13. In Your Head (第9季)【完整台词】

- Good morning, gentlemen.

- Hi.

Max, how'd you sleep? Oh, I love crashing here! This is just like college staying up too late, passing out on the couch, mean Asian chick down the hall.

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] Where is Lily? I don't know.

S-School, maybe? - I'm right here.

- Oh.

We met Max in Amsterdam on what we thought was a tour of pottery cafes, so I don't remember much about it, but I do remember thinking he was the funniest person I've ever met.

And we told him if he ever came into town, that he had to stay with us.

And I-I-I'm so glad he said yes because I remember being really, uh, paranoid that he didn't like me.

You two, get out of here.

I'm gonna whip us up some breakfast.

Oh! Oof.

Whoo! My head feels like the Hindenburg.

- [LAUGHTER] - Oh, come on! [WHISPERING] I feel like he was funnier in Europe.

- Yeah.

- [GASPS] Mitchell! Look! Our crazy-expensive bottle of wine? I uh, we were saving this for the perfect occasion.

Okay, well, he must've drank it after we went to bed.

Who does that? Just drinks somebody's most expensive bottle of wine without asking? - Okay, it's a hate crime.

- How is it a hate crime? Because I hate him.

[SIGHS] I ca I can't believe it's almost gone.

Look, you know, I've only ever considered opening that twice once early on election night and then when we thought "La La Land" won Best Picture.

- I know.

It's been a rough year.

- MAX: Breakfast! No, no.

Is that our caviar? Yeah! Lucky I found it.

It was hiding in the back of the fridge.

For a special occasion.

- Something wrong? - Yeah yeah.

Uh, first you open up our $400 bottle of wine, now it's our $200 tin of caviar.

- We were saving those.

- For what? A celebration, like What about when "Moonlight" won the Oscar? Okay, it was a big moment for the community, yes Okay, you know what? Look.

I'm gonna go, okay? But, guys, don't defer enjoyment, 'cause you never know when you're gonna bite it.

I say, make every night special.

Okay, well, that's a that's a fun philosophy, but not everyone can follow that, okay? 'Cause 'Cause we have responsibilities.

We have We have budgets.

We have a daughter, you know.

Where is our daughter? - I don't know.

Backyard, maybe? - Maybe.

Earl Chambers, my former business partner-turned dumbass nemesis, bought the old horizontal wardrobe.

For you closet non-pros, that means he died.

Then last week, I received this urn and this note.

"You know what to do with my ashes.

Follow the path.

" What the hell does that mean? You think you can drive me nuts, but you can't.

He can't actually hear you unless you open the lid.

I still can't figure out the meaning of "Follow the path!" I'm gonna need you to call Shirl and find out why her father's been torturing me.

- You call her! - That's not an option.

She's a greasy slimebucket, just like her father, and for some reason, she doesn't like me.

Hmm I'll see what I can do.

Oh Hey, Manny! What's up? I'm not here! Everything's fine! - Super-dupes.

- Okay, I'll I'll I'll talk.

Luke and I went to a sketchy neighborhood for tacos last night, and he disappeared, and I haven't seen him since.

What? Where did you see him last? He went off with this girl.

- With a girl? - Yeah.

[LAUGHS] Manny.

Let me tell you a little something about Dunphy men.

When we come into contact with a lady, we leave her with a burning sensation.

Let me try that again.

Um when a Dunphy man sees a sexy skirt, he's just gotta get in it.

- No! - I get the point.

Look, I'm just glad you came to me I didn't.

You caught me here.

'cause I don't want Claire freaking out about this.

Luke's phone is going straight to voicemail.

Someone's got a sock on the digital doorknob.

I really think you should be a little worried about this.

Worried?! Let me tell you something about Dunphy men.

Phil, this was a pretty rough neighborhood.

Tell you what, if it makes you feel better, we'll go down there and look around for him.

We're gonna need backup serious backup.

[TRAFFIC PASSING BY] Okay, be cool.

I used to live in this neighborhood.

If you act tough, nobody will mess with you.

MAN: Hey! Would you like to try a cruelty-free alkaline-water snow cone? - What? - Free sample.

You can get a larger one down at our stand.

We also refurbish tubas.

No, thank you.

What happened to my neighborhood? Have the best day.

White people with beards they ruined everything.

Why would you even say that this place was dangerous? It was a lot scarier at dark.

There was jazz.

Luke's still not answering.

We're gonna find him, Phil.

Oh, I-I'm not worried.

I've been there.

Meet a girl, you lose track of place and time, not just 'cause your compass watch is missing, and suddenly her cousin Rodney has the exact same watch but swears it was always his.

Oh, look! Mario's Bodyshop.

At least one thing is still the same.

There's nothing that happens in this street that Mario doesn't know about.

Let's go over there.

So, red lights are flashing, alarms are blaring.

We're about 10 seconds from a meltdown so hot it's gonna turn Belgium into a pool of hot chocolate.

And I suddenly realize, they haven't properly accounted for the relativistic distort Hey, what's this building's number? - I'm trying to Postmates a smoothie.

- Shh! I quickly do a few multi-dimensional tensor calculations in my head, I push this crying guard to one side and adjust the synchrotron.

I look up at the countdown clock.

5 4 [CELLPHONE RINGS] You, with the phone! - What's your name? - Alex Dunphy.

Ms.

Dunphy, is my story of saving the world whilst accidently creating three new elements boring you? Uh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.