22. The Graduates (第8季)【完整台词】

1 - What's cooking? - My mother's recipe - guinea-pig pie.

- Smells good.

You just accept that? It's pecan.

How cuckoo do you think my country is? It's come to this "What's cooking" and "smells good" gets me in trouble? Mom, you're already cooking for tomorrow? Don't make a big deal.

My baby's graduating.

He won the award for Integrity and Character.

"No absents, no tardies, "respectful to students and teachers alike.

" My school had an award like that, but instead of a sash, that kid got a punch in the mouth.

Proud of you, though.

Why do all your stories involve a punch in the face, a shifty European, or a broad who's been around the block? That reminds me of when I had to rough up this Italian kid because he didn't want me dating his sister.

She was no nun! Jay, can you please take care of the steaks? Sure.

On the eve of your big day, we're celebrating with rib eyes, and you and I are gonna have our first scotch.

- Really?! - Yeah.

I've been waiting to open a special bottle.

Huh.

Looks like the mice got into it.

Hello, hello?! Where's my son? - Dad! - Ha ha ha! What, did he hop the gate? You came! - I said I'd come.

- I know, but you came! How could I miss it? Manny, the first member of my family - to ever graduate from high school.

- Wait a minute.

Don't you have a brother in Colombia - who's a doctor? - Yes.

He just does orthopedic surgery, no brain or heart.

Think of it tomorrow, I will watch you stride across the stage with a sash, like a rebel's bandolier telling the world "No absents, no tardies.

" Manny and I were gonna grill some steaks and drink some, um, beers.

Thank you, Jay, but if it's all right with you, I would like to take Manny out for a special father-son celebration.

- Is that okay? - Ah, sure.

I mean, he made the effort to come.

Didn't have time to button his shirt all the way up.

But go ahead.

Perfect! The night begins.

But first here.

(spritzing) Walk through this.

(chuckles) I know that smells terrible, but I've never seen that man get a mosquito bite.

(singsong voice) There he is the graduate.

I have one word for you, Luke plastics.

(normal voice) I don't think he knows that movie, honey.

Mrs.

Dunphy, you're trying to seduce me.

Okay, let's just give him the gift, all right? Okay, but first, gather around, everybody! Riddle me this What has two hands, is wound tight, and has a lot of ticks? Alex? - (laughs) - Good guess, but no.

This was made in Switzerland, not in the Disneyland Hotel.

Awesome! A watch! We wanted to give it to you early so you could wear it to graduation today.

Yeah.

It's shockproof.

Oh, good.

You can show it your grades.

- I love it.

- What time is it? (voice breaking) Time for my little man to go out in the world and make his mark - like the tiny trouper he used to be.

- (sighs) Hold on.

I'll be right back.

I remember when he was so small, we'd give him a bath in the sink.

Here we go.

Dad, we really got to talk about the crying.

When we graduated, you were a mess, and it was humiliating.

Showing emotion is part of being a sexy modern man.

Ask anyone who was raised on Alan Alda.

I don't think we have to worry about him going anywhere anytime soon.

He just installed a mini fridge and a hammock in his room.

Mom, Dad, you did all the hard work getting me through high school.

You deserve a gift.

But what do you get the Cadillac of parents? A Rolls-Royce.

Oh, my goodness! How did you afford that? - It was only $2,000.

- Huh.

Judge Thompson, from the club, - got me into a police auction.

- Huh.

If I had 40 more dollars, you'd be looking at a speedboat.

So, what do you think? It's it's wow.

- Right?! - I loved the macaroni necklace he made me in first grade, and I even used the perfume he gave me in fifth grade, but this car is so gaudy.

People are gonna think I played for the Knicks in the '70s.

It's the most beautiful gesture - I have ever seen.

- (car door opens) It's 100% class.

Hey, Mom, didn't you say you had some errands to run? Oh.

I in a little while.

Uh, yeah.

But um, gosh, it's got fur.

Wow.

It's like driving a lion.

Hey, before you go, give us a honk.

All right.

(horn honks to the tune of "We're in the Money") The horn doesn't help, does it? So, I've narrowed it down to Swiss Coffee and Whispering White.

But I can't decide between matte or satin.

I thought we landed on Eggshell.

We decided against Eggshell.

W-why don't we just sell the house? Why don't we just paint the floor Eggshell - since that's what I'm walking on.

- Okay.

- I forgot to give this to you.

- Oh, thank you.

- Have a good day at school, sweetie.

- Bye, sweetie.

It's fourth grade.

We're all just treading water.

What is it? Ah, well, it's it's from the principal's office.

- Is she in trouble? - (door closes) No! She's smart.

- She is? - That's what it says.

Are you sure it's not for Lily Rosen? You were at that science fair.

She brought that frog back to life! This is for our Lily.

T-they're suggesting that she skip fifth grade and go right into middle school next year.

"Lily is testing far above her grade level - What? - " and we feel she would benefit "from a more challenging curriculum.

" - (laughs) - Huh.

I know! All these years we thought that she was, uh - God, what's the word? - Different? Peculiar? Odd? - Mean? - So many words.

But she was just really smart.

Holed up in her room every day after school, she wasn't - Plotting to kill us? - I was gonna say daydreaming.