? Sometimes I like to leave and come back to things.

Uh, why why are you here? Our agent's wife is a math teacher at the school.

Let's go get our seats.

We don't want anybody to block us.

Yeah, yeah.

I I get that.

So, I'm playing in front of two NBA stars? Plus, once people know they're here, the crowd will be like five times the size it was last year.

Well, we still live in a world with a fire marshal.

Wait.

They're probably just here to show their faces and make a quick exit.

Dad, don't let them faze you.

This is what you've trained for.

- You're ready.

- You're right.

I just need to shake the jitters off a little bit.

I got you, Larry.

Spot up.

No! Gloria? Is that you? My brain's having a hard time processing you in this context.

Yeah, I came to sell my nachos to raise money.

- How nice.

- Mm-hmm.

Although, some people are saying it's too little too late, that you can't just show up and get credit for it.