You have very deep-set eyes.
In college, they called
my "The Raccoon.
"
Although, that could've been
because I climbed in
through the doggy door
at Zeta house and stole a pie.
My God.
I'm beautiful.
(laughs softly)
Honey, you could do this
for a living.
I have thought about it.
I've been practicing on
people since Luke was 3.
Mo-o-o-o-ther nature.
You're not gonna believe
who's behind you.
- Rainer Shine!
- Who?
The weatherman.
Don't you watch the news?
Yeah, at the gas station.
He's coming this way.
Just
Whoa, careful now.
There's a stipulation
in my contract --
I have to be
the best-looking guy here.
(laughs gushingly)
Stop it.
Rainer Shine.
It's, just,
s-so nice to meet you.
That isn't your
real name, is it?
Ow, I'm not letting you
behind that curtain.
That's my name,
and these are my teeth.
My name's Phil Dunphy.
I'm doing a little
real-estate segment.
Could become a regular thing.
This is my make-up
artist/daughter, Haley Dunphy.
It is a pleasure.
You know, I think
you sold my neighbor's
house -- Doris Jacobs.
Uh, white, mid-century,
big back porch?
That's her.
(chuckles)
I need to wash my hands.
Where's the restroom?
Oh, of course.
You're gonna want to
go down that hallway, push
through the big double doors.
You're gonna see some
air vents on the way there.
It's just past
that cold-air system.
Bring a sweater.
It tends to get a little chilly
in that neck of the woods.
- Wow.
- Wow.
Nice shooting the breeze
with you, Phil.
You too.
Hey, uh, listen.
This might be kind weird,
but would you ever
want to grab a beer?
Sure.
Sounds like fun.
All right!
(chuckles)
Here you go.
Oh!
C-- call me three times.
(chuckles)
I'm kidding.
Just call me once.
Tonight -- if you're around.
I'll see if I can squeeze
you into my 10-day outlook.
(laughing)
Okay.
Do meet your heroes.
What have you got?
What says to Juilliard,
"I'm your guy"?
I look straight
into the camera and say,
"Molière, Beckett, Delgado.
"
Yes, it's bold
to include my own name,
but so is the sheer act
of putting pen to paper.
You're kidding, right?
Why? What's wrong?
It's smug and privileged
and precious.
No art school's gonna want that.
Okay.
How about this?
We open on
a blank sheet of paper.
Under a Mozart fugue,
we suddenly see a drop of blood.
Is it the admissions committee
slitting their wrists?
(sighs) Fine.
The year is 18--
No! You're on
the wrong track here.
They're gonna get
a million applications
from artsy little snots.
You've got to stand out.
When everybody else zigs,
you've got to zoink.
Isn't it "zag"?
Exactly.
Hi.
We're back.
I don't know what this is,
but I love it.
There's mud out front,
so Dwight insisted.
Apparently, they're not cool
after you get them dirty.
Oh!
Last night, we also watch
"An Officer and a Gentleman.
"
Yeah, he lift me up
where I belong.
- (laughs) Okay.
- Knock, knock!
Yeah.
Hi, Ms.
Pasternack.
I got to go meet some friends.
- I'll see you guys later?
- Okay.
Be careful, Dwight.
Here.
I brought by
some more liquor bottles
for Lily's project.
Wha-- wh--
What project?
I don't know.
I caught her going through
my garbage, and she said
she needed liquor bottles.
Well, that's weird.
Anyway, tell her I'll have
a couple more for her tomorrow.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Take care.
She can't baby sit anymore.
What project?
I don't know.
(bottles clank)
We've got a problem here.
Look what I found
under Dwight's bed.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Yeah, it's too bad.
He brought such a great
energy to the house.
Mitchell.
I just need a minute
to process this.
But the bottom line Karen is
your viewers should work
with a realtor they can trust.
Someone they can
look in the eye.
Boop!
I'm confused.
You want me to see that?
Well, someone there said
I was a real natural.
I can't remember who it was.
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